


Week Zero (Variant)

by amorassofpixelz



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Stormpilot - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, M/M, Sexual exploration, Slow Burn, Trans Poe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 02:07:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 42,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7021381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amorassofpixelz/pseuds/amorassofpixelz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Finn wakes up after the assault on Starkiller, he and Poe find themselves with a week's worth of free time on their hands.</p><p>Needless to say, it's a week they won't soon forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Week Zero (Variant)

**Author's Note:**

> VARIANT - This is the same fic as week zero, but I've decided to make a version with trans Poe, because I know a lot of people who'd appreciate it. So while language is swapped out for body descriptions and sex, the core story and language is unchanged.

**// Then**

 

Waiting.

Poe was tired of it.

He’d waited all his life; he waited for his mother to come home when he was eight years old. Then, he waited for the day that he was brought on the starfleet of the New Republic. After that, he waited as the war between the First Order and the Resistance began, until General Organa recruited him as a pilot. But all that waiting was before; up until now, the worst kind of waiting was after the crash on Jakku. Because it wasn’t really waiting. It was pain; long and drawn-out, stabbing at his chest even as he felt the thrill of battle above Maz’s castle on Takodana.

He’d known Finn for less than a few hours at that point, but he felt as though they’d been friends for years. The crazed look in his eyes as he realized Poe could get him off the Base, the excited shout as he took down his first TIE Fighter. The embrace as both of them realized the other had survived. It was all running through his mind on a loop, day in and day out.

It was all he had of Finn to remember.

Poe finally got Finn back.

But now? He was stuck waiting again.

This waiting was worse than anything he’d felt before. Finn was there; literally _right there_ in front of him. And yet, he was just a warm body, void of life. It’d been a week since they’d returned from the attack on Starkiller Base, a week since Rey had gone to find Luke. A week had gone by without so much as a twitch from Finn; nothing. The medics tell him that it could take time, but they reassure him that Finn will be back.

The thing is, reassurance always turns sour without payoff.

And Poe was absolutely bitter.

Every morning, the first thing he did was jump up from his chair and check for the usual signs. Nothing to eat, not even stopping to piss. Just his back aching from how he slept on it, and the pain in chest chest desperate to subside. But for seven mornings, he woke up at Finn’s side only to feel a new wave of dread come over him. He was a mess, and he knew everyone noticed. He’d only eaten when he was starving; only left Finn’s side when he absolutely had to. Poe felt responsible, the anger built up in his head without any real reason. He was doing his job, but he was still angry at himself for _not being there_ , as if he would’ve made a difference.

This morning, he was repeating the same words in his head as he held Finn’s limp hand in his own.

_I’m not leaving you. I’m never leaving you. I’m not leaving you, Finn._

Every minute that he watched Finn lie motionless felt like another year of waiting. He just wanted to stand over him, scream at him to _WAKE UP_ and somehow see his eyes flit open again. But all he got was the warmth of Finn’s hand, heavy with his arm, acted on by nothing but gravity.

He had a recognizance mission in two days, but he wasn’t sure if he’d even be in a state healthy enough to do it.

_Don’t make me do this alone, Finn._

Nothing.

Poe sat back, mouth left open as he fumbled for words.

_“I’m sorry, Finn. I’m sorry.”_

\\\

The earliest memories he could think of were with his mother. She’d been discharged from the Rebellion, and took it upon herself to teach her six-year-old son how to fly the A-Wing left to her as a gift for her service. At first he just sat on her lap on got used to the pull of gravity, but eventually she let him take hold of the controls, before letting him fly alone for the first time when he was just eight. He was a natural from the start, flying with finesse by eleven.

Poe could remember her face, brown curls and a wide smile that he’d never forgotten. Her voice, warm and assuring through the comms as he would practice.

“Keep the nose up, kiddo!”

It was a sentence that he heard every time he thought of her; it stuck in his mind because right after it, he remembers her telling him,

_“You’re gonna make us so proud one day, Poe.”_

When his father first brought news of her death, Poe ran up the stairs, slammed the door and wouldn’t leave for anything. His father passed food through the gap under the door, but for days on end Poe sat alone, crying himself dry only to find more tears hidden away come up to the surface. After four days he finally unlocked the door, shirt crusted with snot and tears, whole body trembling. His father came running at the sound of it, taking Poe into his arms and repeating the words,

_“I’m not leaving you. I’m never leaving you. I’m not leaving you, Poe.”_

They stuck with him ever since then, the words he used in his worst moments. The moments where words did nothing but keep the pain of silence from going on. He knew he should’ve been there for his father; and now, he wasn’t going to make the same mistake again.

\\\

Poe’s communicator buzzed in his pocket. It was the General.

He turned back to Finn one more time, brushing the stubble that had accumulated over the week with the back of his hand.

“I’ll be back, buddy,” he promised, “I’m not going anywhere without you.”

Carefully placing Finn’s hand back on the table, he got up and left the medbay.

-

Poe closed the door behind him, looking over to see the General studying a map on the far side of the room.

“You asked to see me?” His voice was frail; it was the first time he’d spoken at normal volume in almost two days.

Leia turned around, the all-too-familiar look of concern in her eyes. She was the one who brought Poe into the Resistance; and Poe treated her like the closest thing he had to family.

Because he knew she was waiting, too.

Waiting for a message from Rey, waiting to see her brother after so long. It was this unspoken bond that kept them close, and that kept her from punishing him for any of this innumerable order violations. She knew his resolve was strong, and she trusted him to go off the book when he felt it was their only option.

“We’ve got something - a distress call from one of the freighters we sent out last month. They made it to their destination, and this takes immediate precedence over any other missions, but…” Her thought broke off as she looked up from the table and saw Poe, a heavy-lidded mess of a man. “Oh, Poe…”

He gave her a weak smile, but the pain underneath wasn’t hidden with so small a gesture. She walked over and put her arms around him, the thought of his week-old clothes doing nothing to stop her. “Don’t let this weigh on you, Poe.” She let go, stepping back to look at him. “I know what it’s like. But he’s coming back. _I know it_ .” Poe placed a hand on her shoulder, the words easing the weight over him just enough to feel _something_ from them.

“I know it too.” He closed his eyes, willing back the tears. “I just wish I didn’t have to wait.”

It was Leia’s turn to give a false smile, but the sight of it comforted Poe nonetheless.

“That’s why I want you on this mission, Poe. I think it would do you some good to take a break from this.” She squeezed his arm, _“Finn’s not going anywhere.”_ The sound of his name struck Poe, fighting off another wave of self-pity.

He grunted.

“Just think about it, ok? You don’t need to decide until morning.”

He nodded.

She paused in thought.

“Do you think this is what he’d want? To see you like this?”

Poe met her gaze, knowing she was right but the words hitting him no less bitterly because of it.

“He knows you love him, Poe. You don’t need to prove it.”

\\\

 _Love_ . It was a short word that meant so much in some instances, and almost nothing in others. Poe had only ever loved a few people. His parents, Leia, Rey and Finn came to mind. _Love_ was a word Poe saved only for occasions where he knew he’d regret the absence of it.

He _loved_ Finn because they’d been through so much in so little time. He wasn’t sure what kind of love it was; friendship? Camaraderie? Something deeper? It was impossible to tell. But the word… it somehow fit whatever he was feeling into a compact form.

_It would do._

\\\

That night, he convinced himself to sleep in his own bed. It would at least be a test of his own resolve before committing to a two-day-long mission. He returned to the medbay once more before forcing himself to get up and leave Finn’s side.

He realized it’d been almost two days since he’d eaten, but at that point he would’ve used any excuse to get out of sitting alone in a dark room, knowing exactly the kind of thoughts that would run through his head.

Poe decided to stop in the bathroom before heading to the dining hall, needing a second to think everything through. Standing in silence, he approached the mirror above the far sink, getting close enough to just about kiss it as he studied himself.

His eyes were heavy and tired, his hair a mess and his lips dry. He knew why General Organa didn’t waste time before comforting him; he looked like a fucking disaster. He noticed the ugly, week-old stubble occupying his chin. His cheeks were visibly shallow. Looking down, his fingernails - most of which were gnawed down - had dirt trapped underneath.

He concluded a shower was in order, realizing the sad fact that he hadn’t done much of anything, including clean himself, since this all started.

His hands trembled as he twisted the faucet handle, letting the water run visibly hot before letting his fingers feel the sting. After growing accustomed to the heat, he cupped his hands underneath and brought them to his face, letting out a sigh as the liquid ran down his face and chin; caring little for the darkness forming around the neckline of his shirt.

Looking up once again, he watched the last few drops of water roll off his chin before patting himself dry with his shirt and making his way to the exit.

-

As the door to his room slid open, Poe suddenly realized how deafening silence can become. The space was dark, uninviting. Moonlight shone through the ceiling window, but the pale blue cast across the wall did little to make it seem like anything but the _last_ place he wanted to be.

He took a step inside, turning the lights on but immediately flicking the switch back as the harsh, artificial light bore down on him. It’d been the first time he’d seen his own room in a week, but this wasn’t the same. After a long mission, the first thing Poe always wanted to do was jump in the shower and get a long rest. But now? He regretted every moment not spent by Finn’s side. The thought was stifling.

After a moment, he swallowed the feeling and resolved to at least wash up. Pulling off his undershirt, the feeling of air against his chest was a relief; the white fabric crumpled on the floor was distressed and stained after such prolonged use.

He undid the button on his pants and pulled them down, again stopping to feel the breeze on his skin. Then came his briefs, Poe’s mouth twitching as cool air hit his groin for the first time in days.

He sat on the corner of his mattress, pulling his socks off and tossing all the tired clothing into the bin against the wall. He stopped to let his skin breathe, gripping the sheets under him as the fleeting moment of peace was quickly replaced with more frustration.

_Fuck._

He stood up and walked to the sink in the bathroom, looking again into a mirror. He needed to see the effect this all had on him again, before it was washed away.

Turning around, he twisted the knob and brought the shower to life, stepping inside even as the steam billowing from behind the curtain warned him against it. He gritted his teeth as the hot water targeted every nerve ending on his chest.

After a moment it felt great, the steam penetrating his skin to finally give his aching muscles relief. Sleeping in the odd angles of a chair for seven days was seriously fucking with his posture, but he hadn’t noticed how present the pain in his arms and chest was until it’d subsided.

He turned around, arching his back as the hot water ran down his spine. It was intense, but the numbing it provided was well worth the immediate singe. He maneuvered his shoulders around so the water hit him at all angles, frozen in place as every appendage let out a collective sigh.

After a few minutes of blissful burn, he finally got to work soaping himself up. Working shampoo though his hair twice, Poe was finally satisfied as the water pooled up clear in his hands after running over his scalp. Next came his torso, underarms and back, all feeling tender against the washcloth after being trapped against fabric for so long. He worked his midsection and finally his legs, feet sore and raw; almost unbearably so against the cloth. He had to balance himself against the wall as he ran the cloth between his toes, wincing the whole way through.

Once finished, the cold air against his skin after stepping out snapped him back to reality. He rummaged through his drawers for a while before finding a pair boxers and a brown undershirt, slipping them on and letting his body fall slack onto the bed. The sheets under him were still made from the last time he’d been inside there. His eyes were focused on the stars flickering through the window, waiting for his eyelids to grow heavy.

He wasn’t sure if he could bring himself to go on General Organa’s mission; he’d have to decide in the morning. But right then, the proposition of a good night’s rest clawing at his subconscious was just about the most exciting thing he’d felt in a week.

 

**// Now**

 

Poe wakes up when the light floods in from the window above him and, _of course_ , hits him right in the eyes. He sits up, back stiff but better than before after a night of sleeping flat. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he stands up and makes his way to the sink.

 _God_ . His back feels so much better, he rubs it as he walks over. The image of his features last night is still fresh in his mind, and he stops to admire just how much good a shower and some sleep can do. His eyes still look tired - they _are_ \- but his face is clean, he no longer looks like he could pass out with a strong gust of wind.

Pulling open the top drawer of his dresser, he pulls out a grey undershirt and pair of sweatpants and pulls them over his skin. He finds a clean pair of socks and puts them on, too.

A few minutes later, Poe’s halfway through a meal bar at the foot of his bed when he hears a knock against the steel door across from him.

“Yeah?” He looks up, mind suddenly flooding with a million possibilities. A million _bad_ possibilities.

“It’s Jessika”

Poe gets up and makes a point of walking as slow as possible.

She’d clearly been up for hours, face wide awake and pilot jumper already on.

“Hey.”

“Jess.”

He doesn’t reject her movement as she comes in for a hug.

“You doing better, Poe? You look better.”

“Sure.”

She smiles. Poe can tell she isn’t faking, though.

“The General wants to see you. Us. It’s about the distress call? She told me to get you.”

Poe nods. He walks back to his desk, grabs his communicator and follows Jessika out the door, bar still in hand.

They make it halfway down the hallway before Jessika speaks again. “You sure you’re alright, Poe?”

His eyebrows lift as a sign of indifference. “No, but I can do this.”

She reaches out and squeezes his arm. “I _know_ that, but I don’t want you to get onto that X-Wing unless you’re completely sure, alright?”

_Uhuh._

They keep silent for the rest of the walk, crossing the landing zone without a word.

She stops him outside the door to the war room, taking Poe by the shoulders. “I’m sorry, Poe.”

His brows lower, noticing the hesitation in her voice. “For…?”

“This whole shitty situation. I know it can’t be easy. Just- I just want you to know that I’m here, ok?” The empathy in her eyes is genuine.

“Thanks, Jess.” He thinks before continuing. “I’ll be fine. Really.”

She gives him another grin before turning to open the door.

General Organa stands at the map controls, hand guiding a group of pilots through their flight path. She stops at the sound of the door, looks over and sees Jessika and Poe in the doorway. She dismisses the pilots and meets the pair halfway.

“Poe.” she smiles, but this time it’s not for show. “You look better.”

“So I’ve heard.”

Jessika walks down to the map, looking over the path.

“I take it you’ve decided to go through with the mission, then?”

Poe’s eyes wander. “Yeah.”

“Just remember what I said. He would-”

“I know.” Poe doesn’t want to hear her say it again; once was plenty.

Jessika picks her head up from the display. “Hey, c’mere.”

He walks down and stands next to her. “What am I looking at?”

She puts out a hand, finger cutting into the hologram. “There. Right… _there_.”

It’s a foreign movement indicator, flashing orange. “What-”

“ _Shit_ , is that a…?”

Leia hurries over, hands firm on the glass as she decides what to do. “Ok, get into uniform; I’ll gather Blue Squadron for this, but it shouldn’t be that much trouble.”

Jessika nods.

Poe’s already halfway to the door by the time the General finishes her sentence.

-

The medbay is quiet, his footsteps echoing against the glass panels around him. Poe stops outside Finn’s station, opening the door and standing over him, the sound of his heartbeat on the monitors a relief.

He takes a deep breath. “I’ve gotta do something, Finn. Just one thing, and I’ll be back.” He smiles weakly before finishing, “Don’t go anywhere without me, buddy.”

His gaze is locked on Finn’s face, walking backwards out of the room until he turns to leave.

-

Hopping up and down to fit his legs into the orange jumpsuit, Poe can’t stop thinking about Finn as he gets ready. _What if he wakes up?_ Or worse, _What if he doesn’t… ever?_ He suppresses the thought, but knows it won’t take long to flash back through his head. He stuffs the communicator in his front pocket and hurries out the door.

-

Jogging out onto the landing zone, Poe catches sight of BB-8, dormant next to his ship.

“BB-8!” The droid powers on, taking immediate note of Poe’s haste and positioning itself under the magnetic attachment arm.

Poe turns and sees Jessika, already seated in her ship, waiting for a signal. He hops up into his T-70 and hits the button to lift BB-8 up behind him.

“You ready?”

The droid produces a cautious tone.

“Oh, _now_ you’re getting cold feet, huh?”

It lets out a series of chirps. Poe freezes, hand on the ignition.

_It asked him to protect Finn._

“I will, buddy. Don’t worry.”

The engines whir to life, and he pulls the worn helmet over his head. He switches on comms.

“-don’t want this get out of hand. Poe and Jessika, you keep center and take them out. The rest of you, keep the pressure on and divert their course  - the last thing we need is a dogfight over the base. Copy?”

Jessika’s microphone crackles to life. “Copy.”

Poe swallows hard, remembering Finn’s motionless body in the medbay.

“ _Poe_ , do you copy?”

He blinks. “Copy.”

Leia continues. “Alright. This should go pretty quick; our radars only picked up six moving in.”

She pauses.

“Now, get out there.”

Poe waits for Jessika to take off before following suit, the sun bearing down past the horizon as he trails her.

There’s a morning fog covering the skyline, making it harder to see past a few dozen feet.

“You ready?”

Poe cracks a real smile for the first time in a while. “You know me, Jess. Always ready.”

He doesn’t need to see her face to picture the grin she was wearing. “Alright, the first Fighter’s a ways out, but stay sharp.”

They continue on, Poe catching the nose of a Blue Squadron member in his peripheral vision. After a few moments of silence, the display under him starts beeping. “Alright Jess, this one’s yours.”

She pulls forward, waiting to get a lock.

 _“Got it!”_ Two red beams shoot off into the mist, an orange glow erupting far in front of them.

One of the pilots behind them gave a holler in response.

“Wait…” Poe squints. “Why aren’t they-” A flash of green fills his vision, his hands instinctively shift the stick right. “Shit, they definitely know we’re here now.”

“Poe, you’ve got an Interceptor on your right!” He glances down at the screen. She knew he was distracted.

“On it.” He swerves to the right, avoiding another shot. “Blue Squadron, we’ve got company.”

Poe aims the cannons, waiting for the system to lock on. “Almost…” The screen glows yellow and he pulls the trigger. Two bursts of red erupt from either side of him, flying into the fog at an impossible speed. They hit their mark far sooner than he expected, and the flaming chunks of metal tear through the clouds.

_“Poe!”_

He swerves up, BB-8 buzzing behind him. “We’re good. You got the next one?”

“As soon as I can find a target.”

Another shot comes from beyond the clouds, but it isn’t aimed at them; it almost feels like a warning.

_They aren’t fighting back._

_“Wait, Jess.”_

General Organa comes back online. “What’s going on?”

Poe knows they only had a matter of seconds before the next ship is bound to come at them.

“This isn’t an attack.”

“What is it?”

“They aren’t f-” the whine of a TIE Fighter stops him. “We’ve got to turn around.”

_Jessika is stunned. “What?”_

“Do it. _NOW.”_ He pulls the stick up, flying up and back around to keep the momentum going in the opposite direction. He turns around and looks at BB-8. “You with me?”

The droid’s head is shifting around frantically.

“Good.”

Jessika follows Poe’s movement. She pulls back around and calls for the rest of the pilots to follow suit.

“What’s going on, Poe?”

Another beam shoots by them, another miss too obvious to ignore.

“You see that? They aren’t trying to hit us.”

“What _are_ they doing?”

Poe grits his teeth, fury boiling inside of him.

“Keeping us busy.”

He locks his outgoing comms to the base.

“General, check for ground troops.”

“Poe…?”

_“They’re not shooting at us.”_

“What?”

“I think they’re using us as a diversion.”

Leia pauses.

“We don’t see anything on the radar, but I can send out scout-”

“Do it.”

“You don’t think-”

Poe feels a shiver run down his back at the sound of her worry. “I don’t know, but we’re not gonna give them the chance to show us.”

He opens the comms back up.

“Jess, open ‘er up. We’ve gotta get as far ahead as possible.” He pushes the accelerator as far as it’ll go, and sees the vague outline of the base in the distance again.

“What’s the plan here?”

“We’ve… we need to get ahead, let Blue Squadron whittle ‘em down and we’ll take out any left over.”

 _“Why_ did we need to turn around for this?”

“If they’re not shooting to kill, Jess. they’re stalling. Keeping command occupied.”

“You mean-”

 _“Yes_ , and I think we need to stay close to base in case this ends up being more than just an aerial assault.”

“Alright. Just say when.”

They continue on, the Resistance base fading into clarity as the fog grows thinner. Poe takes a deep breath. _I’m coming back, buddy._

“NOW.”

All at once they reverse course again, Blue Alpha coming into view as they take the lead.

“You’ve got this; we’ll take any stragglers.”

“Affirmative.”

Soft outlines of First Order ships decorate the white horizon, as the Blue Alpha leader comes in over comms. “I’ve got center. Bastian, you take right, and Snap, you’ve got left. The rest of you get ready for more. Affirmative?”

Poe locks his comms back to base.

“News?”

“Nothing so far.”

Poe watches as the X-Wings in front of him tear through _one…two...three_ enemy ships. Charred metal hurls toward the ground, glowing red and billowing trails of smoke.

Silence.

“Poe?” Jessika’s voice felt heavy.

“Yeah?”

“I count five.”

 _Six._ There were _six_ ships on the radar.

“Shit. General, what do you see?”

“Nothing, I- it’s _gone_.”

“That’s impossible.” The words come out rushed.

“We don’t have anything down here, Poe.”

“It’d have to be _on the ground.”_

“That’s…what I’m afraid of.”

He opens comms once again. “Everyone, back to base. _Now_. We could have hostiles on the ground, keep an eye out and alert the General of anything that looks off. Copy?”

A somewhat unisonous “copy” comes back, and the burning in Poe’s chest subsides slightly as he steers the nose of his ship back to the landing zone.

_Hold on, Finn._

-

Steam curls up from the engines of his T-70 as he opens the cockpit window, reaching behind the seat to grab his blaster before jumping onto the cement.

Poe jogs over to Jessika’s X-Wing as she lands, BB-8 rolling behind him after being lowered from the ship.

She drops down, face anxious.

“Hear anything from the General?”

Poe shakes his head. “Nothing.”

They start jogging to the base entrance, and Poe hears BB-8 behind him. He stops and turns around, motioning to Jessika.

“I’ll catch up with you.”

He waits for the droid to roll towards, and goes down on one knee. “What’s going on?”

BB-8 looks past Poe’s leg, letting out a low noise.

“Finn?”

It looks up at the sound of his name.

“He’s in the medbay. He’s still out, you-”

BB-8 keeps insisting.

“Alright, buddy. I’ll check up on him. Just get back to the ship.”

He watches the droid roll back to their X-Wing, powering back down against the front landing gear. Poe was looking for any excuse to see Finn again. He just knows that now is the worst time to get emotional.

_Fuck it._

He makes his way into the base, fumbling for the communicator in his pocket.

“Jess.”

“Poe?”

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing so far-” there was a muffled exchange, and then the General’s voice. “Poe, the scouts found that sixth ship; it was caught in the debris when Jessika shot down the first Fighter.”

Poe stops to exhale. “So we’re in the clear?”

“It seems like it. The scouts will keep watch, but it seemed to be just another case of poor timing.”

“What about their defense? They weren’t shooting.”

“We’ve still got to recover the flight control boxes, but this wouldn’t be the first time our scramblers messed with the nav systems of ships on autopilot.”

She sounded convinced.

“Good.”

No longer feeling guilty about his intent, Poe walks double-time to the medbay.

-

Greeting the nurse on his way in, Poe places a hand on the glass door to Finn’s station and closes his eyes in relief at the sight. He steps inside, taking his place in the chair for the first time in a dozen hours.

Finn’s hand is as warm as ever in Poe’s own. He closes his eyes and lets his breathing match pace with the gentle rising and falling of Finn’s chest.

\\\

It was something he learned as a kid; it was the only way to fall asleep during thunderstorms, head resting on his mother’s stomach.

Or, later on, his father’s.

For months after Shara’s death, Poe couldn’t sleep alone. He would wake up in the middle of the night, sweating and crying. His father never complained or expressed annoyance, only spoke words of reassurance and traced Poe’s back with his fingertips. It was one of the things that would always work, no matter what. The feeling was hard-wired into his brain as a sign of comfort.

Poe didn’t fly again for almost a year, terrified of navigating without her voice there to guide him. It wasn’t until Kes convinced Poe to steer in his lap again, a few months after his ninth birthday.

Poe’s hands shook, but Kes was determined to take the fear out of the activity - he knew Poe would make a great pilot one day, but not until he broke down the wall that his mother’s passing had created.

 _“You know what to do, bud.”_ Kes’ voice was always strong, always sure. Even when he himself was on the verge of tears. _“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, Poe.”_

\\\

Poe wakes up.

It’s dark outside, the sky black through the window.

He rubs his forehead, a red mark having formed from resting on the metal table. _“Wha-”_

He remembers where he is, Finn’s hand still against his.

He looks down.

“Wh-”

Poe’s not holding Finn’s hand.

_Finn’s holding his._

_“F-”_ His eyes darted between his hand and the face across from him. _“Finn?”_

Nothing.

“Buddy?” He gets up, lifting his hand. Finn doesn’t let go.

Poe looks through the glass and sees the nurse.

“Excuse me?”

He stands up, hurrying over.

“Is something wrong?”

Poe shakes his hand, showing off Finn’s grasp.

“Is he…?”

The nurse gives a sad smile. “Involuntary muscle contractions. If he was waking up, that... that wouldn’t be a sign.”

Poe grabs Finn’s wrist with his free hand to pull it away, setting it back down.

“Sorry, Poe.”

The pilot falls back into the chair, heart racing over nothing.

“We’re all anxious to see him, Poe.”

“Right.”

Poe looks over at the nurse, lump in his throat.

“Get some sleep. We’re all worried about you.”

He looks down at Finn, nostrils flaring as he takes a breath.

“I’ll buzz you if anything happens, ok?”

“Yeah.” Poe looks down. _I’ll be back._

The nurse pats him on the back as he leaves. “He’s coming back.”

Poe doesn’t remark as he leaves the white-lit medbay.

-

Laying on his bed once again, Poe can’t help but get existential.

He’s a pilot, fighting an impossible war as both of his closest friends are unreachable in one way or another.

What’s the point?

Peace?

Poe hasn’t known peace in all the years since his mother’s passing. There was never a moment he could ever stop and truly think everything through; life had a way of tossing him from one thing to another without giving him any time to reflect. To question.

He’d been through so much; two wars and countless battles, but he was still _fighting_. Fighting for himself, fighting for Leia, Rey, Finn; fighting for everything he couldn’t live without.

He just hoped there was something after war. Poe desperately craved the day he could finally sit, look up into the sky and think to himself, _it was all worth it._

 

**// Day Zero**

 

Poe wakes to a loud rapping on his door.

_“Poe! Open up!” it was Jessika._

_Is this it?_

His torso shoots upward, and he scrambles to find something to put on. His eyes rake frantically across the room. He settles on a pair of sweatpants.

He hits the red button on the door panel, and Jessika’s wide eyes greet him on the other side.

“ _Poe,_ it’s Finn.”

“Is he-”

“Just _come on_.”

They both run down the hallway, Poe’s mind spinning in circles as he realizes what’s actually going on.

They make it to medbay entrance, and he stops to catch his breath.

Jessika grins. “Not gonna give up _now_ , are you?”

Poe doesn’t respond.

_“C’mon.”_

Poe stands up straight, hands trembling slightly. His legs will him forward without instruction. He turns the corner of the wall, and makes his way past the medical stations.

_3… 4… 5…_

_6._

Poe bites his lip as he cautiously makes his way in front of the glass.

_Finn, oh god, Finn._

A million questions flood his mind, but when he opens his mouth, something much simpler comes out.

_“Buddy.”_

It’s almost a breath, and Poe can already feel his chest thumping so hard he’s convinced Jessika could hear it out by the door.

Finn looks up. He didn’t hear Poe come in.

 _“Poe! Holy sh-”_ His brain sends the impulses to stand up, but the sharp pain forces him back down.

_“Ahhhh, fuck.”_

Poe cringes at the sight of it. He approaches Finn, looking over him with disbelief. He wants to throw his arms around him; feel his cheek against his own, but Finn’s face telegraphs pain that the pilot knows he’ll only make worse.

“Finn, _oh god.”_ He can feel the emotion behind his eyes build up. _“_ Buddy, I _missed_ you.”

Finn concedes to sit still and outstretch his arms instead, preferring the milder searing across his back over not embracing Poe at all.

Poe bends over into an awkward hug, arms stuck in the air, afraid to touch Finn’s scar. Finn doesn’t let go for a while, loving the feeling of Poe in his arms too much to cut it short.

It’s enough.

Once he lets go, Poe grabs the chair from behind the table and sits down.

Finn squeezes his eyes shut as he wards off a headache, the lights above harsh after so long without having them open.

“Poe,” he starts, “how… long was I out?”

It takes a second for Poe to remember, counting the nights he sat on the opposite side of the station. _Seven, plus two in my own bed_.

“Nine days.”

Finn shakes his head. “Damn…”

“How’re you feeling?” Poe’s eyes were locked on Finn, concern almost bursting out of him as he tried to make every second count. He needed to find a way to make this all better.

“Well, I got up on my own, so I guess that’s a plus.” Finn winces as he bends his back straight, trying to find the right alignment that’ll take some pressure off his spine.

Poe’s brows lower.

“How long do I have to stay here?”

“I dunno, buddy. Probably at least a day or two, until you can stand back-” he stops, hearing footsteps behind him.

The nurse walks into the station, clearing his throat before speaking.

“I thought you’d like to know, you’re cleared for exit, Finn.”

_“Now?”_

The nurse smiles. “Yeah - I figured if you’d rather have Poe look after you, I could leave him with some bacta-strips. I wrote a list of things down,” he hands Poe the page, “that you need to do, though. Obviously, things can’t go back to normal quite yet.”

Finn looks wide-eyed at Poe. “Is that…?”

Poe lets a grin take over mouth. “Yeah. _Of course.”_ He looks back at the nurse. “Do you know how long it’ll take for him to heal up?”

“Enough to comfortably stand and walk? A week or two. For things to go back to normal,” He looks up in thought, “probably a month or more. Bacta is great stuff, but his wound is fairly large.”

“Looks like we’re gonna get plenty of time for proper introductions,” Poe jokes.

“You should consider yourself lucky, Finn. Just a bit deeper, the blade would’ve hit your spine, and...”

Finn puts the pieces together.

“That being said, you’ve recovered quickly, and the wound’s already closed itself up. The skin and muscle are gonna be painful for a while, but there’s no risk of infection.”

Finn nods his head.

“So, I’ll grab the bacta strips, and we’ll give you some cream to dull the pain on the way out, alright?

Finn nods again.

“After that, you’ve gotta take it easy for a while. The more you exert, the longer it’s gonna take to heal.”

The nurse leaves the station, and Poe looks back at Finn.

“I’m not gonna leave you, ok?”

Finn raises an eyebrow. “What?”

Poe realizes how odd that must’ve sounded without the context of the past week.

“ _Uh,_ I just mean I’ll be here for you, ok? I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone on base.”

“Thanks.”

Poe’s still trying to get over the sight of Finn awake as the nurse walks back in.

“Alright. I’ve got enough strips here for… I’d say a couple days,” he hands them to Poe, “and after that we should probably get Finn back in here for analysis anyway.”

“Sounds good.”

The nurse walks around the table and rubs a thin, clear fluid over Finn’s back, clearly trying to be as gentle as possible.

Even still, Finn arches his back in pain.

Poe notices. “You alright?”

Finn hisses. “Y- yeah, _wow._ ” In just a few seconds, his back is numb.

The nurse looks up. “Alright, that should last for ten, twenty minutes at the most.”

“Need some help?” Poe raises his arms, and Finn takes hold. “I’ve gotcha.” Slowly lifting himself, Finn shifts his weight onto Poe’s shoulder, arm wrapped around his neck. “Let me know when you’re ready.”

Finn’s back doesn’t hurt, but it’s also numb, so he tries to balance himself using only his legs. “Ok.”

They take tentative steps outside the station, Finn bracing himself against the glass with his free hand.

“You with me?”

_Uhuh._

Jessika’s waiting in the corner of the room. “He lives!”

Poe gives her a look.

“Finn, meet Jessika. Pray this is the first and la-”

“Oh, _ha-ha_. Listen, kid. If you ever need anything, let me know, ok?”

Finn smiles as best he can, but he knows it’s more of a cringe than much else.

“I will.”

-

Poe shifts the bacta strips in his hand to free up his thumb for the scanner.

“Ok, almost there, buddy.”

They brave the last few steps, and Poe leans over to drop Finn down onto his bed. It’d taken them a while to get back; Finn had to readjust himself numerous times, but now his scar was feeling warm again. Poe places the strips behind him as he sits next to Finn, who’s lying down out of necessity rather than choice.

“Hey.” he looks down, watching Finn’s chest rise and fall as he matches his breathing to the tempo. “Welcome back.”

Finn laughs.

“We’ve gotta get you cleaned up.” Finn’s not wearing anything but boxers, but he also hadn’t bathed in a while, either. He rubs his chin, as if suddenly becoming conscious of the wild stubble that’s grown over it.

“I can grab a razor, I’ve got-”

“What?”

“To… shave?”

“Shave?”

Poe isn’t sure how to respond. “Yeah… your face?”

Finn looks around as if the clue’s somewhere in the air.

“Is that what people do?”

“You’re telling me you _don’t?_ ”

“No! I…” he rubs his cheek again, the sensation foreign. “This hasn’t happened before.” Finn looks at Poe’s face. _“Do you?”_

“Yeah, ‘course I do.”

Did he forget? Is his memory shot?

 _“Oh.”_ Finn’s eyes go wide, and he sits halfway up before remembering that his back was torn open less than two weeks ago. “I haven’t taken- _ah, shit.”_

The pain in his voice puts Poe on high alert. “Taken _what?”_ No response. _“Finn?”_

“My S.”

“S?”

“Yeah, these little black pills. We took them every day, I-”

Poe’s not listening. He’s trying to figure out what _S_ is.

  1. _St-, sa-, so-._



Nothing comes to mind.

_Su- suppress. Suppressants._

“Suppressants?”

Finn’s stare is blank. “What?”

“ _S_ \- isn’t that what it means?”

“Sup- what?”

“Suppressants.” Poe’s mind goes wild. What were they suppressing? Surely a beard isn’t the worst thing for a Stormtrooper to-

“Poe?”

_Huh?_

“What does that mean?” His voice is inquisitive, but full of worry.

“Suppressants are a substance,” he swallows, “designed to block off a normal function.”

“Normal function?”

Poe scratches the back of his head. “Yeah, like… facial hair.”

“Why go through all the trouble for... this?” Finn’s hands flick towards his face.

“I’m guessing that’s not the only thing they suppress.”

_That was ominous._

“I mean, just let me know if anything else changes, alright? We’ll figure it out. I don’t know how long it’ll take to get them all out of your system.”

Finn thinks. “So I don’t need them?”

 _“No._ They’re used to keep people _obedient_.”

Finn’s face contorts with unease. “Do you think they can… control me?”

Poe shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter now. That’s not you anymore; you’re not a _soldier_ anymore, Finn, you’re…”

Finn cranes his neck to watch Poe, his face locked in concentration.

“You’re one of us now.”

Finn doesn’t know how to respond.

“And no matter what anyone says - no matter what _you think_ , you’re a good man, Finn. Better than most of us.”

Finn holds up his hand for Poe to take, gritting his teeth as he pulls himself back up to a sitting position.

“Thanks,” he bites his lip.

“You’ve already gone through enough, buddy. The last thing you need is to feel unwelcome here.”

Finn’s lips curl up into a smile. He isn’t sure if he believes them, but the words make him forget about the pain a little.

And that’s all he needs. They can discuss suppressants some other time; right now, he just wanted to stop feeling so gross.

“So, back to shaving…”

Poe chuckles. “You want to learn?”

“Yeah.”

-

Somehow they managed to get Finn up onto the counter, leaning up against the wall. Poe sat across from him, maybe four feet between the walls on either side of the sink. Poe tells himself it’d be easier to do sitting down, but in reality he just wants an excuse to sit this close to Finn.

“Ok. So this is shaving cream.” He picks up the aluminum can, handing it to Finn to look over.

“Ok?”

Poe takes it back, eyes bright. “You rub this all over your face, and that makes the actual shaving part way less painful.”

“Less?”

Poe laughs. “No, no. I just mean never shave without it. As long as you know what you’re doing, it’s actually kinda relaxing.”

Next, he picks up the new razor he grabbed from the stockroom, orange and gleaming from the fluorescent light above the mirror. “This,” he hands it to Finn, “is a razor.”

Finn studies it, running his finger across the pad of lubricant. “I take it these are sharp?” He points to the blades, four of them set in place with black plastic.

_“Very.”_

Finn takes note, handing it back to Poe.

“So, is that it?”

“Pretty much, it’s just a matter of how you use ‘em.”

Finn lifts his chin in a playful manner. _“I’m waiting.”_

Poe lets out a heavy laugh. “You want me to, or…?”

Finn won’t say it, but he wanted to feel Poe’s hands against his face again.

“Sure.”

“Alright, but you’ve gotta keep still. Unless you’re looking for _another_ scar to add to your collection?”

Finn smiles, the pain all but gone from his mind as he finds itself distracted by Poe’s features.

Poe reaches between them and rinses his hands off in the sink, drying them with the towel next to him on the wall before picking up the can of shaving cream again.

“This is gonna feel weird…” He depresses the button on the top of the can, and a pile of opaque lather falls into his palm. He moves his hand towards Finn’s chin, pressing it and spreading the shaving cream across his face.

Finn’s lips are sealed tight, a juvenile fear of getting any in his mouth taking hold. It looks like soap; and he’s intimately familiar with what soap tastes like.

“You good?”

_Mmmmf._

Poe puts on full-teeth smile. “You can open your mouth, buddy. It’s not gonna _hurt_ you.”

Finn does so, cautiously.

“See? Still here.”

Finn feels outright _stupid_ right now, face covered in something he hasn’t quite determined the consistency of.

“Ok, so now comes the fun part.” Poe takes the razor in his right hand, holding it up for Finn to see.

“What if you mess up?”

Poe’s smile doesn’t fade. “I won’t.” He lowers the razor before continuing, “besides, if anything goes wrong, I hear scars can be sexy.”

Finn laughs out loud for the first time in a _long_ time, breath sending flecks of shaving cream onto the countertop, onto Poe. The movement of his chest sends a burn down his left side, but it’s worth it.

_“Shit, sorr-”_

“Don’t worry about it.” Poe lifts the razor again, “Let’s get to work.”

Finn freezes, worried of moving too much and causing Poe to cut into his face.

Poe places the head of the razor on the cutoff line of stubble on Finn’s left cheek. “You ready?”

Finn closes his eyes. _Uhuh._

“Alright, nice and still buddy.”

He drags the blade downward, a soft _fffffffff_ as it cuts a sharp line through the lather.

Finn pauses for a moment even after the blade is gone before daring to move again.

Poe lowers the blade and rinses it in the sink. “Not so bad, huh?”

“No, that actually… it felt _nice_.”

Poe raises a sarcastic eyebrow. _“Told you.”_

Finn reaches up and rubs his thumb across the freshly-shaven patch of skin.

Poe taps the razor on the edge of the sink, knocking away the excess water. “Like it?”

“Yeah, feels _way_ better.”

“You wanna try this next bit?”

Finn looks into his eyes.

“No.”

Poe realizes just then how _good_ this is. Fuck the war, this moment - this one _simple_ moment is something he’ll never forget.

He moves the razor toward Finn’s face again.

“Ok, I’ll keep going unless you want to try?”

“Yeah.”

He continues on, bit by bit, purposefully moving slow in an attempt to keep the this going.

Finn doesn’t bother asking him to stop, loving every second of the attention and warmth of Poe’s steady hand on his chin.

-

“Ok, that’s it!” Poe runs the blades under the tap once again, admiring Finn’s features.

Finn rubs his hand across his face, the familiarly smooth texture back under his fingers. Then he looks back at Poe, noticing the shallow, barely-there beard on his face.

“Are _you_ gonna shave?”

Poe smirks. “Not tonight, no.”

“So… What next?”

Poe twists his mouth in thought.

“Well, you definitely need a shower, but I don’t know if that’s really possible yet…”

Finn drops both legs off the counter and slowly, _slowly_ drops down onto his feet. His teeth are set hard against each other, but he refrains from letting out another hiss.

“I want to.”

“You sure? I don’t know if the w-”

“Yeah, I might as well try.”

Poe thinks. He points a finger to the edge of the tub in front of them.

“Sit down there, and we’ll see if the water’s too much.”

Finn nods, doing some sort of hop across the small room and shifting his weight onto the metal lip of the tub.

Poe sits down next to him, leaning back and reaching over to start the water. He keeps a hand under the stream until it feels tepid.

Torso leaning against the wall behind them, Poe looks at Finn’s scar, mottled around the edges and pink toward the center. He cringes, the thought of him forcing pain to run through it setting his teeth on edge.

“You ok, buddy?”

Finn turns his head. “Yeah, just… be careful.”

Poe takes his hand out from under the water, figuring skin contact would be less jolting before he ran water over the tender flesh.

“Ok…” His hand cool from the water, he _ever so gently_ places it on Finn’s shoulder.

The shudder that runs through Finn’s body makes him pull it back immediately.

_“Shit.”_

Finn’s eyes are shut tight. “ _No_ , it’s ok. Just… need to get used to it.”

Poe looks back at the glistening handprint. “You sure?”

“Yeah.”

He tries it again, this time ignoring the subtle tremble of Finn’s shoulders when his palm makes contact.

“You with me?”

_Uhuh._

With an almost nonexistence touch, Poe traces the top of the scar down an inch or so, all senses trained on Finn’s reaction.

“Good?”

Finn doesn’t reply.

He doesn’t object, either.

Poe runs his hand under the water again before continuing down, slowly searching for problem areas. He gets midway down Finn’s back and stops.

“Still ok?”

Finn opens his eyes.

“I think so.”

“Ok.” Poe cups his hand, letting the water pool in it before leading it back over Finn’s neck. He tips it slowly, letting the stream run down Finn’s back.

Hearing the strained inhale, Poe backs off.

“Ok. Maybe we should just wait it out?”

 _“No.”_ Finn sits back up. “No, I can do this.”

Poe frowns.

“Alright. Let’s get you up.”

Poe helps Finn stand, shaking arm bracing himself against the tile wall.

Finn twists the knob, letting the water heat up before taking a handful and tossing it down his back.

 _Uuuuhhhh._ It comes out sounding like relief, and Poe relaxes.

“I think it’ll help numb it, so I should be fine.”

Poe hits the button, switching the water flow up to the shower head. Finn feels the steam begin to form, the heat feeling almost impossibly good against his skin.

_“Damn.”_

Poe lets go of his shoulder. “I’ll be on my bed, ok? Let me know if you-”

Finn stops him with a shake of his head. “No, just… stay here.”

Poe’s mouth is stuck open. Finn notices.

“Oh. Is that… weird?”

Poe snaps out of it. “No, no. It’s fine, I’ll just... uh, stay by the sink.”

That’s not what Finn meant, but he can hear the unease in Poe’s voice.

_Why is that weird?_

\\\

Nudity in the First Order; it was just as much a part of life as eating or sleeping. Showers, bathrooms; everything was open, and no one ever felt it necessary to cover up.

Ever since he stepped foot on the Resistance base, he noticed how much taboo seemed to be placed on it. Bathrooms had stalls, showers had _curtains_. It seems superficial; why hide your body?

Everyone’s got one, why pretend otherwise?

\\\

“Ok.”

Poe pulls the curtain along the length of the top bar, crossing his arms and taking a step back to lean against the counter.

Poe watches the curve of Finn’s body as a soft silhouette, broad shoulders and strong thighs drawing bold shadows across the frosted-white curtain.

He watches Finn pull down his boxers and toss them out between the curtain and the wall, landing on the bath mat.

_Finn’s beautiful._

Poe knows it, but he also feels bad. Finn has only ever done the right thing - maybe the _stupid_ thing - but the _right_ thing since they met. He was willing to sacrifice himself for Rey, and doesn’t seemed phased at all by the fact that he was essentially torn open for little more than a mild distraction.

Poe’s brows draw a hard line across his forehead as he watches Finn fumble to pump out soap from the dispenser with only one hand, the other set against the shower wall. He runs it through his short hair, extended arm noticeably shaky as it copes with the entirety of his weight.

“Everything alright?”

_Mhm._

Poe’s head snaps toward the bedroom as someone knocks on the door. He grabs a towel from the shelf beside him and places it on the ground.

“Someone’s at the door, buddy. I’ll be right back.”

“Ok.”

-

Poe walks out of the bathroom and over to the door as the visitor knocks again.

“You two better not be screwing already.”

Poe sighs. _Jessika._

The door slides open, and she’s leaning against the frame in a mockingly casual way.

“Soooo- _ooooh my_ _god_ ,” her face grows red as she laughs, “start the party without me?”

“Wha-?” He looks down, realizing he never cleaned the shaving cream off his clothes.

“Shut up, I was teaching him how to _shave_.”

_Uhuh._

“What do you want?”

Jessika steps inside, still chuckling. “Thought I’d stop by and see how the base’s newest _item_ is doing.”

“Item, huh?” While Poe _is_ annoyed, he can’t help but crack a smile at Jessika’s impossibly cheerful demeanor.

“Hey Finn, you in here, kid?” She sits down on the bed.

A muffled _“yup”_ comes from the bathroom.

_“Is he taking a shower?”_

“Yeah.” Poe looks down.

“ _Poe_ , the kid just woke up with half of his back shaved off, how did you manage to-”

“It wasn’t _me!_ He was adamant about it.”

She looks over into the bathroom.

“You hungry, kid?”

There’s a silence, and then a _“starving.”_

Jessika looks back over at Poe. “You want something?”

Poe nods. “Just don’t get Finn a meal bar. I think he’s had enough of those for a lifetime.”

Jessika pokes him in the chest as she crosses the room. “A _meal bar?_ In the Dameron Estate? I wouldn’t _dream_ of it.”

Poe grabs her wrist and she turns back around. “Thanks, Jess.”

“ _Please_. I just don’t want the kid starving to death while you’re busy staring at him.”

_Hm._

She leaves, and Poe walks back to the bathroom.

-

“How’s it going?” Poe sits back up against the countertop.

“Almost done.”

Finn’s silhouette shifted, now he’s bracing himself with the opposite arm.

“How’s the back?”

“Not so bad.”

The water stops, and Finn puts a hand out past the curtain.

Poe hands him the towel and waits.

After patting down everywhere but his back, Finn braces himself on his forehead to free up both arms as he wraps the towel around his waist and opens the curtain again.

Poe’s eyes light up. “Hey.”

Finn still has himself propped up with one arm.

“Can you…”

 _“Oh._ Yeah. Of course.”

Poe walks over and takes both of Finn’s forearms in his hands, balancing him as he steps over the edge of the tub. They step back to the bed, and Poe lets out a sigh as Finn sits back down.

_“Theeeeeere we go.”_

Finn’s back is still wet - still way too sensitive to use a towel on, so he sits up to let it air out.

“Jessika should be back soon, she’s getting some food for us.”

Finn looks up. “Is she staying?”

Poe laughs as he sits back down. “I take it you aren’t looking to make friends right now?”

“ _No_ , I… I just…”

Poe carefully grips his shoulder, avoiding the scar tissue. “What’s up?”

Finn rarely blushes, so the heat in his cheeks comes as somewhat of a surprise.

“I just thought that… _we_ could just relax. Unless that’s not-”

“Whatever you want, buddy.” Poe looks into his eyes. “This is about _you_ , ok?”

\\\

Finn isn’t sure _why_ he feels like this. It’s like hunger; but instead of in his stomach, he feels the tightness in his chest.

He just wants to stay with Poe; he feels... _comfortable_ with him, like nothing could touch him when Poe has a hand on his shoulder. He’s never felt like this before, and it’s terrifying and exciting all at once.

_Was this something else the suppressants dulled?_

\\\

“Thanks.”

“Finn, listen to me.”

Finn looks over, taken by the sudden sternness.

“I-”

_“Open up!”_

Poe’s mouth was still open, the word half-formed, and it turns into a grin.

“Hold that thought.”

He gets up, opens the door and steps outside.

-

“Thanks, Jess.”

She hands him a package wrapped in foil. “What? You’re not gonna let me in?”

“Finn, uh… I think he just wants to get some rest.”

 _“I see.”_ Her eyebrows raise in doubt.

 _“Jess_ , for fuck’s sake I’m just trying to take care of him.”

She hums mockingly. “Whatever you do, just remember the poor kid’s back is already bad enough as-is.”

Poe shakes his head, biting his the inside of his cheek to keep something worse than _“thanks”_ from coming out.

“Anytime, pal.”

She turns and walks back down the hall.

-

“She’s not mad, is she?”

Poe smiles. “She’ll be fine.” He sits down on the bed, holding the package in his hands. “I think she likes you, buddy.”

“I find her… intimidating.”

Poe laughs. “We all do, but you’ll get used to her.”

Finn eyes the bundle of foil in his hands. “What’d she bring?”

“I’m not sure…” Poe unwraps it, feeling his own hunger build as he realizes how long it’s been since he last ate. Inside the shiny wrapper sits two sandwiches, a handful of protien balls and a few squares of chocolate.

Poe looks over. “Your pick.”

Finn’s eyes are huge. _“What… is that?”_

“What?”

 _“Any_ of that.”

Poe realizes that rations weren’t just the main thing Finn’s eaten to this point; they must’ve been the _only_ thing.

“Finn, what did you eat… _before_?”

“Bars. They were green, tasted kinda like dirt.”

“So you’ve _never_ eaten anything else?”

Finn thinks.

\\\

There was one time, vivid in his memory, that he ate something different.

In his dorm, the trooper who bunked above him - FA-3200 - would always get into trouble. Sometimes he snuck out at night, sometimes he stole food from their Captain.

He was Finn’s best friend, as much as they could’ve been. They’d stay up long after head counts had been done, and talk. About their duties, about anything; but mostly, they talked about _leaving_ . Running away, exploring the far reaches of the galaxy that the First Order would never see them touch. They’d spend hours musing over what it would _be like_ \- to be _free_.

To no longer be soldiers, but humans.

One night, FA-3200 had been late to their usual meeting spot. It was just outside the barracks; a small gap between the wall and doorframe. Finn waited for 10 minutes, 20, 30, and then he lost count.

He’d fallen asleep when the other Trooper got there.

_2187!_

Finn woke up, startled with a million excuses already flooding his thoughts.

 _“Wha-“_ The sight of 3200 brought him back down, but he was still in shock.

_“Here.”_

3200 handed him a small, spherical object wrapped in paper.

_“Eat.”_

Finn wasn’t sure what to think; but he trusted 3200. He was the only person Finn knew well enough _to_ trust.

He loosened the twisted paper and let it fall into his other palm.

_“Is it… safe?”_

_3200 grinned. “Of course.”_

Finn tossed the small thing in his mouth, and almost gagged at the flavor. It was overwhelming; sweeter than anything he’d tasted before. Dark and smooth, but intensely sugary.

_“How is it?”_

Finn struggled to open his mouth, tongue stuck against his teeth in an involuntary reaction.

_“2187?”_

Finn swallowed hard, letting the flavor mellow out before daring to open his mouth.

_“What the fuck was that?”_

3200 let out a near-silent chuckle.

_“I don’t know, but Phasma had it on her desk.”_

_“Phasma? How did you-?”_

_3200 shushes him. “It doesn’t matter.”_

He sits down next to Finn, and they start their usual routine. For the rest of the night, Finn’s tongue runs itself across the roof of his mouth, still in disbelief.

The next morning, he could still taste it at the back of his throat.

It was the first and last time he ever felt such a stark contrast between unfamiliarity and pleasure.

\\\

“Once?” He’d paused for a good minute before answering, and coming back from the memory, he notices Poe’s worried gaze.

“Yeah? What was it?”

Finn looks down at the package again. “I don’t know. It was… sweet.”

Poe picks up one of the brown squares. “Chocolate?”

Finn’s expression is blank.

“We’ll try it after.” Poe picks up half of a sandwich and hands it to Finn.

“Try this.”

Finn doesn’t waste time looking it over; within a few seconds, a chunk of it is already in his mouth.

Poe laughs. “Why didn’t you tell me you were this hungry?”

Finn’s mouth is full, but he replies anyway. “I’m not used to-” he swallows, “not used to asking for food. We ate on a schedule, and that was it.”

Poe places a careful hand on his shoulder. “Well, here you just eat when you want, alright? Doesn’t matter if it’s in the middle of the night. I’ll show you the dining hall tomorrow.”

Finn takes another bite.

“So how is it?”

 _Salty._ It doesn’t taste even vaguely like dirt, and that’s enough.

“Good.”

Poe takes the other half, places the foil next to him and falls back.

“Trust me, Finn. This is _hardly_ the best food out there. You’ll get to try some, soon enough”

Finn finishes his half.

“Hey,” Poe looks at the scar in front of him, “what was life like before?”

Finn doesn’t answer, and Poe sits back up in regret.

“Sorry, buddy. I didn’t mean to pry. If you-”

“No, it’s ok.” Finn takes a deep breath. “It was... routine. Do this, then that. Every day.”

“Did you… have any friends?”

_3200._

“Sort of… but we didn’t have much time for fun.”

Poe considers the idea. “Have you ever-” he cuts himself off, realizing how _stupid_ of a question it is. “Nevermind.”

Finn looks back at the pilot. “What?”

“Nothing. It’s none of my business.”

The words only make Finn want to know more.

“Just _ask_ me.”

Poe sits up. “I was gonna ask, um,” he clears his throat, “If you’ve ever killed anyone. But then I realized that’s probably the _worst_ question to ask right now.”

Finn looks down.

“Sorry.”

He shakes his head. “Yes.”

Poe looks over in surprise. “Before or after?”

“After.”

“So you never-?”

“No.”

A pause.

“I couldn’t.”

Poe reaches over to hold Finn’s hand.

Both of them are trembling.

Poe rests his head lightly on Finn’s shoulder.

“You’re ok, Finn. You’re ok.”

He wants to say more. He wants to say _I’m so sorry_ and _You don’t need to worry anymore_ and even _I love you,_ but all he can manage is _“You’re ok.”_

For right now, it’ll do.

***

It’s dark.

They’d finished their food a long time ago, and now they’re propped up against the wall, Finn using three pillows to hold himself at a comfortable angle.

Poe’s running his arm across Finn’s shoulder, knowing full well how difficult it’s going to be for Finn to fall asleep.

Finn wouldn’t say it (it feels wrong to say things like this), but he loves the feeling. Once in a while Poe’s hand would travel too low and he’d feel the edge of his scar grow tense, but it was worth the attention a hundred times over.

\\\

He’d never gotten attention in the First Order.

He, as anyone else, was one piece in a machine.

Except, that makes it sound as though he was somehow important.

_He wasn’t._

Finn was expendable; his body merely a vessel ready to be reconditioned at the slightest hint of defiance. If he showed too much emotion, showed hesitance; all it took was for one person to notice, and he’d be sent off to relearn the base code of the First Order, and by some combination of force and sheer exhaustion forget everything - good _and_ bad - that he’d ever known or done.

Just like that.

The First Order was never exactly known as a place of compassion. But to treat their troops - _real humans_ , not clones like Finn heard came before - like obedient machines was the first of many things that stopped him from pulling the trigger on Jakku.

\\\

So the faint tingle that runs down his aching spine at Poe’s touch is just about the best thing Finn can ask for, right here, in this moment.

He isn’t entirely sure how they got to be here. At one point they were joking around eating sandwiches, and the next thing he remembers was trying chocolate for the second time. Then, somehow, they ended up here.

It’s all a blur, but something tells Finn that the details matter less than the soft friction of fingertips against his shoulder.

“You should probably get some sleep, Finn.” Poe’s voice is concerned and itself exhausted. “I can grab a blow-up mattress from the stockroom, but I want you to take the bed.”

Finn opens his eyes. “No.”

Poe feels like he knows where this is going. “No?”

“I- I’m not gonna be able to sleep on my own.”

For the second time that day, Poe ignores his first instinct and just goes with it.

“Whatever you want, buddy.”

Finn spots the bacta strips on the far end of the bed. “Shouldn’t we-?”

Poe sits up. _Shit._ “Yeah, forgot about those.”

Finn does his best to lean forward, hands shaking against his thighs as the air hits his skin.

“Ok, I’m gonna need you to pretend this doesn’t hurt,” Poe jokes.

“Got it.”

Poe looks at the scar, and tries not to think about it.

“Ok, you ready?

“No, but… go ahead.”

Poe nods. “Ok.”

He peels back the paper layer, revealing a clear, transparent gel strip. He lifts it up and places it gel-side first across the scar.

 _“Fuck.”_ It’s cold on Finn’s back, but after a moment of shock it starts dissolving and numbing the pain.

“Still with me?”

“Yeah.”

Poe gingerly peels back the second paper cover, leaving nothing but the half-dissolved strip against the scar.

It looks disgusting, like it’s oozing something.

The sight of relief in Finn’s eyes distracts Poe from it, and lets him breathe a little easier.

“Thanks.”

“Did it help?” Poe knows the answer, but wants confirmation.

“Yeah, it’s… kinda numb, I guess.”

“Good enough to sleep?”

Finn nods. “Yeah.”

Back suddenly far down his list of concerns, Finn grabs the pillows and flops himself back down onto the mattress with an amount of confidence neither of them expected.

“Damn, buddy. I didn’t think it would work _that_ well.”

“How long is this stuff supposed to last?”

Poe thinks, but can’t remember the nurse mentioning anything.

“I dunno.”

Finn rolls onto his side and stuffs the pillow under his neck.

Poe follows suit, a gap between them but the heat from Finn’s scar still present against his frame.

-

Both of them try to fall asleep, but it’s a fruitless effort.

After a few minutes, Finn feels the same deep pressure build up in his right shoulder, and he knows the gel’s immediate effects are about to wear off.

“Hey, Poe?”

Poe’s eyes are closed, but Finn can’t see them. He’s still wide awake.

“Yeah?”

Finn feels stupid for asking, only because he still isn’t entirely sure where the limits of _normal_ conversation are.

“Um, earlier, when you were rubbing my shoulder…”

“You liked that?”

_Mhm._

He reaches forward and runs his hand over the top end of the broad scar. “Good?”

“Harder.”

Poe isn’t entirely sure what that means, so he applies the slightest of pressure. After making a few circles with his fingers he pushes harder, waiting for a response.

He’s pressing harder than he feels comfortable with when Finn tells him, _“There.”_

Whether it’s from laying down for a week, not being able to sit up completely straight or something else, the spot just under his shoulder on his back was feeling insanely tense.

The same spot Poe’s now massaging, rhythm pushing relief into the tender muscle underneath.

Poe doesn’t know how long he keeps going, hand seemingly taking charge as his head falls onto the pillow and he feels himself fall asleep.

\\\

FA-3200 was Finn’s first crush.

At least, he fits the description. Finn doesn’t know _exactly_ what crush means, but it seems to work.

Every night they snuck out, Finn found his eyes fixed on the other man’s features. His tan skin, broad shoulders and dark eyes made Finn feel somehow _different_ than when he was around anyone else.

It wasn’t fear, but it felt the same in his stomach. His heartbeat would raise and he could feel himself blushing, but he didn’t know _why -_ was it normal? Did 3200 feel it?

Finn would find himself thinking about 3200. Not for any particular reason, which was weird. He’d be in the middle of training or even sanitation duty and just start thinking about him, unprompted. He usually thought about 3200’s bold eyebrows, or his deep voice, or some other aspect that wasn’t really that special but somehow _felt_ special in his head.

He never told anyone about how he felt.

Looking back, Finn realized that he felt the same way the first time he saw Poe. He realized that even in the midst of escaping - _even_ while being shot at by TIE fighters, Finn wasn’t just feeling fear.

But right now, with Poe’s hand rubbing against his skin, he feels something entirely new.

 

**// Day One**

 

Poe wakes up before Finn.

Or, at least he _thinks_ he does.

His hand is still against Finn’s shoulder.

He looks at the back of Finn’s head, black curls running part of the way down his neck and smooth, dark skin broken only by the torn flesh running lengthwise down his back.

_Finn’s beautiful._

He waits, not wanting to mess with this in the slightest. The first bit of light is coming down through the ceiling window, and it cuts a golden line across the small of Finn’s back.

Poe closes his eyes. What do they do now? Sit around and talk for a week until Finn can stand on his own?

\\\

Poe wants to somehow tell Finn that he loves him; but he doesn’t know if either of them are ready for it. If Finn will even reciprocate. He figures the suppressants blocked libido, so who knows what’ll happen when a guy gets that back after so long.

Poe wants to be there for Finn; he wants to tell him _I’m not going anywhere_ and live in a time without war and care for Finn until he heals and fly across the galaxy together and just _exist_ together without all the baggage that they currently hold.

But he can’t.

This isn’t a time of peace; this isn’t even a time of moderate safety.

Poe wants to teach Finn how to fly and wake up every morning with him in his arms and cook breakfast for the two of them and make stupid jokes that no one else but they find funny and for once in his life be able to just sit back and _enjoy_ it.

But he can’t.

This isn’t a time to relax; this isn’t even a time to stop and look back before the next mission.

Poe wants to grow old with Finn and one day look back on their lives and feel himself tear up at the thought of everything they’ve done.

But he can’t.

\\\

Finn groans as he wakes up.

He flips onto his back before his eyes shoot open, brain taking a moment to recognize the pain.

_“Oh, fuck.”_

Poe puts a worried hand on Finn’s bicep.

Finn’s almost panting. “Gonna have to… get used to that.”

“Right.”

Poe looks over and sees the red indicator light on his communicator blinking. He extends his arm and fumbles for it.

“What is it?”

Poe sighs. “The General.”

“Oh! You should probably-”

Poe nods. “Yeah.”

He faces Finn again, letting go of his arm and standing up. He’d completely forgotten to take off his clothes last night, but he figures it just makes things easier.

“I’ll be right back.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Finn lets out a dramatic sigh, “as if I have a choice.”

-

Poe sees her on the other side of the war room.

“General?”

She turns around. “There you are.” She walks over and looks him over.

“I haven’t seen you since yesterday. How’s Finn?”

Poe smiles. “Good. He’s… dedicated.”

She laughs. “Well, we can certainly use that around here.”

Leia clears her throat. “I was talking to Jessika earlier, and we both agree you could… use some time off.”

Poe freezes.

“I talked to the doctors and they guessed Finn would be walking in a few days… does a week work?”

A week. A fucking week?

“Uh, _yeah_ , but... “

She shakes her head. “Don’t give me any trouble about this, Poe. We’re doing this for Finn just as much as you.”

“Thank you. _So much_ .” Poe’s almost giddy; _a week?_ He hadn’t had that kind of free time in years.

“Just take care of him, Poe. I know how much he means to you.”

He voice cracks as he replies, _“I will.”_

She leans in for a hug. “I knew he’d be back.”

Poe nods. “So did I.”

-

Poe’s grinning ear-to-ear as the steel door slides open.

Finn had managed to sit up. “What happened?”

Poe drops onto the end of the bed. “I, uh-” he chuckles, still wrapping his mind around it.

“The General decided to give me the week off. To stay with you.”

Finn is surprised, but the second half of Poe’s thought is what hits him.

_To stay with you._

“Really?”

“Yeah; we can go out and look around, or just hang out… whatever works.”

Finn’s too busy thinking about how much time he’s going to get with Poe to sort through his options. “What do you think we should do?”

Poe shrugs his shoulders. “Not sure… I’ve never really had this much time on my hands but… we could start with grabbing breakfast after I get cleaned up?”

“Sure.”

Poe steps into the bathroom and Finn’s left to think.

\\\

Right now, Finn feels the same way about Poe as he did with 3200. He’s sure of it.

Except, this seems to be more… _physical._

His heartbeat is faster, but he also feels something else. It’s like _hunger_ , but not in his stomach. It’s in his chest, in his lower abdomen; something inside of him that needs satiating, but the feeling is too new to pinpoint exactly what’s going on.

Finn thinks about how Poe looks in the morning, eyes groggy and dark curls dancing wildly across his head. The smile he wore as he walked into the room; it was the first one of its kind Finn had seen on Poe’s face, and he loved it.

Finn doesn’t know what he’s feeling; but at the same time, it certainly isn’t the worst feeling he’s ever had.

He reaches back and touches the spot just below his shoulder, where Poe’s hand had been. It’s a little sore, but it feels a hell of a lot better now that the pilot’s fingers had worked on it.

Finn decides that even though touching was strictly avoided in the First Order, it’s not so bad after all. The heat of someone else’s skin against your own is... reassuring.

Poe’s touch is different, though. It isn’t like Rey’s or even 3200’s; it sparks something inside of him, like a key unlocking a feeling Finn hadn’t known until now.

\\\

He hears the door open. Poe steps out, face cleanly shaven and hair still damp.

_He looks… good._

(There has to be a better word to describe him, but right now Finn’s stuck with that.)

“Alright, buddy. Let’s get you up.”

Finn sits up as straight as he can and lifts his arm for Poe to take.

“So, you’re ok heading out without proper clothes on?”

Finn hadn’t even considered it. “Yeah… why not?”

Poe nods. “Just checking.”

“Is that bad?”

“ _No_ , I just… wanted to make sure.”

Finn’s standing with his full weight on Poe’s shoulder again.

“We good?”

“Yeah.”

-

“It’s still pretty early, I don’t think there’ll be much of a crowd.”

They’re almost at the end of the hallway.

“Alright.”

“Did you ever eat breakfast... before?”

Finn shakes his head.

“I think you’ll like what you see.”

Finn laughs. “I’ll hold you to that.”

-

“Alright, just-” he sits Finn down on the bench, “there.”

They take the table at the far end of the dining hall, but there are only a few other people around anyway. Poe sits on the opposite side of the table.

“Good?”

“Yeah.”

“Anything catch your eye?”

Finn looks over at the long table full of trays. “I don’t know what... _any_ of that is.”

Poe smiles. “Right, uh… I’ll just grab a bunch of stuff, and we’ll see what works?”

_That sounds wasteful._

“Sounds good.”

Poe gets up and makes his way to the table.

Finn watches him go, and then his eyes wander to the few other people scattered across the room. He sees Jessika with a bigger guy, heads buried in their plates.

Other than her, unsurprisingly, no one else looks familiar.

Poe comes back a couple minutes later, two white plates in his hands. He places one in front of Finn and sits, waiting.

“Where do I start?”

Poe’s grinning from ear to ear.

“What looks good?”

“I-” Finn shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

Poe takes his fork, picks up a chunk of something yellow with it, and hands it to Finn.

“Try it.”

He does.

It’s interesting. It doesn’t have much flavor, and the slippery texture is odd.

Poe’s brows raise in anticipation.

“It’s... alright?”

He laughs. “Ok, try this.” Poe picks up a strip of something brown and wavy, and gives it to Finn.

It’s salty. Greasy.

Finn loves it.

“How is it?”

Finn give him thumbs-up, mouth full of a second bite.

“Thought you’d like that one. It’s bacon.”

“Bacon.”

“Yeah - and this,” he uses Finn’s fork to break off a chunk of the big, round thing in the middle, “is a pancake.” He dips it in the small cup of brown liquid and hands it to Finn.

Finn’s tastebuds balk under the harsh sweetness, but nonetheless his mouth is watering.

“Wow.”

“Good, right?”

_Mhm._

Poe takes a bite of his own food, and points at Finn’s plate with his fork. “Eat as much as you want, but you don’t _have_ to finish it.”

Finn looks at Poe. “Thanks.”

He chuckles. “I didn’t _make_ it, buddy. I just put it on a plate.”

_Right._

“No, I just mean… for all of this. You didn’t have to.”

Poe swallows. “I’m not doing this because I have to, FInn. I’m doing it because I _want_ to.”

“Why?”

Poe frowns.

_Because I love you, Finn._

“Because that’s what friends do.”

Finn turns the word around in his head. _Friends._

“Jessika told me that you stayed by my bed while I was out?”

Poe swallows again, but this time it’s not because of food.

“Yeah, I… I did.”

“Why?”

_Because I love you, Finn._

“Because I was worried about you.”

Something hits Poe in the back of the head. He looks down at the crumpled-up napkin before Jessika’s voice breaks the silence.

“Hey, lovebirds.”

“Jess.”

She plops down next to Poe and puts a dramatic arm around his neck.

“He taking good care of you, kid?”

Finn nods, mouth full.

_“He, uh… show you around?”_

Poe shrugs her off. “Damn it, Jess.”

She’s cracking up. “It’s a fair question!”

“No, it’s not.”

Finn tries to join in. “I kinda want to see where you guys work.”

Poe sighs. “That’s not… nevermind.”

Jessika laughs again. “Oh, I’m sure you’ll get to that... _eventually_.”

“What do you mean?”

Suddenly she realizes what’s going on, and bites her lip to stop from cracking up again.

“Oh, _Poe._ I think you really picked a green one here.”

“Green?”

Poe’s face is burning.

“I’ll leave that one to flyboy here.”

_Finn laughs. “Flyboy?”_

“Oh, he-? _Of course_ he didn’t.”

“Jess, maybe this isn’t-”

“ _Ohh,_ you’re not getting out of this one, Poe.”

Finn’s eyes are darting back and forth between them.

“That’s his nickname. Feel free to use it when he... _misbehaves.”_

Poe stands up. “I’ll go get some coffee.”

“Double sugar in mine.” Jessika watches him leave before leaning over the table.

 _“So,_ kid. You like him?”

Finn doesn’t know what she means. But he remembers what Poe said.

“We’re… friends.”

She bites her lip and looks over to make sure Poe isn’t coming back.

“Right, but I mean… do you _like_ him?”

Finn’s forehead wrinkles as he tries to figure out what she’s getting at.

“I don’t know what y-”

“Alright, listen kid. Poe _likes_ you, whether he’ll say it to your face or not. If you don’t… just let him down easy, you know? I was here for it last time and… it wasn’t pretty.”

Finn thinks. “I think I do, but I don’t really-”

Jessika shushes him. “Here he comes.”

Poe walks over with three coffees balanced between his chest and arm.

“Can we pick a different subject? Please?”

He hands Jessika one cup and puts the other down beside Finn’s plate.

“Whatever you say.”

Finn takes another bite.

Jessika takes a long sip before giving Finn a look that clearly means something he isn’t catching.

“You ever had coffee before?”

“No.”

“Oh, I gotta see this. Try it.”

Finn lifts up the paper cup and takes a sip. It’s just barely warm.

He almost spits it out. _“What the fuck?”_

Both Poe and Jessika start cackling. Finn puts the cup back down and takes another bite of his pancake to get rid of the taste in his mouth.

Poe’s the first to recover. “It’s, uh… an acquired taste, buddy.”

Finn shakes his head. “That’s disgusting.”

Jessika chimes in, “try drowning it in sugar.”

_Not today._

Finn swallows and pushes his plate away. He was still hungry, but now the whole thing was sort of ruined.

Poe finishes up while Jessika saunters back to her table, and Finn keeps trying to find _any_ redeeming quality of the bitter liquid.

After a few minutes of silence, Poe decides he’s had enough.

“Alright, lemme take that,” he grabs Finn’s plate and walks over to the trash bin.

Finn reaches up and massages his shoulder. He expected Jessika to comment on his relative lack of clothing, but instead she left him wondering how many different meanings _like_ can take on.

Poe returns to Finn’s side of the table and holds out a hand. “You ready?”

“Yeah.”

***

The sun is fading through the window above them, yellow light bleeding over their bodies. Finn’s been asleep for a few hours, and Poe, unable to follow suit, has been waiting and keeping pace with Finn’s breathing, reading some documents on his holopad when even that became boring.

He tries to think of what they’ll do over the next few days; but he keeps coming back to _this_. For a man who never got a chance to ever truly relax, sitting with Finn against him seems like the best way to spend his free days.

He tries not to think about what’s on the other side of Finn; a permanent reminder that true safety is nothing but a distant wish for those at war.

\\\

Poe doesn’t know how long it’ll be until they have to fight again; the First Order took a blow, but nothing that vile truly dies out with one hit. Eventually there’ll be more battles to fight, more suicide missions to run head-first into.

Right now, Poe just wants to sit with Finn forever. Sit and admire his smooth skin and soft lips and short curls forever. Crack jokes and introduce him to real life and see his eyes go wide every time he learns something new forever.

But he can’t.

Poe wants to ask Finn if he knows what love is, and ask if he feels it now that he’s off his suppressants and ask if hurtling toward Jakku in a flaming TIE fighter brought them closer or if it was just a rush of adrenaline that somehow turned into superficial desire.

But he can’t.

Poe wants to run away, show Finn parts of the galaxy that he’d never get to see in the First Order and spend the rest of his days trying to one-up himself with new ways to see his eyes light up in awe.

But he can’t.

War is knowing that at any moment, Finn could end up dead and Poe would be forced to live, once again, in a state of misery as one more source of happiness in his life is ripped from his grasp.

War is knowing that at any moment, Poe could end up dead and he’d never know if Finn would mourn him, if Finn would visit his grave or if Finn would cry over him at night because he was the only one Finn had ever loved.

War is not a time for love. War is not a time for relaxing or matching someone else’s breathing or admiring someone else’s features or wishing you know how to express how you feel without fear of scaring the other person away.

But he can’t stop himself.

Because war is also a time that love matters the most; without it, there is no reason to fight. The rush of battle can only fuel you for so long before you start to question it all.

Without anyone to fight _for_ , war becomes tedious. It loses purpose.

It cracks at the seams and doubt replaces valor.

\\\

Poe doesn’t wake Finn; he figures he could use the sleep.

And he figures he could, too.

 

**// Day Two**

 

Poe wakes up gripping the sheets _tight_ , fingernails digging into the fabric.

He doesn’t remember his dream, but the effects are no less apparent.

He looks over at Finn.

_Finn’s gone._

He lets out a groggy _“ffffuck”_ and rolls onto his back.

_“I swear to god, if Jess took him I’m gonna-”_

Finn steps out of the bathroom, a confused look on his face.

“Buddy?”

“Hey, I just needed to get some water.”

Poe sighs. “No, that’s fine… but _how?”_

He shrugs his shoulders. “It doesn’t hurt that much anymore.”

Poe is stunned.

“So you… can walk fine?”

“Well it still hurts, but not enough to keep me down.”

“C’mere.”

Finn sits down in front of Poe. “What?”

“Can I…?”

“Yeah, just be careful.”

Poe reaches up and starting at Finn’s shoulder, traces a line down the scar. It’s hard, like it somehow healed over in just one night.

“That… doesn’t hurt?”

Finn rolls his shoulders, stretching them for the first time in a while.

 _“Kinda,_ it… I don’t know what happened.”

The flesh is still painful to look at.

“Do you wanna drop by the medbay and see what’s going on?”

He stands back up. “Sure.”

-

Finn gets more than a few surprised looks on the way.

They turn the corner to the medbay and step inside. The nurse looks over in shock.

“Finn! You’re… walking already?”

Poe grins. “Yeah, that’s why we’re here.”

The nurse looks back at him. “What do you mean?”

“We just want to make sure that this isn’t a fluke.”

The nurse motions Finn to a nearby table. “Let’s check it out.”

Finn sits down and the nurse walks over to a tray on the opposite side of the room.

“I’ll need to take some blood.”

Finn looks at Poe, worry flashing across his face. “What do you mean?”

Poe walks over and starts massaging his shoulder. “It’s just a needle; it barely hurts. You’ll see.”

The words don’t do much to help.

The nurse tries at calming Finn down. “It’s a standard practice. I take a blood sample, and after processing it we can see what’s going on inside your body. Find out if everything’s looking good.”

Finn swallows. “Ok.”

The hand on his shoulder gives a squeeze. “I’m right here, buddy.”

The nurse takes out something that looks like a toy gun and holds it up for Finn to see. He rubs a damp cloth on Finn’s bicep and places the flat end of the device against his arm.

“Ready?”

Finn exhales. “I gue-”

“Done.”

Finn looks back down, and sees the glass chamber of the device filled with a bright-red fluid.

_That’s my blood._

“Not so bad?”

Finn feels stupid. “I didn’t even feel it.”

The nurse smiles as he presses a cloth over the small puncture. “That’s the idea.”

Finn looks up at Poe, whose gaze is fixed on his arm.

“I should have the results ready in a few hours. But judging by the tissue,” he runs a gloved hand over the scar, “you seem to have an artificially-enhanced cell regeneration rate.”

“What?”

“When you were a Storm-” he stops, “uh, sorry.”

Finn shakes his head. “It’s fine.”

“Right. Well, _before_ , did you ever take any sort of regulated suppressant?”

Finn remembers what Poe said.

_They keep you obedient._

“Yeah, I think.”

The nurse nods as he removes the glass tube from the device and places it on the counter beside him.

“Yeah, we’ve gotten samples of standard First Order suppressants before. In addition to the standard effects, they seem to target regeneration. Advanced stuff; we’ve been trying to replicate it here, but we just don’t have the resources.” He pauses before continuing, “Our medics suspect recruited children are genetically altered and the suppressants act as triggers, but nothing solid has come through yet.”

Poe’s eyes shift around in thought.

“Something on your mind, Poe?”

He looks up. “No.”

Finn can’t help but ask, “what else do they do?”

“The suppressants?”

“Yeah.”

The nurse leans against the counter. “Basic stuff. They regulate mood and appetite, block the drive for social interaction and libido.”

Finn’s brows lower. “Libido?”

“Sex drive.”

His expression doesn’t shift away from confusion.

“We can get to that later. Right now, let’s just figure out if everything’s out of your system.” He walks with the vial over to a square machine and places it inside. “Finn, can you give us a minute?”

“Yeah.” He gets back up and walks out into the hallway.

Poe walks over to the machine. “What’s up?”

The nurse closes the small door and hits a button.

“I think Finn needs to learn about some things,” he rubs his chin, “and it seems like you two are already… close?”

Poe laughs. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“It’s just… you and I already learned this stuff when we were younger, and he’s still pretty oblivious as an adult.”

“Right.”

“It seems like you have a connection, and maybe he just doesn’t know how to express what he’s feeling. Finn hasn’t been allowed to experience arousal… well, _ever_ , so it’s probably gonna give him a good scare when it happens.”

“You’re asking me to teach him about sex?”

“Well, it’s either that or I dig up some elementary-level holovid chips for him to study.”

Poe cracks a smile.

“Am I mistaken in thinking there’s something going on?”

Poe doesn’t answer.

“I don’t mean to pry, but it might make sense for him to learn this from _you_. Especially if there’s anything happening between you, it’s best to get the facts out there before they become a barrier.”

“I get it.”

“It’s up to you, but when he starts producing hormones he hasn’t ever encountered before, it’s probably gonna hit him _hard_. I’m just trying to find the healthiest way for him to process all of this”

Poe nods. “I’ll think about it.”

“Alright. I’ll give you a buzz when the results are ready.”

“Thanks.”

-

Poe steps out into the hallway.

“Hey.” Finn’s leaning against the wall.

“Hey.”

Poe puts an arm around him and joins him in staring up through the long pane of glass in the ceiling.

“What’d he say?”

Poe takes a dramatic breath. “Uh, he just wants to make sure you learn about… _certain things_ you never got the chance to pick up on.”

“Like?”

“We’ll talk about it.”

***

It’s dark outside, and both of them are back to lying in bed.

The nurse had sent a ping to Poe’s communicator, but the results could wait until morning.

Somehow Finn had ended up leaning on Poe, head against his stomach and shoulders straddled by Poe’s legs.

Poe’s running his hands through Finn’s short hair, trying to come up with a good way to introduce him to everything he’s been missing.

Finn has his eyes closed, head flooded with the sensation of fingers against his scalp. It almost seems to melt away all of the stress built up in his mind, and he feels ready to fall asleep right there.

“Good?”

“ _So_ good.” His eyes are closed, arms crossed. Finn doesn’t want to move, for fear of ruining the moment.

Poe shifts his focus downward, massaging behind Finn’s ears and down his neck.

_“Right there.”_

\\\

Poe remembers getting the same thing done to him as a kid. His mother knew _exactly_ where to massage, and it would put Poe to sleep in just a few minutes.

At least on good nights.

Good nights were the nights when the three of them were together, huddled around each other on the couch and watching the stars through the huge window opposite the kitchen.

Good nights were the nights when Kas would grill something up and they would eat until they could barely move, and Poe fell asleep on his mother’s lap long before his parents were finished drinking and laughing.

Once she was gone, his father never attempted it. It was _her thing_ : to try and replicate it seemed to almost be an offense.

\\\

But Poe knows how it feels, and he knows that Finn could use it.

Poe knows _he_ could use it.

Suddenly a thought hits Finn. He remembers Jessika and how he didn’t know what she meant by _like_. He’d meant to ask Poe, but they were both... sidetracked. Finn figures now is as good a time as any.

“Hey, when I was talking to Jessika earlier,” he shifts to let Poe reach further down his neck, “she asked me if I like you.”

Poe keeps his hands going, but the rest of him freezes.

“I don’t, um… know what that means.”

Poe lets out a deep sigh. “You know what love is, right?”

“I know the word? I’ve heard it before.”

_“Ok.” How am I supposed to explain all of this?_

“It isn’t really one specific thing, which makes it hard to talk about.”

“Ok…”

“It’s… well, it’s a _feeling_ , but it’s not like anything else.”

Finn feels like he knows less than he did thirty seconds ago

“It’s when you feel attracted to someone else.”

“Attracted?”

“Yeah… you like being around them, you like _looking_ at them… just someone you feel different around than anyone else.”

Finn’s eyes are closed. _Makes sense._

He opens them again. “Have you loved anyone before?”

_Shit, he’s really going for it._

“Sure.”

“Anyone recently?”

_Is he…?_

Poe forces a laugh, “anyone in particular?”

Finn bites his lip. Is this too far again? Is he uncomfortable?

“Do you love me?”

Poe’s eyebrows raise. “Oh, that’s… that’s quite the question.”

“Sorry.”

Poe quickly grips Finn’s shoulder in reassurance. “No, no. It’s fine, I just… wasn’t expecting it.”

“I don’t want to make this weird…”

Poe shakes his head. “You’re ok, buddy.”

_“Ok, then… do you?”_

Poe tilts his head up against the wall.

_Finn isn’t ready for this. He doesn’t even know what he’s asking. Hell, I don’t even know what he’s asking._

Even still, he says “I do.”

“Really?” Finn sounded more excited than before, to Poe’s surprise.

“Yeah, I do.” The words come out easier the second time, but it still doesn’t sit right. “Finn, I don’t want you to feel like you have to do any of this.”

He looks back up at Poe, studying the pilot’s red face upside-down.

“What do you mean?”

“I know we’re close, but I’m the first guy who’s ever cared about you like this, right? I just don’t want you to think I’m the only option. Or that you need to make _me_ feel a certain way.”

Finn closes his eyes. “You’re not the first.”

Poe’s jaw goes slack. “Was there someone before?”

\\\

Finn remembers watching 3200 die.

It wasn’t during a mission; it was when they were out doing something stupid.

Finn remembers it so well because Phasma made him _watch_ as his only friend was reconditioned.

A needle connected to thick black cable ran from the rear of 3200’s neck to a large machine. He screamed out to Finn, _begged_ him to stop the machine. He fought and twisted and pulled at the restraints as Phasma hit the button in the center of the console, and Finn watched through tears and gritted teeth as 3200 went slack.

Reconditioning is supposed to be done with the target unconscious.

Because it hurts so much that the target usually goes unconscious from pain regardless.

But Phasma knew that wouldn’t hurt as deep as watching the realization flash across 3200’s face.

Phasma turned to him and pointed at the shell of his friend.

_“Let his mistake be an example.”_

Finn’s fist was primed behind him; he wanted to jump at her, tear off her helmet and beat her up until that _fucking_ grin he knew she had on wasn’t even physically possible anymore. He wanted to see her blood drip onto the black floors, and he wanted to see his knuckle bruise as a reminder of he’d done.

But he couldn’t.

She unplugged 3200 from the machine and instructed him to leave.

He did.

-

The worst part was that Phasma knew exactly what she’d done. Killing 3200 would’ve been bad; but to keep him around as a Trooper and force Finn to interact with him was what she knew would get him.

Every time Finn looked at his face, he was reminded of just how much he wanted Phasma dead.

3200’s features were the same; but his mind was wiped blank. He would follow orders without stopping to think, and never spoke the same way again.

3200 was dead.

That’s when Finn realized that there _is_ something worse than death.

\\\

“Finn?” He’d been staring at the ceiling for a while.

“FA-3200.”

“Who?”

“He was the only other person.” His voice cracks.

“Is that… his designation?”

Finn shakes his head as something hot runs down his face. He sits up and drops down next to Poe instead, no longer in the mood.

Finn uses his forearm to wipe his face.

_“Was.”_

“Oh.” Poe shifts his body closer to Finn’s. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Finn sniffles.

Poe doesn’t know what to say.

So he takes Finn’s hand.

Finn is surprised by the gesture, but doesn’t complain.

They sit in silence for too long.

“Did you love him?”

Finn looks over, into Poe’s concerned eyes.

“I _do_.”

Poe nods. “It’s ok to cry. I know you were taught otherwise. But this isn’t _weakness_ , buddy. This shows that you’re human.”

The words seemingly will more tears out of Finn, and a few minutes later he’s curled up, bawling.

\\\

_This shows that you’re human._

Finn doesn’t know if he believes the words; if he _can_ believe them. He’d been raised to follow orders on command; he’d be doing that right now if it weren’t for Poe.

He’d be reluctant, but nonetheless obedient.

\\\

The sudden weight of Poe’s arm around Finn breaks his train of thought.

As if he could hear what Finn was thinking, Poe leans over and says _“You’re human. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.”_

Finn doesn’t respond.

“I don’t know if you really understand what love means. But I _love_ you, Finn. Know that.”

“I do,” Finn croaks.

And then, “I love you too.”

The words didn’t come from his mind; he hadn’t willed them out, and yet there they were.

He means them.

Poe runs a hand up and down Finn’s arm.

_“You’re ok buddy. You’re ok.”_

 

**// Day Three**

 

When Finn wakes up, Poe’s arm is still around him.

Poe’s _body_ is still against him.

Finn doesn’t recall how they’d gotten there; but it’s a nice feeling.

He waits for a bit, but Poe doesn’t move. Finn gets up.

Poe’s hand slips down and grips the sheet before he pulls it back towards himself.

Finn walks over to the dresser, figuring he should at least _try_ to put some clothes on.

He grabs a black shirt, tan pants and after looking down, a clean pair of boxers.

Looking back at Poe, Finn notices the scars on his back, shirt pulled up during the night.

_I have scars, too._

_Well, one._

-

The shower still stings, but not nearly as badly as last time. Hot water is new to Finn, and it’s great. His back was aching a bit when he woke up, but after his shower, Finn feels nothing.

After drying himself, Finn just barely manages to slip on the black shirt; his scar stings as the fabric runs over it.

He thinks. Finn’s more or less the same height as Poe, but he’s definitely built larger.

Next he pulls up the boxers and pants, both of which fit considerably better than the shirt.

Finn walks to the mirror, looking himself over for the first time since he left the First Order. He looks different. The stubble on his face had ever-so-slowly returned. His face is still smooth, but the skin is a bit tighter after being out for so long. His hair is still short enough to manage, but he’d have to find a way to cut it eventually.

He looks ok.

Finn picks up the old pair of boxers and tosses them across the room into the bin as he opens the bathroom door.

Poe’s still out.

I wonder if the tests are done?

Finn quietly walks over to the nightstand and picks up Poe’s communicator. The nurse had buzzed two times.

He looks over as Poe reaches up and scratches behind his ear.

He falls back asleep.

_Guess I’m on my own._

Finn walks to the door and steps into the hallway.

-

“Finn!” The nurse is standing by the window. “Did you come for the results?”

“Yeah.”

He looks past Finn. “Where’s Poe?”

Finn leans up against the counter. “Still asleep.”

“Ah.”

He walks over with a document in his hand.

“Here you go.”

Finn looks it over, but most of it flies over his head.

“It looks like the suppressants have just about cleared out of your system.” He takes the page back, pointing to a small graph. “Your metabolism was slowed in unconsciousness, hence why your accelerated healing rate didn’t kick in until you’d been up for a few hours.”

Finn nods.

“As for the rest, hormone production is nearly back; your body is producing a normal amount of testosterone for the first time since… well, maybe _ever_ , which explains the facial hair.”

“Right.”

The nurse lowers the paper. “Finn, have you had any unusual… _urges_ since you woke up?”

He shakes his head.

“Ok. Well, now that this stuff is kicking in again, you might feel certain things that you’re not accustomed to. Did Poe happen to explain any of this?”

“Not this, no.”

“It’s hard to explain. If anything happens, I’ll be here, ok? Otherwise, I think Poe might be able to help you out.”

“Why is everyone so shy about… whatever _this_ is?”

His brow furrows. “I’m sorry?”

“No one seems to have a solid answer about it. Should I be worried?”

“Well, it’s different. Usually people learn about all of this when they’re younger, so now that you’re already done developing for the most part, it might be better for you to just experiment instead of reading definitions.”

“That doesn’t help.”

The nurse laughs. “You and Poe are close, right?”

_We love each other._

“Yeah.”

“Ok. If physical intimacy is-”

“What?”

_“Sex, Finn.”_

He doesn’t react.

“That,” he gives the paper back and pats Finn on the shoulder, “is something you should ask Poe about.”

“So I’m good?”

“Yes. Everything looks normal, but in the next day or two, you’re gonna start feeling those urges, so it’s best to talk to Poe before then.”

“So I shouldn’t be worried?”

“No! It’s actually... quite the opposite.”

“Alright. Thanks.”

The nurse lets go of him. “Take care of that back, Finn. It’s not done healing yet.”

Finn nods, and walks toward the hallway.

-

He knocks on the door, locked with Poe’s fingerprint.

After a moment of silence, he hears shuffling and then heavy steps.

Poe stands against the doorframe, wiping his eyes. The hair on his right side is matted down.

“Hey, Finn.” He’s still half-asleep. “What’re you up to?”

Finn walks over to the bed and holds out the document.

Poe looks it over.

“So you’re good?”

“That’s what he said.”

Poe sits down. “Well, that’s good news, right?”

“Yeah.”

Finn doesn’t want to bring up anything else right now.

He sits back and lets the tired pilot snuggle up under his arm, putting it around his shoulder.

Having Poe hold him was one thing; but Poe leaning against his side is another.

“We’ll grab some food in a bit, ok?” Poe yawns, closing his eyes.

“Sounds good.” Finn sits up to stuff a pillow behind him, and rests his head against the wall.

He falls asleep quicker than he thought possible.

\\\

Finn wakes up in his bed.

It’s small and cold and grey.

He looks around. The barracks are empty, save for one cot in the corner. There’s a body on it, shaking.

Finn gets up. He’s wearing nothing but black boxers; standard issue.

“Hello?” It echos loudly, but there’s no response.

Finn steps forward, the floor cold against his bare feet.

He hears sobbing coming from the cot.

_3200?_

“Hello?” He repeats, as if this time will be different.

He finally reaches the bed. A mess of dark curls stick out on the pillow.

_“Poe?”_

Finn makes his way around to the other side.

Poe’s arms are crossed in front of him. _He’s whimpering._

_“What’s going on? Poe?”_

Nothing.

Finn kneels down and grabs the edge of the thin mattress.

It’s dark, but his hands are glistening. They’re red.

“Is that…?” Finn looks closer. _“Oh god.”_

_He’s bleeding._

Finn takes Poe’s hands and pulls them away from his chest.

_“Oh, fuck.”_

There’s a dark wound just above his stomach, bleeding as Poe convulses in pain.

_“No no no, c’mon Poe, don’t do this. I’m right here. Don’t do this.”_

Poe groans. _“Finn?”_ His voice is weak, a strained whisper.

_“Poe? I’m right here. Don’t go. Please, Poe. Don’t do this.”_

He exhales sharply, gritting his teeth. _“This is…”_

Finn’s shaking, hands wet with blood as he tries to stem the bleeding.

_“What? Poe, talk to me. What is it?”_

_“This is… your fault.”_

Hot tears are running down Finn’s face as he struggles for words.

_“What do you mean? Poe? What did I do?”_

_Poe wheezes. “Your fucking fault.”_

Finn’s breath is heavy. He feels nauseous, from the blood or Poe’s words or both.

_“I didn’t… I didn’t do anything. Poe? What do you need me to do?”_

He doesn’t respond.

_“Poe? Don’t do this. Poe.”_

The blood is still hot, but Poe’s gaze falls blank.

Finn still has his hands on the wound, but the entire mattress is soaked.

_“Poe?”_

Nothing.

“POE?”

The pilot is gone.

Finn drops his head down, ignoring the warm liquid pooling around him as he whispers _“no, no no no no no. Poe. Please. Don’t do this. What did I do?”_

He lets out an angry moan, screaming _“NO”_ into the damp fabric as he falls back, away from the body and against the cement wall.

_“Poe.”_

His eyes are blurred with tears as he shakes harder than ever before.

_“Please.”_

He brings his wet hands to his face and tries to stay still as the grief rapidly channels into anger.

He hears someone step into the room beside him.

Finn doesn’t look up, whole body trembling.

_“It’s you.”_

The voice modulator of Kylo Ren is unmistakable, filling the room with a deep, cold tone.

Finn grits his teeth so hard he’s sure they’ll shatter.

_“You did this.”_

Finn shakes his head.

_“If if weren’t for your little act of heroism, none of this would’ve happened.”_

Finn’s breath is loud. He groans _“no”_ to himself.

_“If it weren’t for your mutiny, Han would still be alive.”_

_“No.”_ This time it’s louder.

“You know he’s going to die. Poe feels responsible for you, like a child.” The words come out as a snarl.

_“You’re lying.”_

_“He’ll end up a martyr sooner or later. They always do.”_

Finn pulls his hands down into fists, shaking as his nails dig into flesh.

_“He doesn’t love you. He pities you.”_

_“You’re wrong.”_

Kylo kneels down, inches from Finn’s face.

_“You’re not like them.”_

Finn knows where this is going, and he’s not ready to hear it.

_“You’re a soldier. You were raised to kill. You are nothing more than a slave to the First Order.”_

Finn has enough.

He looks up, staring into Kylo’s mask as he puts words together.

_“Fuck the First Order.”_

_Kylo laughs, “You can’t escape what you are, FN-2187. FA-3200 couldn’t.”_

Finn shakes his head, dropping it back down and shutting his eyes tight.

_“All it will take is one mistake. And the only thing you have will be gone.”_

Finn can hear his glove stretch as Kylo motions to Poe’s body.

_“I’ll feel it. The pain when you find out he’s dead, I’ll feel it.”_

He inhales.

_“And I’ll love it.”_

Finn shoots upward, grabbing Kylo by the neck and slamming him against the wall.

_“You don’t know a fucking thing about me,” Finn yells, “and you will not win. I don’t care what I have to do - I will watch you die.”_

Kylo chokes out a laugh under Finn’s grip.

_“You. Will. Try.”_

\\\

_“Buddy?”_

His eyes flit open.

_“Finn?”_

He’s sweating, and Poe’s looking up, still lying next to him.

“What-?”

“You were mumbling something. You alright?” His eyes widen as he sees the beads of sweat rolling down Finn’s face. “Shit, what’s going on?”

Finn’s heart is racing.

“I had… a nightmare.”

Poe gets up and walks to the bathroom, grabbing a towel and tossing it to Finn.

“You wanna talk about it?”

_Yes. This is bad._

“No.”

Poe nods. “Alright.”

He sits down next to Finn and takes his free hand.

“It’s ok. I have them too.”

“Really?”

His eyes look pained. “Yeah, not so much anymore but… I know what it’s like.”

The thought gives Finn some small comfort as he tries to force his pulse down with slow breaths.

“You can talk to me, buddy. You don’t have to, but don’t feel embarrassed. I’m right here.”

Finn looks down.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

He curls back up under Finn’s arm and thinks.

“Let’s try this.”

Finn puts the towel down. “What?”

“See my chest? It goes up and down when I breathe. Try to time yours with mine.”

Finn feels a little stupid (and a little special) as he looks down at Poe with invitation.

He watches the fabric rise and fall, and matches his breathing to it.

In thirty seconds, he’s calm.

“Better?” Poe looks over at him.

Finn nods. “Where’d you learn this?”

“My mother.”

Finn repeats the word.

“Yeah.”

“Is she dead?”

The words hit Poe. His silence fills Finn with dread.

_Was that too far?_

Finally, “Yes.”

“I’m sorry.”

Poe bites the inside of his cheek.

“It’s fine.”

Poe doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. He doesn’t want to conversation to inevitably lead to Finn’s parents.

“You wanna head out?”

Finn certainly doesn’t want to fall asleep again.

“Yeah.”

Poe sits up. “Ok.”

They walk over to the door before Poe stops Finn.

“Wha-?” He stops as Poe brings him in for a hug.

After a second of shock, he returns the favor and puts his arms around the pilot. His back feels tight as he stretches it, but it doesn’t matter.

 _“I’m so sorry Finn.”_ He’s mumbling into fabric.

“Why?”

_“I should’ve been there. On Starkiller.”_

Finn shakes his head. “No.”

Poe doesn’t move.

“You _destroyed_ Starkiller. I was just trying to help Rey. I don’t regret it.”

Poe nods against Finn’s neck.

_“I know.”_

He pulls back but keeps his grip on Finn’s shirt.

“I love you, Finn.”

Finn looks into Poe’s eyes, still getting the image of them in pain out of his head.

“I love you too.”

He still isn’t entirely sure what it means, but Finn likes the warmth he feels from saying it.

-

Poe stops at the end of the hallway.

“You’ve never been in a forest, have you?”

“Forest?”

“Yeah - trees, dirt. You know, lots of green?”

“I saw the forest on Takodana.”

“Right, but have you ever been _in_ one?”

“I guess not?”

Poe’s eyes go wide. “Then _let’s go.”_

-

They’d walked past the cement landing zone, until finally they hit grass.

Poe’s leading Finn by the hand, which is a good thing because his spine is acting up, and Finn doesn’t know how much longer he can walk without _some_ motivation.

They slow down a few dozen feet out from the forest line, and Poe lets go of Finn as he spreads his arms out toward it.

“What do you think?”

The trees are _tall,_ seemingly reaching up past the atmosphere. It’s quiet, the rustling of leaves strangely calming.

“C’mere.” He motions Finn towards it, taking the lead as they pass by the first of the broad trunks.

It goes almost silent once they’re inside, the leaves forming a roof above them that blocks out light and noise.

It’s almost _too_ peaceful, Finn thinks. He’s so used to constant white noise; from Troopers shuffling in cots around him, from the low hum of the cooling system running throughout the base.

This is… new.

After walking for a bit, they mount a large grey boulder and sit down on the edge.

Poe looks over at Finn, whose eyes are shifting from new thing to new thing.

“Not quite what you’re used to, huh?”

“This is… _really nice,_ actually.”

Poe puts a hand on Finn’s back, tracing the line he knows by heart under the dark fabric.

“I want to show you _so much_ , Finn. You’ve been cut off from so much. I want you to see everything out there, I want to see _that look_ way more often,” he says, pointing to Finn’s wide eyes.

Finn’s hand slowly wanders, searching for something to grab. It finds Poe’s hand and closes around it.

Poe wants to lean over and kiss Finn.

But he doesn’t.

_This can’t be about me._

Poe takes a breath in and admires the cool air on the back of his throat.

“Can we go further?”

Poe doesn’t realize his eyes are closed until he opens them again.

“Yeah. Of course.”

They hop down from the rock and continue on through the lightly-treaded path.

Finn stops at the base of a tree and stretches backwards. His back is starting to act up again.

“You alright?”

He twists at an odd angle, trying to find the right spot to release the pressure.

“I just…” He finally gives up, rubbing his shoulder. “I’m gonna have to get used to this pain.”

Poe looks him over. “Let me try.”

Finn turns around as Poe does his best attempt at a massage, pushing into Finn’s shoulder with his palms as Finn braces himself against the bark.

“Am I getting anywhere?”

Finn nods. “A little… _that’s it.”_

Poe laughs as Finn’s mouth contorts in relief. He continues for a bit before finally letting go.

“Better?”

“A lot. Yeah.”

Poe rolls his eyes. “Well, let me know next time. I don’t like seeing you like this.”

“I’m not used to asking for things.” He rubs his neck in embarrassment.

Poe leans up against the tree next to Finn. “Get used to it.”

Finn laughs.

“I’m serious! We’ve gotta take care of each other. You don’t need to think like that anymore.”

_We._

“I will.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah,” he chuckles.

“Good. You wanna keep going, or…?”

Finn looks up. The first hint of pink is in the sky, poking through the leaves.

_How long have we been walking?_

“We should probably head back.”

Poe nods.

“Lead the way.”

-

Crossing the landing zone, Finn spots Jessika talking with someone by the base entrance.

As they get closer, she catches them in the corner of her eye and quickly dismisses herself from their conversation

“Hey!”

Poe gives Finn a look.

“Yeah, I’m talking to you two. The ones who - _I’ll bet money -_ just sucked face in the forest.”

Poe groans. “Can you say anything even remotely appropriate?”

She jogs toward them and wraps an arm around Poe.

“So, I was wondering… what if flyboy here takes the night off from babysitting, and little ex-Trooper and I finally get some quality time together?”

Poe shakes his head. “I think that’s the last thing-”

“Uh-uh, I want the kid to decide for himself.”

Finn looks over at them.

“Whaddya think, Finn?” Poe gives him a worried look.

“I, um…”

_I don’t want her to get mad._

“I guess?”

Jessika backs away and raises her arms in triumph. _“BOOM._ Look at that.”

“If that’s what you want,” Poe laughs.

“It could be fun.” It comes out as a question, and Finn regrets it.

“You’re damn right! Finally gonna get some time away from the Resistance heartthrob here.”

“You wanna stop by our room first?”

 _Our room._ Finn almost trips. He says it so casually. Is it really _theirs?_

“Uh, yeah.”

Jessika groans. “ _Fine._ When you two are done getting each other off, I’ll-”

_“Jess.”_

She starts cracking up. “Oh man, you’re gonna keep him in the dark forever, aren’t you?”

Finn doesn’t comment.

-

They stop outside Poe’s room.

“He’ll be by in a minute, ok?”

She gives a twisted grin. “I’ll be waiting.”

She walks back down the hall, and Poe quickly scans his thumb and leads Finn inside.

“Ok, so just in case she makes you uncomfortable-”

Finn laughs. “I’ll be fine.”

Poe’s dead serious. _“No,_ I mean, she’s probably gonna start talking about shit you don’t really understand, so just don’t be afraid to break her off, ok? I know she can get a bit wild sometimes.”

Finn nods.

Poe’s pacing the room. “You hungry?”

Finn’s stomach has been turning over ever since he fumbled his way into this.

“No.”

Poe stops, turns towards Finn and sits down beside him.

“Just promise me you’ll shut her up if she’s making you uncomfortable, ok?”

Finn looks over at the pilot with a face of confusion. “Yeah, I will.”

“Ok.”

He stands up and takes Finn’s hand. “Need anything before you go?”

“Nope.”

-

They take a left at the fork in the hallway. Finn’s never been this way.

Poe leads him three doors down, and stops at the fourth.

“Ok. I’ll be in our room when you get back.”

Finn nods.

Poe hugs him. “Try to have fun.”

Finn laughs as he pulls away. “She’s not _that_ bad.”

Poe’s eyebrows raise. “We’ll see.”

Poe starts to walk away. “Talk later.”

“Alright.”

Once he turns the corner, Finn knocks on the cool metal.

He hears footsteps, and then the door slides away.

“Hey!”

She moves over to let Finn in. “Sit down wherever.”

He takes the bed.

“You want something to drink? I’ve got beer, stronger stuff too but I assume you-”

“Beer?”

She freezes. “Uh, _yeah.”_

“What is it?”

Her jaw drops as she chokes out a laugh. _“Finn._ Wow.”

“Should I know what beer is?”

“You know what? No. I’ll just let you figure this one out for yourself.”

She walks over to her desk, and grabs a brown bottle. There are quite a few gathered around a lamp in the corner.

“First thing is,” she stops to snap off the metal cap, “We’re gonna get you drunk.”

Finn knows the word. “Inebriated?”

“Yeah, but, let’s stick to drunk.” She hands him the bottle.

“Is it safe?”

She laughs. “Finn, I don’t know what you learned before, but you’re a grown-ass man. You can do whatever the fuck you want.”

_That didn’t answer my question._

“So, let’s toast to that.”

She holds out her bottle, and Finn looks at it.

She sits up straight. “ _God,_ it’s like training an animal. We tap them together. It’s like... a little celebration.”

She extends her arm again and Finn follows suit, a quiet _clink_ as the glass makes contact.

“There we go. Cheers.”

She tilts her head back and takes a long drink. Finn looks down at the dark liquid, forces his better judgement to _shut up_ and takes a swig.

And proceeds to choke on it.

She’s cracking up. “Oh man.”

Finn manages to swallow, but has no immediate desire to try again.

“Who thinks this tastes good?”

She shakes her head. _“No one._ This stuff on base is swill. But it’ll get you drunk just the same.”

Finn rolls his eyes. “This drunk thing better be worth it.”

She watches him force another gulp down his throat.

“I have feeling you won’t mind after a couple more of those.”

_“A couple more?”_

“Yup.”

Finn clears his throat, and decides to change the subject.

“So what’s the plan here?”

She looks up at the ceiling. “I dunno. But I figured the two of you could use some time away from breathing down each other’s’ necks.”

“Ok.”

“Besides,” she takes another swig, “you never answered my question the other day.”

Finn thinks, but his mind is drawing blanks.

“About Poe? I asked if you like him.”

_Oh._

“I do.”

“Really?” Her eyes are wide.

“Yeah.”

“You love him?”

They’d said it to each other, but Finn still wasn’t clear on the meaning.

“I think so.”

“You guys do anything yet?”

“Do what?”

“You kiss?”

Finn knows what kissing is, but how does it connect?

_Is that what people do when they love each other? Is that what everyone’s too nervous to teach me?_

“No.”

“So you’ve done… nothing?”

_I guess she’s asking about physical contact?_

Finn takes another drink. “We hugged.”

She laughs. _“Whoa_ there, kid. Might want to slow down, don’t need another week in the medbay for _overexerted arms.”_

Finn’s cheeks heat up.

She tils forward and slaps his knee. “I’m just fucking with you.”

Finn looks down. The bottle’s half empty.

“What _should_ we have done by now?”

_If no one else will tell me, maybe Jessika’s the best option._

“Well, I thought you would’ve made out by now. I didn’t expect you to start _fucking_ by now, but I dunno… Whatever two guys do to each other.”

Finn counts at least two phrases that are completely foreign.

 _Fucking_ \- he knows the word, uses it even, but he’s never heard it as the name of an activity.

Apparently he was silent for too long, because she cuts off his mental conversation.

“What - you don’t? _Really?”_

He stays silent.

“Didn’t they teach you _anything_ before?”

“No.”

 _“Fuck_ , sorry. I didn’t know you were _that_ behind.”

“Will you tell me?” Finn doesn’t mean to say it, but the words come out regardless.

_“Me?”_

“Why not?”

She takes the last gulp of her beer. “I’m gonna need another one of these if that’s the kind of conversation we’re getting into.” She chuckles as another cap drops to the ground.

Finn takes another sip; there’s maybe one or two left before he’s out.

“Well,” she burps, “for starters, that _thing_ in your pants?” she laughs, “That’s not just for pissing.”

Finn furrows his brow.

She sits back and groans something along the lines of _I can’t believe I’m doing this._

***

Finn’s on his third beer.

Jessika’s on her fifth.

Finn had given up on asking questions an hour ago; now he’s just trying to catch up with the words tripping over themselves in his head.

He got the jist, but the finer points seem to fade as soon as he hears them.

When she finally finishes, Finn has a passing knowledge of all the things she mentioned before.

More or less.

“Got it?” Her words are slower than usual, flowing together.

_Or is that just me?_

Finn feels weightless. Half of him is wrapping itself around the concepts he’s just been introduced to, and the other half is busy trying to focus on _anything._

He completely ignores her question and asks, “Is this drunk?”

She nearly falls out of her seat, laughing harder than the question was worth.

“Oooooh boy,” she chuckles, “you bet.”

Finn feels warm all over. He doesn’t feel nervous anymore; he feels _great._

Jessika closes her eyes for a bit, making sure she didn’t forget anything.

“Questions?”

Finn’s eyes are heavy.

“Nope.”

“Good. Because I’m done talking about sex.”

Finn exerts himself more than usual to look up at the window above him. It’s pitch-black out.

“How long have we-”

“I dunno.” She pauses. “I don’t usually drink this much the night before a mission.”

“Me either.”

She cracks up once again. “You’re funny, Finn.”

Finn looks over to the desk, but there are no more bottles.

“I think you’re out.”

Jessika wags a finger. “You’ve had enough, kid.”

Finn falls back onto the bed.

_I should do this more often._

-

Finn wakes up.

Voices are muffled in front of him.

_“mmmmmFinnmmmmmmmmmmmmdrunkmmmmmmmmmyou”_

Finn barely manages to pull himself back up, his body heavy.

He makes out two people. Jessika’s still sitting, and someone else is leaning up against the wall next to her.

 _“Finnnn?”_ The voice is deep.

“Wh-” Finn stops to take a deep breath. He’s slowly coming to, but the beer is still a bitter reminder at the back of his throat.

The second figure comes closer, kneeling down at the foot of the bed.

_“Finn?”_

_Is that Poe?_

“Puuuh...”

Poe puts a hand on Finn’s knee. “You there?”

“Poe…”

Finn’s vision is gradually clearing, and he can make out the pilot’s handsome features.

_No, not handsome… hot._

_Jess taught me that._

_‘Hot’ is ‘handsome’ for guys you want to kiss._

_Or fuck._

Poe waves a hand in front of Finn’s face. “Anyone home?”

“Meee.”

Poe shakes his head with a grin. “Let’s get you back to our room.”

Finn doesn’t complain about Poe’s strong hands willing him up, but the weakness of his limbs keeps him planted on the mattress.

“Shit, you’re _really_ drunk, buddy.”

Finn smiles.

Poe slides his arm under Finn’s and heaves upward, bringing them both to a standing position.

“Can you walk?”

Finn tries hard to focus his vision, but it only makes things worse.

_Mhm._

Poe walks forward, and Finn takes a wobbly step, just barely dropping his foot back on the ground before he loses balance.

“I need you to work with me here.”

_“I’m tryin.”_

They take another disjointed step towards the door, and Poe hits the unlock with an outstretched arm.

“Let’s go.”

-

Ten arduous minutes later, Poe finally slumps Finn against the wall, reaching for the scanner with his thumb.

“Ok. Just a little further.”

He leads Finn over to the bed and sets him down at the end. “Stay here.”

Poe grabs a cloth from the bathroom and runs it under cool water.

He walks back to the bed.

“I hope you had fun,” he places the cloth on Finn’s forehead, “because tomorrow you’re gonna wake up with a record-breaking hangover.”

“Hhhhangover.”

_Poe’s grinning. Finn’s cute when he’s drunk._

“Yeah. A massive headache.”

Finn doesn’t respond, but when Poe takes the cloth off of his face, he lunges over, wrapping himself around Poe’s waist.

“Finn, wha-?” His arms shoot up in surprise.

 _“I love you.”_ His grip is strong, head burrowed in Poe’s stomach.

Poe lowers his arms, putting them around Finn.

“You too, buddy,” he laughs.

Poe quickly realizes Finn isn’t letting go anytime soon, so he changes course.

“What’d you guys talk about?”

_As if I don’t know._

A muffled _“ssssssssssex”_ vibrates against Poe’s shirt.

“Oh, really?” He’s barely keeping himself together.

_Mhm._

“And?”

Finn starts humming.

“Finn?”

_“B-” hic, “bl…” the words drag out as an exhale._

Poe gets it.

“What else?”

“I dunno.”

Poe nods. We can talk in the morning.

“You wanna get to sleep?”

Finn squeezes tighter.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I…”

Poe tries to sit up, but Finn’s arms are locked tight around him.

“I’m…”

He looks down at the dark curls against his shirt. “What’s up?”

_“I’mhorny.”_

Poe almost chokes on the laugh as it tumbles out of him.

_At least he learned it, one way or another._

Poe just rubs Finn’s back, the grip around him too strong to break away from.

“We’ll talk about that tomorrow.”

“I’m drunk.” It sounds more like reaffirming than realization.

Poe’s grin is almost painfully wide. “Yeah, you definitely are.”

Finn takes a deep breath. “I’m gunnasleepok?” He’s already halfway out.

Finally, he lets go, and doesn’t bother stripping down as he crawls to the other side of the bed and falls flat on his face.

Poe waits until Finn’s snoring - about ten seconds - before dropping down next to him.

He feels sorry for Finn.

_You’re gonna have a hell of a time waking up, buddy._

 

**// Day Four**

 

Finn wakes up first.

It takes all of two seconds for him to wish he didn’t.

 _“Ohhhh no,”_ he groans, shutting his eyes tight.

_Fuck. This is bad._

He hears Poe shift behind him, but he doesn’t wake up.

“Poe?” He’s almost whimpering.

The man behind him doesn’t move.

Finn moves his arm behind him and shakes Poe awake

_Wait._

_What did I just grab?_

Poe shakes the mattress as he jolts upright. _“Finn!”_ He’s panting.

Finn doesn’t move, grinning.

“What… Was that?”

_Did I just…?_

Finn would laugh if every cell in his body didn’t ache.

He forces out a _“sorry.”_

Poe puts a hand on Finn’s shoulder, recovering.

“What’s going on?”

“I can’t open my eyes. I just tried to wake you up, sorry.”

Poe lets out a chuckle. “S’ok, buddy. Just wasn’t expecting that.”

Then he processes what Finn just said.

“Oh, shit. You’re hungover.”

Finn nods into the pillow.

“Uh, lemme go grab something. Can I leave you here for, like, two minutes?”

_Mhm._

“Ok. Just, take deep breaths. Don’t move your head too much.”

Finn waves him away as if telling him to _hurry up,_ and Poe takes note.

“Be right back.”

Finn heads the door open and close, and grits his teeth.

It’s like someone’s driving a nail into his forehead, a throbbing pain right above his eyes.

-

Just when Finn feels like he can’t take it any longer, he hears the door slide open.

“Buddy!”

Poe hurries over, breath heavy from running both ways.

He hands Finn two brown capsules. “It won’t fix everything, but these’ll help with the headache.”

Poe turns around to get some water when he hears Finn swallow both capsules dry.

He grits his teeth. “I’m used to it.”

_Right._

Poe grabs the cloth from last night and takes it into the bathroom, running it under water again.

He lays back down behind Finn and puts the cloth on his forehead.

“There isn’t much else you can do except wait for the meds to kick in.”

Finn nods. “Great.”

Poe awkwardly tries to be the big spoon despite being the smaller of the two, putting an arm around Finn and pressing against him. He knows that contact can distract from pretty much anything.

Finn’s surprised by the sudden feeling.

_He loves it._

Poe uses his free hand to gently massage the top of Finn’s head, running his fingers through the curls in a hope to assuage some of the pain.

“Better?”

_Mhm._

He tries to focus on the feeling of Poe against him. The heat and pressure against him, and the breath on the back of his neck.

It works.

\\\

3200 never knew this feeling.

3200 never knew love.

3200 never knew hope.

It was taken from him before he ever had a chance to discover it..

Sometimes, even now, Finn can hear the screams as he sleeps.

Shrieks, shrill against the humming of the reconditioning machine.

Since then, Finn has never felt such a raw combination of fear and anger.

\\\

He wakes up to Poe’s snoring.

His head is still painful, but he can slowly open his eyes without feeling like it’s splitting open. Poe’s arm is tight around his chest, and his spine aches a bit from laying on his side for so long.

He doesn’t want to move. The sensation of Poe against him is still new; still exciting.

_Then he whispers “ffffinn.”_

_Is he… dreaming about me?_

Finn’s eyes are wide, a rush of adrenaline suddenly shooting through him.

_“ffffinn.”_

_Ok, he’s definitely dreaming about me._

_“Um…”_ Finn mumbles, frozen.

_Do I leave? Wait for him to wake up?_

As if answering him, Poe softly moans his name again, inches from his ear.

Finn remembers what Jessika told him, but none of it makes sense now that it’s actually playing out in front of (or behind) him.

He decides to wait it out; he doesn’t need Poe waking up in a frenzy again.

-

That lasts about thirty seconds.

Poe mumbles his name for the fourth time, and Finn has enough. This is gonna drive him insane.

He pulls at Poe’s arm, eventually breaking it (and himself) free. He regrets the absence of Poe’s body against him as soon as he stands up.

Poe mumbles something else, bring his arms back toward himself without a anything to wrap them around.

Finn, head still buzzing, makes his way to the sink. He looks into the mirror, running water through his hands and washing his face with it.

_Maybe I should just forget about it._

And then,

_Maybe I should ask Jessika about it._

Finn decides that maybe Poe just didn’t get to know her well enough; he makes her out to be way worse than she is.

_Maybe he just needs to get drunk with her._

Finn turns off the tap, dries his face on the towel hanging from the wall and grabs some clean clothes from Poe’s dresser.

-

Finn knocks.

 _“Who is it?”_ She sounds better than Finn feels.

“Finn.”

She doesn’t bother responding; the door slides open.

“Guess I haven’t scared you away yet, huh?”

Finn smiles.

“How’s the hangover been treating ya?”

He shrugs his shoulders.

“Oh c’mon, you’ve gotta _talk_ to me. Sure as hell were last night.” She laughs.

“I was?”

She gives him a look of awe. “Uh, _yeah,_ I pretty much know you better than yourself now, kid.”

“Did I say anything… bad?”

She pats his shoulder. “Worried?”

“No, I just… have a question.”

She sits down.

“Alright, let’s hear it.”

“I fell asleep, with him around me,” he moves his arms to give a visual, “and when I woke up, Poe was… uh, moaning my name.” Finn scratches the back of his neck.

“Look, kid. I can’t be your therapist here,” she laughs, “but just… do what feels right, ok? You don’t need an instruction manual. This is more personal than that.”

Finn was hoping for more to go on, but it makes sense nonetheless.

“I just don’t want to fuck something up.”

She shakes her head. “Don’t worry about that. Poe knows that; he isn’t an idiot.” She chuckles, “well, _most_ of the time. But he wants things to go smoothly just as much as you.”

“Right.”

Jessika gets up and grabs a glass cup full of something purple, and hands it to Finn.

“Drink.”

_This better not be more beer._

“What is it?”

“It’s a hangover cure; it tastes like shit, but at least you won’t feel like shit.”

Finn takes a sip. It’s salty.

“You can finish it; I can’t drink anymore.”

Finn downs it, desperate to get rid of the persistent, dull pain in his head.

“So is he still asleep?”

Finn hands the glass back. “Yeah.”

“So you have two options. Option one, you go back, get in bed, and see what happens.”

Finn considers it.

“Option two, you go back, wait for him to wake up, and talk to him about it.”

Then she laughs, adding, “I guess you could stick with me until he comes looking for you, but I assume that’s not the plan.”

Finn shrugs his shoulders.

“You don’t need to feel pressured into any of this, kid.”

She suddenly sounds serious.

“Flyboy can wait. You’re new to all of this, so don’t feel like you owe anything to Poe just because he looks at you with those big eyes of his.”

Finn smiles.

“Besides,” she puts her feet up on the desk, “you’ve got the galaxy’s best love expert right here. Just… maybe don’t come running every time Poe thinks about you in his sleep, ok?”

He leans back, laughing.

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Finn thinks for a bit before continuing, “I think I’m gonna head back.”

She gives him a nod. “Alright. Good luck, kid.”

***

Finn knocks on the door, completely forgetting that he’d have to wake up Poe anyway if he left.

_There goes that idea._

Poe opens the door, eyes heavy with sleep.

“Hey, tell you what, Finn.”

He steps outside, placing his thumb on the scanner and hitting a few buttons. A red light appears over the scanning pad.

“Go ahead.”

Finn presses his thumb against it, and after a few seconds the light flashes green.

“Probably should’ve done that,” he stops to yawn, “a while ago. But anyway, there you go.”

It’s a stupid thing to feel excited about, but that doesn’t stop Finn.

“I guess this is really _our_ room, then?”

They walk back to the bed, Poe dropping back onto it and Finn sitting on the end.

“Of course.” His voice is muffled by the pillow. “Unless you wanna sleep somewhere else.”

Finn doesn’t need to see the sly grin across Poe’s face to know it’s there.

“It’s cozy,” he leans back slowly, “my roommate can be a bit much at times, but I’ll take what I can get.”

Poe turns back over, laughing.

“So where did you go, anyway?”

Finn frowns.

“I just… talked with Jessika.”

“’Bout what?”

“Well, you, uh... “

Poe sits up. “What?”

“I think you were… _dreaming_ about me?”

Poe’s face grows red as his expression shifts from concern to realization.

“Did I _do_ anything?”

Finn shakes his head. “No.”

“Sorry about that, buddy. I dunno what got into- _what’s so funny?”_

Finn’s grinning, unable to hold it back.

“I didn’t say it was _bad.”_

Poe’s eyebrow twitches in confusion.

“What did she say?”

Finn takes a deep breath in. “Well,” he looks up, “she suggested I get back in bed with you, but that was _before_ I remembered you’d have to get up and open the door.”

Finn can see Poe’s tongue running across his teeth as he figures his next move out.

“So? Did I ruin your plans?”

Finn shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know what I was gonna do anyway, so I guess you really just saved me the trouble.”

“Look.” He scooches over and joins Finn at the end of the bed with an arm around him, “This is all up to you, ok? We can do everything, or we can do nothing. You don’t even need to do any of this with me; just know that I’m here, ok? I just want you to be happy.”

_Holy shit._

Finn nods.

“I want to. I might not know exactly what love is or whatever, but I _meant_ it when I said it. I want to do this with you.” He chuckles, “I’m still not quite there on the specifics, but _I love you.”_

Poe’s biting the inside of his cheek.

“Ok. Ok.”

He gives Finn’s shoulder a squeeze before getting up and walking over to the dresser.

“I’ll get washed up, and then I wanna show you something.”

Finn’s surprised at how abruptly the conversation ended, but is also relieved that it’s finally out there.

He watches Poe walk to the bathroom.

\\\

Is this it?

Finn doesn’t know what happens next; but Poe seems to get that he _wants this,_ and that’s good.

No, that’s _great_.

They have four free days left including today, and Finn doesn’t want to spend the rest of them dancing around sex anymore.

He feels that strange hunger boil up inside of him again. Now, he knows what it means.

_I want to touch Poe._

It’s not specific, but it’ll do.

\\\

Finn watches steam slip through the crack under the door, knowing that the only thing separating them was a wall.

_He’s naked right now._

_And that’s hot._

Finn drops onto his back and stares up through the window, trying to think of anything else as he realizes _he’s getting hard_ just thinking about Poe. After a few minutes, he’s settled down.

Poe shuts the water off and calls out, “do you need to shave?”

Finn scratches his face, realizing he’d completely forgotten about it.

“Uh, yeah.”

After a moment, Poe opens the door. “C’mon.”

Finn stands up, taking in the sight of Poe with nothing but a towel around his waist as he crosses the room.

_Yeah, he’s hot._

“You want to try it this time?”

Finn doesn’t. He wants Poe to hold his chin again, mumbling words of encouragement as he drags a blade across Finn’s face.

“I think I need one more lesson.”

 _“Sure_ you do,” Poe chuckles.

Finn’s face holds a wry smile, eager to feel Poe’s hand against him again.

-

“Ok, just one more.”

They’re back up on the counter, and Poe’s eyes are concentrating on Finn’s face.

The soft scraping sound is replaced by the tap as Poe washes off the razor.

“Good?”

Finn reaches up and feels his skin.  

“Yeah.”

Poe gives him a once-over before rubbing his own chin. “I think I’m due?”

“No.”

_“No?”_

Finn shrugs his shoulders. “I like it.”

Poe’s mouth is left open as he considers the idea.

“Well,” he jumps off the counter and leans in dramatically, “I guess it’s settled.”

-

“Where are we going?”

Poe doesn’t look back. “I told you, it’s a surprise.”

Finn rolls his eyes, _“right.”_

Poe’s hand leads him out of the base. A cool mist hangs over the landing zone, ships lined up on the wet cement across from them.

Poe lets go of Finn’s hand and jogs toward his T-70, jumping up and grabbing the helmet and tossing it back at a surprised Finn.

“We’re not-?”

“You bet we are.” His eyes are wide; full-teeth grin across his face.

“But… X-Wings only fit one person?”

He shakes his head. “Only if you mind getting in close.”

Finn grins.

“Unless you don’t want to? I can go up alone, let you watch me-”

“No way.”

In the back of his mind, Finn’s worrying about how badly this is gonna fuck up his back, but it’s hard to concentrate on something like that when there’s so much excitement in Poe’s eyes.

“That’s the spirit.”

He turns around and calls out to BB-8, whose lights blink to life.

“We’re gonna go up, buddy.” He kneels down and exchanges a few words Finn has no grasp as to the contents of.

BB-8 cuts him off with a shrill beep and rolls past the pilot, charging towards Finn.

“Hey!”

The droid stops in front of him and Finn kneels down, holding his back as he does so.

It whirrs and beeps, but Finn just shakes his head.

“You _know_ I can’t understand you.”

Poe walks up behind the droid and laughs, “it’s glad to see you.”

Finn looks back down. “I missed you too.”

The droid lets out a low tone and bobs its head in Finn’s direction before rolling back into position under the X-Wing.

“You ready?”

Finn nods.

“Alright, you first.”

Finn grabs the third rung of the ladder and pulls himself up, groaning as the tightness in his scar reminds him that _this probably isn’t a great idea._

He drops into the cockpit, shifting to the right side as far as he can.

His ass is halfway off the seat.

He watches Poe’s hand grasp the edge of the ship as he climbs up, eyeing Finn in the seat.

“You look comfortable.”

Finn smiles.

“We can make this work,” he vaults the edge of the cockpit and sits down next to Finn, “somehow.”

They both shuffle around until they’re practically sitting on top of each other, Finn’s leg propped up on top of Poe’s so they can at least fit _most_ of the way onto the seat.

“This is cozy.” Poe hits the button to lift BB-8 into the rear of the ship as Finn reaches for the hatch, lowering the shield down over them.

“I don’t mind it.”

Poe laughs as he hits the ignition. “Me neither.”

Poe looks over at Finn, who’d put on the helmet.

_God, he’s cute._

“I like it.”

Finn knocks on the plastic, “It’s a little cramped.”

“Well, it’s made for me, so…”

“You have a,” Finn shifts it around, “tiny head.”

Poe laughs.

“You ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Might want to hold onto something.”

Finn wraps an arm around him.

“Ok, not what I had in mind.”

Finn laughs, “are we gonna fly or not?”

“I don’t want to hear any complaints when you go through the shield.”

Finn doesn’t say anything.

“I’m kidding, but,” the T-70 shakes a bit as it leaves the ground, “for real. Hang onto something.”

Finn grabs a leather strap on the side of the cabin and shoves his foot into the corner as a brace.

“Here we go, buddy.” His voice is no longer joking; it’s professional and serious, as if piloting switched on another Poe that Finn hadn’t seen before.

The ship climbs slowly before the pilot looks over at Finn, gives him a wry smile and _really_ puts the engines to work.

Finn’s whole body is shoved up against the seat, trees flying past his vision. _“Whoa.”_

Poe’s hand is wrapped around the stick, minute adjustments compensating for drag and turbulence in a way Finn never even realized was _possible._

“You ok?”

Finn’s out of breath, but he’s fine.

“Great.”

The pilot pushes the engines harder, and the X-Wing had to be flying at speed now that Finn can barely make out anything as it passes them.

A shimmering body of water sits below them, though, and Poe dips the ship down until spray is kicking up onto the shield.

_“Shit, Poe!”_

The pilot laughs, “what, you don’t trust me?”

Finn was right.

_This is a different Poe._

He forces a laugh back, genuinely excited about what’s going on but also finding the awe in Poe’s expression _really hot right now._

“I trust you.”

Poe nods.

“Ready for something cool?”

_Not really._

“Sure.”

Poe pulls up on the stick, the whole ship lurching up and around as he loops it in the air.

Finn can’t help but let his mouth fall open as the planet spins around him.

His back gives a first sign of annoyance at the wild shifts in pressure act on it, but Finn doesn’t care.

“What about…” once they’re level again, Poe rolls the ship lengthwise, leaving it upside down _just_ long enough for Finn to see the water mere feet below them.

He twists it back around, a laugh escaping his lips as Finn fumbles to situate himself.

“Still with me?”

Finn nods, winded.

“One more.”

He pulls the stick sharply back, forcing the nose to point straight up at the sky.

“You’re gonna love this.”

Once they reach a high enough altitude, Poe levels the ship and gives Finn a chance to recover before continuing, “might wanna hold on.”

Finn’s knuckle is sore against the leather strap, and his grip on Poe is just tight enough that he doesn’t feel bad about it.

“Ok.”

The pilot doesn’t respond, just laughing as he tilts the nose down and they start shooting towards the water.

Finn wasn’t expecting _this,_ and his rampant heartbeat isn’t doing much good, either.

_“Poe!”_

The pilot’s too busy focusing on the instruments on the panel to listen.

“Almost…”

They get close to the water, _too close,_ before he pulls up and Finn feels as though his body is going to rip through the floor of the ship.

It isn’t until he exhales sharply that Finn realizes he was holding his breath.

“Pretty fucking cool, right?”

Finn nods. _Uhuh._

Poe takes one hand off the stick and puts it around Finn.

“Thought you’d like that.”

Finn doesn’t know if he _liked_ it, but it certainly got his adrenaline going.

“You know; I could teach you.”

Finn looks over. “I don’t know if I’m into that.”

Poe shakes his head. “Not _that,_ I just mean in general… I could teach you how to fly.”

Finn doesn’t mind being squished against Poe in a cockpit that feels cramped with even one person, but even though piloting was never really something he thought of doing, it certainly can’t _hurt._

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

Poe smiles, hand absentmindedly brushing Finn’s shoulder.

“I think you’d make a good pilot, Finn. You’ve got the reflexes, the focus.”

_Really?_

“Well. Thanks.”

“I’m not making this up!”

He guides the ship downward, positioning it for landing.

“I know.”

“Don’t take compliments well, huh?”

“Haven’t had many.”

Poe nods. “Well, I think you’re a great guy. Maybe a _clueless_ guy, but a great guy.”

Finn’s face is on fire.

“Uh…”

Poe doesn’t let the silence hang for long, continuing, “and I love you.”

_There it is._

Finn ignores his arousal and instead just bites his lip.

_This is a really inconvenient way to express love._

Poe lowers the ship back onto the cement.

Finn looks over. Poe’s eyes are fixed on him, no longer concerned with piloting.

“You too,” Finn croaks.

Poe’s hand leaves Finn’s side and brushes his cheek, the pilot’s eyes trained on something that definitely _aren’t_ Finn’s eyes.

“You know how to kiss, right?”

Finn doesn’t move.

_Is that what people do?_

“I’ll take that as a no?”

Poe’s sudden forwardness is a surprise, but Finn writes it off as the adrenaline still running through him.

“I haven’t... really tried before.”

“Want to get some practice in?”

 _“Yes.”_ It comes out sounding more desperate than Finn wanted.

Instead of leaning in, though, Poe lowers his hand and takes Finn’s, bringing them back up between their faces.

“We can start simple.” He pecks the back of Finn’s hand, never breaking his gaze.

“You try.”

This all feels a little odd - they _are_ still in a metal box - but Finn doesn’t dwell on it long.

He tilts his head forward and mimics the shape of Poe’s lips as he kisses the back of the pilot’s hand.

“See? Easy.”

Poe lowers their hands and looks Finn in the eye one more time, “you want to try?”

Finn does, _god_ he does.

But he doesn’t say it.

“Finn?”

His arousal is jutting out, trapped under dark fabric as Finn tries desperately to think of _anything else._

Poe doesn’t notice, or at least isn’t saying anything, so Finn just closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“Finn? If this isn’t working, you can tell me.”

He shakes his head.

_“Well, say something.”_

Finn wants to, but _something’s_ going on and he feels like he’s about to piss himself.

“Hey, look at me.” Poe tilts Finn’s head up and stares at him, “just tell me what’s going on.”

“I-” he swallows hard, “I don’t know.”

Poe’s eyes are full of concern. Or… Curiosity?

“Well, _where_ does it hurt? Is it your scar?”

He shakes his head. “No, I… _shit.”_

Poe pulls the helmet off of him and tosses it behind the seat.

“Finn. Buddy. Talk to me. Don’t be embarrassed.”

Finn, against his better judgement, sits back and points downward.

Poe’s expression shifts from concern to shock, to slight amusement.

_“Finn! I didn’t know… fuck.”_

Finn doesn’t move.

“Well, don’t let me stop you.”

Jessika had explained a lot; but Finn doesn’t recall any mention of this feeling.

“From what?”

Poe’s eyes dart around. “From… Getting off? I mean, _shit_ buddy, you’re just torturing yourself.”

Poe can feel himself getting turned on just saying the words, but he forces himself to ignore the thoughts screaming at him to just _get to work._

_Finn needs to figure this out._

“I don’t know what’s going on.”

Poe nods. “Ok, just… uh, didn’t Jess mention-”

“No.”

“You don’t _have_ to do anything, but…” he swallows, the metal walls around him suddenly feeling more and more cramped.

Finn keeps trying to just _stop,_ but it’s useless. An impulse rushes through him; he _really_ wants to kiss Poe right now.

 _Holy shit_ does he want to.

“Can we go back to…?”

Poe looks at him with an emotion Finn can’t quite pinpoint. “Is that what you want?”

Finn nods.

Poe takes Finn’s shoulder and as he moves closer, tells him “don’t be afraid to… just let go, ok?”

“What?” They’re almost touching, Finn’s breath hot against Poe’s mouth.

He grins, “you’re close, buddy. You can still finish if you want.” It comes out almost indistinguishable from a breath.

Finn doesn’t know what that means, but _god_ does it sound hot when Poe whispers it right to his face.

Poe takes the initiative of leaning further in, tilting his head so all Finn has to do it wait.

Finn doesn’t move as he closes his eyes and hears the shifting of fabric as Poe moves closer.

Poe stops when he feels the edge of his lips touch skin, waiting for a response.

After a few seconds, Finn takes the hint and moves forward in response.

_Holy shit._

Finn feels like he’s about to explode, both from what’s going on in his boxers and from the realization that _I’m kissing Poe._

Finn’s whole body is throbbing as he finally, _finally_ realizes what it’s like to love someone. Their lips roll over each other, the only sound in the cockpit being the uneven breathing caught between them.

Finn can feel himself climbing back to where he was before, fabric growing tight over him as he becomes consumed with the feeling of Poe on his mouth, stubble grazing over his smooth skin.

The pilot shifts his grip to the back of Finn’s head, fingers spread out between curls as he pulls them tighter.

Poe pulls away just far enough to catch a breath as he asks, “you ok?”

Finn’s eyes are shut tight. _Uhuh._

Poe’s lips hit Finn differently this time. _He’s smiling._

Finn doesn’t even feel like he’s _here_ right now. Every ounce of his attention is directed towards exploring every inch of the pilot’s lips with his own.

Something inside Poe snaps. He needs this just as much as Finn does.

He breaks off again, this time bringing his right hand over Finn’s face and brushing his cheek.

His forehead is still leaning against Finn’s, too close to focus on his eyes but far enough away to focus on his lips, and look down.

“You still close?”

Finn nods, eyes still shut.

“Want some help?”

_Mhm._

Truth be told, Finn says it before he even thinks about it, but when Poe tilts his head back a second later and kisses him again, the idea flies out of his mind.

Poe’s hand falls from Finn’s cheek and searches for his arm, pulling it towards his center.

He pulls away for a second, “don’t be afraid to stop me.”

Finn doesn’t bother responding.

Poe takes the back of Finn’s hand and places it over his length, not touching it himself but knowing by the tremor in Finn’s arm - his _whole body_ \- that he hit the spot.

Finn breaks off, inhaling sharply.

_“Shit.”_

Poe lifts his hand.

 _“nonono,“_ the words come out as a goddamn _whimper,_ and Poe feels himself get wetter after just a few syllables.

He leans back in and whispers _“This is on you”_ before kissing Finn again.

_This is on me._

Finn slides his hand experimentally back to where it had been, this time mentally prepared for the shot of pleasure that the friction gives him.

Not enough, though, because he still moans against Poe’s lips as his torso shudders.

_Fuck._

Poe doubts how long he can keep this up. He doesn’t even know if he can keep his hands off of Finn; it takes everything he has to stop from grabbing it through the fabric and watching Finn’s expression as he climaxes under Poe’s fingers.

_He needs to figure this out._

Finn reverses direction, working toward the base as he feels himself getting closer.

_Closer to what?_

Poe pulls back, watching Finn’s open mouth relax without anything up against it.

“Finn?”

He opens his eyes, realizing that he’s _grinding into his palm._

“Poe, I-”

The pilot nods. “Good, because I don’t think I can watch you for much longer.”

Finn’s teeth show as he grins, closing his eyes again to focus.

Poe looks down, biting his cheek harder than he should as he watches Finn work himself. He wants to touch himself and get off to just the _sight_ of Finn right now, but that can wait.

_One thing at a time, Dameron._

Finn lets out a quiet whine as his left hand moves out towards Poe, who takes it in surprise.

_“Poe…”_

He nods, biting his lip, eyes darting between Finn’s face and hand.

“You’re doing great, buddy.”

Finn’s lips move apart, exposing his gritted teeth.

_“Fuck.”_

His grip on Poe’s hand tightens as his index finger finds a specific spot and starts working it.

Poe has to look up.

_This is too much._

Still, Finn proceeds to nearly crush Poe’s hand in his own, trembling slightly.

_“Ok, ok.”_

Poe looks back at his face, eyebrows raised and chest rising and falling quickly.

Finn’s _losing it,_ letting out a mess of moans and sharp exhales that Poe isn’t entirely convinced he’s aware of producing.

From here on out, it’s pure instinct.

“Poe, I, uh-”

A hard groan falls out of Finn’s mouth as he lurches forward, consumed by the waves pulsing out from his length.

This is something unknown; something hot is spurting out onto his thigh, every burst sending a powerful wave of ecstasy through him.

“Oh, _god.”_ Finn knows he’s making a mess, but _who gives a shit_ when it feels this good?

Poe’s head falls back as he feels a sort of relief wash over him, “That’s it Finn. _Fuck.”_

Finn doesn’t speak, riding out the rest of his orgasm by using his palm to run over the length of himself.

The tightness in his spine from the sudden movement is far in the back of Finn’s mind as he sits back, not wanting to lift his hand until every last bit of this feeling is eked out of him. He’s sweating, panting from the intangible force that just set every nerve in his body on fire.

Poe looks down as Finn’s grip on his hand loosens, feeling himself climb dangerously close as he eyes the wet patch just beside Finn’s left pocket.

Poe shakes his head in disbelief. “Goddamnit, buddy.”

Finn laughs, smile wide across his face. “Holy shit,” he finally lets go of himself and lets his hand drop beside him, “that was… insane.”

Poe figures he can settle for second-best as he leans over and presses his mouth against Finn’s.

The pilot’s hand twitches towards his goin, but he wills himself to _just ignore it_.

After a bit, Poe lets himself slip away from Finn and stares into his elated eyes.

“You’re getting pretty good at that.”

Finn doesn’t respond, bottom lip caught under white teeth as he tries to come down from the high.

“We should probably-”

Finn looks over, a grin curling up at the corners of his mouth.

“I love you.”

Finn tries to stand up, stopping halfway to get used to the mess in his pants before undoing the latch and lifting the shield up and over them.

Poe stands with him, reaching his arms upward to stretch before giving Finn a look.

“It’s probably best to head back-”

“As quickly as possible?”

Poe nods.

***

“You done in there?”

Poe’s been in the bathroom for too long, and Finn really needs to get these pants off of him.

“Just a minute!”

Finn sits on the end of the bed, trying to move his legs as little as possible.

“You should know,” his voice is muffled through the door, “it doesn’t usually get this messy.”

Finn laughs, “I hope not.”

The sink turns on as Poe continues, “yeah, the whole under-clothing thing is hot and all, but usually you at least drop your pants first.”

Finn considers the idea.

“So, what do we do now?”

“We could grab some food, look around, whatever sounds good.”

“I’m hungry, but… I wanna talk about… stuff.”

The sink shuts off, and Poe comes out in a towel.

“Stuff, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” he grabs some clothes from the dresser and walks back into the bathroom, “we could get some food and bring it back if you want.”

A moment later he opens the door again, and Finn takes his place.

“Sounds good.”

Poe shuts the door behind him. “Then it’s settled.”

Finn couldn’t strip down faster, tearing his boxers off and turning the knob to start the shower as he waits impatiently for the water to heat up.

Poe drops down onto the mattress, hands behind his head as a flood of thoughts run through his mind.

_Namely, I can’t believe that just happened and I don’t want to rush through this._

\\\

Until today, he assumed Finn would gradually become aware of intimacy, and eventually start experimenting.

Now that he knows what it’s about, does he want to go further?

_Clearly he has an appetite._

_The suppressants just blocked libido; they didn’t get rid of it._

Poe just doesn’t want to scare Finn away with too much at once, but he figures if the guy wants it, he can’t stop him.

Not that he’d want to.

\\\

The shower shuts off, and Poe gets up to check his communicator.

No alerts.

“Poe?”

He looks at the door. “Yeah?”

There’s a pause, and then, “do you only shave your face?”

_Oh my god._

Poe starts cracking up, almost dropping the communicator as he braces himself on the desk.

“Why is that funny?” He opens the door and steps out, wearing a black shirt and pants.

“I assume you mean,” Poe gestures to Finn’s groin, “y’know…”

“Yeah?”

“Well, sure. You can shave anywhere, but some people… prefer not to.”

“What do you do?” He leans against the wall.

“Um, I… trim it? I mean, you have to keep things tidy, but you don’t need to shave it _bare.”_

Finn nods gently.

“Well, I’m not putting a razor anywhere near there.”

Poe laughs, putting a hand on Finn’s shoulder.

“You can do whatever you want.”

“So that’s not… weird?”

“Nope. You wanna head out?”

Finn nods.

-

Poe grabs two plates and hands one to Finn, who once again is lost.

“I’m gonna need some recommendations.” The table full of metal trays is overwhelming.

Poe grabs a spoonful of something and drops it on Finn’s plate. “Just take some of everything. We can find out what you like.”

_Makes sense._

The dining hall is maybe halfway full, a few clusters of people huddled around tables.

“How many people do you know here?”

Poe looks up, surveying the room. “I mean, I know everyone more or less, but I only talk to a few regularly.”

Finn waits for Poe to fill up his plate before the pilot waves him towards the door. “Lead the way.”

-

Poe gets to the door first, but moves to the side. “I’ll let you do the honors.”

Finn shifts the plate between hands to free up his right thumb. He places it on the scanner, and the door slides open.

“So, what’s on your mind?”

Finn lowers himself onto the mattress and puts the plate onto his lap.

“I want to talk about… what happens after.”

Poe already has food in his mouth. “After?”

“This week.”

_Oh._

“Well, we’re still working for the Resistance, so you’ll have duties, I’ll be running missions…”

Finn shakes his head. “I mean _us._ Are we ever gonna see each other?”

Poe nods. “Well, sure,” he swallows, “we’re living together, aren’t we?”

“But what do I do when you’re not here, or what do you do when you’re alone?”

Poe laughs, “well, I’m not the only person on base.”

“But you’re different.”

Poe nods.

“I know what you mean. It’s not always fun, but… you’ll figure it out. _We’ll_ figure it out.” Poe squeezes his hand.

“I guess.”

“The best thing you can do it just enjoy what you have, and worry about what comes next when it’s time.”

Finn nods.

“Besides,” Poe’s voice is suddenly deeper, “we’ve still got three days to do whatever you want.”

“What if I just want to sit here and do nothing?”

Finn’s smiling again.

“To tell you the truth, buddy,” Poe puts an arm around him, “we could sit like this for the next three _weeks_ and I’d still have a hell of a time.”

“Poetic.”

Poe sighs. “You gonna eat?”

_Oh, right._

Finn picks up something small and tan off of his plate and tosses it into his mouth.

It’s pretty bland, a little salty.

Next up is a dark slice of something, pinkish towards the center. It’s chewy, but it has a nice flavor.

Poe’s practicing far less delicacy with his consumption, taking forkfuls of some things and stabbing pieces of other things on the end before bringing them to his mouth.

“Someone’s hungry.”

Poe laughs, covering his mouth. “Even real food becomes less exciting after a while.”

“Well, anything’s better than more ration bars.”

He nods in acknowledgement, “trust me, in a month or so you’ll be sick of it.”

 _Not likely,_ Finn thinks.

***

It’s late.

Their plates are piled on the desk, long since forgotten.

This time, Finn’s body is up against Poe’s.

His arm is around Poe’s stomach, free hand running through the pilot’s hair.

Poe’s been silent for a while, but Finn knows the difference between real and feigned sleep.

\\\

He had to.

Not being able to sleep because of the consequences that come from not sleeping is a devious circle to live in.

Phasma would come in three times a night to make sure no one was up.

If they were, or at least they didn’t do a good enough job of faking it, she would drag them out of the room and return them in a painful silence.

Finn learned quickly; two hours a night was enough to stay sane, three hours was a luxury if he was lucky enough to get it.

FA-3200 never had much trouble sleeping; he would get four, five hours a night.

Finn asked him how he managed it once, and his response was simply _“I make it happen.”_

It wasn’t until after he was reconditioned that Finn realized how he did it - on sanitation duty one day, he picked up 3200’s pillow and a needle fell out. One of the same needles that Phasma would pull out when a Trooper was out of line enough to cause a disruption - one squeeze and they were out.

Finn kept the needle hooked in a spring under his cot, but never used it.

It’s the only thing he had left of 3200.

It’s still up on the ship, right now.

And so is 3200.

 

**// Day Five**

 

Finn sits on a cargo box just outside the base entrance.

He’d woken up feeling anxious.

He’d slipped out of bed and tiptoed out of the room, not wanting to wake Poe.

Now he’s staring up into the sky, watching the trees sway in the wind and smelling the dark aroma of the coffee in his hands.

It tastes like shit, but he feels better when he drinks it.

Finn’s been sitting here for an hour.

He’s thinking of 3200.

_I’m so sorry._

The screams echo through his mind as he tries and fails to ignore them, the same loop he’s been on for years.

“Finn?”

He looks up. A big, smiling man walks over to him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I-”

“Temmin,” he reaches out and Finn shakes his hand. “You can call me Snap.”

“Snap?”

“Yeah. So what’re you doing out here?”

Finn shrugs his shoulders. “Just came out to think.”

The man nods, “Same here. You wanna walk?”

It isn’t until he tries to sit up that Finn realizes how bad the angle he’s been sitting at is for his back. He winces, falling back against the concrete wall in defeat.

“Need some help?” Snap takes Finn’s hand and holds his back until he’s standing.

“Thanks.”

“Still pretty messed up, huh?”

Finn takes a sip of coffee, trying not to show the disgust on his face. “It’s getting better, but yeah.”

They start walking down the landing zone, Finn introducing himself and Snap asking him all sorts of questions.

And then,

“Are you ok talking about, um… you know?”

_Conversations are always gonna lead to this, aren’t they?_

Finn nods. “Sure.”

“I don’t mean to pry, but,” he puts his hands together in thought, “what was it _like?_ Is it as bad as people say?”

Finn looks over at him. “What do people say?”

“Well, I heard that Troopers used to be clones, but now the First Order’s taking real people?”

Finn looks up. “I have a family, somewhere.”

“Have you ever thought of looking for them?”

“I haven’t… actually considered that, really.”

Snap puts a hand on his shoulder, “I think they’d be proud to see what you’ve done.”

_What?_

“I mean, there’s gotta be _thousands_ of Stormtroopers, but you’re the one who got out.”

Finn doesn’t know how to respond.

“I think it’s pretty damn cool.”

He smiles, “thanks.”

“How’s Poe doing? We haven’t seen him since you woke up,” he chuckles.

“Good.”

“So are you two, like…”

They reach the end of the pavement, and Finn turns to look Snap in the eye.

“What?”

“Well, you seem pretty close, I didn’t know if…”

_I love him, Finn thinks. But that sounds wrong to say to anyone else._

“I don’t follow.”

“Like, dating? Boyfriends?”

_Is that what you call it?_

“I- I don’t know.”

Snap shrugs, “I think it would be pretty cool.”

“Yeah?”

“I mean, the last time Poe was with someone, at least in a _relationship_ ,” he laughs, “he acted different. I think it brings out something in him.”

“I guess we’ll see.”

Finn turns on his heel and they start back.

“So what do you do?”

“I’m a pilot. Blue Squadron; with Jess. You know her, right?”

Finn nods, “I, uh… _yeah.”_

“She’s been talking about you; I think she likes you.”

_Like?_

“I heard you got drunk and… _talked_ about stuff?”

Finn forces a laugh. “Yeah, that was, uh... interesting.”

“Hey, just so you know, you can come by the hangar anytime you want. Once Poe gets back on duty, you can start learning about maintenance. We need all the mechanics we can get.”

“Sounds good.”

Snap gives him a warm smile.

“You wanna head there now? I can introduce you to some of the other pilots, show you around?”

Finn was planning on brooding until Poe came and found him, but this works too.

“Sure.”

“Great. Lemme tell Jess you’re coming, I’m sure she’ll want to be there to greet you.”

He pulls out his communicator, tapping away before finishing with an “Alright” and putting it back into his pocket.

-

Finn can hear a low hum as they approach the hangar, to door to which opens automatically as they get near.

The massive space comes into view, a row of X-Wings maybe forty feet away with sparks flying all over the place as pilots and mechanics work on them.

Snap taps him on the shoulder, “That’s mine,” pointing to a blue-and-white model at the far end of the row. “Nothing special, but she’s still in one piece.”

Finn nods. “Can I get a closer look?”

Snap’s beaming, surprised at Finn’s interest. “Sure!”

They make their way over, Finn ducking under a cable leading up to a ship’s engine.

“You have a name for it?” That seems like something pilots tend to do.

“No, not yet.”

“Why not?”

He scratches his chin, “Recon I just haven’t found one I like yet.”

Snap runs his hand down the blue stripe on the left side, looking over the craft with admiration.

Finn looks around, the ships are all the same. Blue and white.

“How come Poe’s is black and orange?”

Snap looks back at Finn, “got lucky, I guess. That’s where he got the callsign Black Leader.”

“I like it.”

“What, you don’t like mine?”

Finn’s grin drops. “No, I do… I just-”

Snap laughs, “I was kidding.”

“Oh.”

_That was stupid._

“Here. You wanna meet some of the other pilots?”

Finn nods.

“Alright, let’s go meet up with Jess first.” Snap walks toward the third X-Wing in the row, and knocks on the hull.

“Who is it?” Jessika’s voice comes out of the metal.

“Snap.”

“Oh!” Something metal clanks, and her head pops up from the cockpit. “Hey, kid.”

She jumps up and out of the ship, “I thought I could smell Poe from here.”

Snap laughs, but Finn doesn’t get it.

“What’re you-”

“Just routine maintenance. Don’t want anything flying off during a mission, you know?”

Finn nods, “Sure.”

“So, what brings you here?”

Snap interjects, “Just thought I’d show him around, figured he might end up working here.”

Jessika bites her lip, looking around.

“You good with tools?”

“Uh, sure?”

Her head is bobbing slightly to the beat of the music coming from speakers in the corner.

“We’ll see. Might be able to make a mechanic out of you yet, kid.”

She has something black smeared on her arm, and she catches Finn staring at it.

“What, never seen grease?” She wipes it with a finger and paints a stripe on Finn’s arm, “take a souvenir.”

“What the fuck?” Jessika crosses her arms and starts cracking up, leaning against the ship.

Snap rolls his eyes, “c’mon, Jess.”

 _“What?_ Can’t have a little fun?”

“It’s ok. Just… wasn’t expecting that.” Finn means it, but he really just doesn’t want to start an argument.

“See?”

Finn looks past her. “What’s that?”

A smaller, red-and-white ship sits in the corner of the hangar. It looks abandoned, half-hidden with a tarp and covered in dust.

“Oh man,” Jessika starts walking towards it, “this thing hasn’t seen action since the Empire.”

 _The Empire._ Finn’s heard stories of it. Like the First Order, but… worse. If Han said it was all true - was the Empire really as bad as they say?

“How’d it get here?”

“Dunno… it’s been there since before the Resistance started using this place as a base.”

“Reckon it still works, Jess?” Snap chimes in.

“Hell if I know. No one’s tried.”

Finn walks up to it and runs a hand over the red stripe in the center. A thick layer of dust dulls the bright color underneath.

“I’ve heard they fly faster than ours,” Jessika adds. “But I prefer working with ships that can actually _turn.”_

Snap laughs, “it’s a compromise.”

Finn turns around. “Why doesn’t someone try it?”

“Not that simple, kid. Power cell’s probably shot, and the flight controls are outdated - it’ll take a while to learn ‘em.”

_Fair enough._

“You thinking about becoming a pilot?” Her voice is more serious.

“Poe said he could teach me…” It isn’t an answer, but it’s true.

Jessika gives Snap a look, “I’m sure he did.”

“What’s so funny?” Finn’s had enough of feeling out of it.

“We’re just teasing, kid.” Jess taps his shoulder, “giving you a hard time is just my way of getting to know you.”

_That doesn’t make sense, but it’s something._

“Speaking of, how’s Poe doing?”

“He’s still asleep.”

“Still sane?”

Finn chuckles, “yeah.”

“He likes you. God knows you’re all he’s gonna be talking about for the next six months. But, at least he’s happy.”

Snap nods.

“And you?”

Finn looks back at her. “Huh?”

“You doing good?”

“Sure.”

She rolls her eyes.

“Tell you what,” she climbs a rung of the ladder against her ship and closes the blast shield, “let’s go somewhere a little quieter.”

“The three of us?”

“Why not?” She looks over at Snap, who nods in agreement.

“C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

-

Jessika finds them a table against the wall of the dining hall and motions Finn to sit down.

“I’ll grab us something.”

Snap leans over the table and whispers to Finn, “you don’t mind us stealing you, right?”

That sounds bad.

“What?”

He chuckles, “I mean, you didn’t have other plans, right?”

Finn mouths _oh._

“No, this is good.”

He leans back as Jessika returns, balancing three cups in two arms.

“Hope you like bantha milk,” she puts one in front of Finn.

He picks it up, rotating the grey plastic and watching the blue liquid inside swirl.

Finn had no idea banthas made milk, but he follows suit as Snap takes a gulp of his own.

It’s sweet and warm.

“Way better than coffee,” Finn jokes.

Jessika snorts, almost dropping her cup.

“You still drink it, though?” Snap asks.

Finn nods, eyeing his cup. “Everyone else does.”

“But you don’t like it?”

“Tastes like shit.”

Snap laughs, “right.”

“So anyway, I was gonna stop by and ask, so I might as well,” Jessika takes a sip, “about you and your boyfriend coming to a little… _gathering_ we’re having.”

_Boyfriend?_

She continues, “just a few of us pilots, we figured Poe could use it.”

Snap quickly adds, “and you could, too.”

Jessika nods slowly.

“What are we gonna do?”

“Well,” she leans over the table, “there’ll be some food, drinks… just sort of hanging out, I guess.”

She eyes him for a moment, “you can get back to me on that.”

“I’d go,” Finn tosses out, “I’m sure Poe would, too.”

She smiles. “Great! I’ll be sure to grab some more beer… _and water.”_

This time, all three laugh.

Snap finishes his drink and waves over to Finn. “How’s the back?”

“Good. It’s still sore, but it healed most of the way through.”

“That quick? You were pretty cut up, kid.”

Finn nods, “the nurse said it was something about… artificially-enhanced regeneration. I got it in the F-” he stops, noticing the sympathy in their eyes.

_God damnit._

“Before.”

Jessika’s face suddenly lights up, “so, what… you’re like, an _enhanced being_?” She draws air quotes.

Finn laughs, “not quite. It’s wearing off, now that I’m out.”

She sits back with a newfound respect in her eyes. “Pretty fucking cool, kid.”

“Yeah, well I was still a Trooper.”

_Shit, that sounded rude._

“Right…”

“It’s ok.”

“You getting along with people?”

“Haven’t met too many yet.”

Jessika looks over at Snap. “Well, when flyboy lets you out of his dungeon, I’ll be sure to introduce you to the other pilots. You’ll feel right at home in just a few weeks, kid.”

“Thanks.” Finn finishes his drink.

“Hey,” Snap sounds more serious now, “you’re one of us, ok? You don’t need to feel like you don’t belong. I know what it’s like to be the new guy, just ask Jess how long it took me to get settled in.”

Jessika smiles, “yeah, but Snap here’s nowhere as likable as you. Especially when you’ve already got another pilot around your shoulder.”

Snap continues, “plus, if anyone gives you shit, just let me know and I’ll beat ‘em up, ok?”

Finn looks at him.

“Ok, ok that was a _joke_ but you get me. We don’t want you to feel like you don’t belong.”

“Thanks, guys. Really.”

“No problem, kid.” Jessika stands up and stretches, “I’ve gotta head back, but say ‘Hi’ to Poe for me. Let him know we cleaned up his ship for him.”

“Will do.”

Snap follows suit, adding, “once you guys get back to work, just come to me or Jess and we can get you set up with something, alright?”

Finn nods. “Sure.”

He sticks his hand out and Finn shakes it again, “It was great to meet you, Finn.”

“You too.”

Jess waves him goodbye, and Finn watches them leave before he takes his cup to the bin and leaves.

With nowhere else to go (and brooding outside no longer feeling as enticing), Finn decides to head back.

-

He almost knocks on the door before remembering _I can unlock it now._

Finn can’t believe Poe is still asleep, but there he is, sprawled out on the mattress.

_Guess he really needs it._

He decides to take a shower and get out of these damn clothes.

-

The water still forces his back to arch in surprise.

He can stand on his own now; Finn’s back still aches as he lifts his arms to wash his hair, but it’s manageable.

\\\

Way back in some stupid, selfish corner of his mind, Finn wishes he was still in pain.

Because he likes the way Poe cares for him; putting Finn’s concerns before his own, it’s something new.

But some other part of Finn wants Poe to stop caring so much.

Finn just wants to live normally and have the other man see him as an equal; but it’s almost like the pilot cares _too much_ , and it’s getting in the way of everything else.

Finn wants to touch Poe; he wants to kiss him again and do whatever the hell they did in his X-Wing again and try all the things Jessika told him about.

But he doesn’t know how to say it.

\\\

He shuts the water off.

Sitting on the edge of the tub, Finn tries to rub the towel over his back, but it’s still no use.

He closes the door behind him, and looks over the room. Poe’s still sound asleep, but things have gotten pretty messy in the past few days. Clothes are strewn across the floor, plates and bottles occupy the desk.

So, Finn cleans it.

All the clothes get tossed into the basket in the corner; all the dishes get taken back to the dining hall and put in the bin.

-

When Finn returns, he gets back into bed as quietly as he can. He wraps his arm around Poe, knowing he won’t fall asleep but still wanting to feel this.

His hand finds Poe’s and holds onto it.

-

Finn isn’t sure how long he sits like that until the pilot groans, rolling onto his back and placing his free hand on top of his own.

“Hey, buddy…” his voice trails off, a croak still weighted with sleep.

“Morning.” Finn’s eyes are closed, but he’s smiling.

“What time…” Poe forces his eyes open and balks at the sunlight glaring down at them, “how long was I asleep?”

Finn honestly has no idea. “I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“You were… waiting for me?”

Finn shakes his head, “I’ve been up for a while, I just got back a little while ago.”

“Ok.” He lets out a dramatic yawn.

Finn opens his eyes and looks over. Poe’s hair is a mess, his stubble noticeably darker than yesterday.

Finn loves it.

Finally, Poe finds the energy to roll over again, facing Finn. “So what’ve you been up to?”

“I met Snap, he showed me around the hangar.”

“Yeah?”

“And I talked with him and Jessika for a bit.”

Poe nods, yawning again.

“She invited us to… a party? I guess?”

“With who?”

“Some other pilots. She said it’s in a couple days, so we can get back to her.”

“Could be fun.”

“I think so, yeah.”

Poe reaches up and puts a hand on Finn’s shoulder. “You look good.”

Finn grins in surprise, “Oh, uh… you too.”

“How’s your back?”

“Fine.”

Poe eyes him for a moment, “Want me to massage it again?”

Finn should really stop getting so excited over every little thing Poe does, but that doesn’t stop him this time.

“Sure.”

Poe lets go of him. “Roll over.”

Finn does, and he lets his body go slack as Poe puts a hand back on his shoulder and starts rolling his palm into it.

Once again, Finn doesn’t realize how much tension was built up until it starts to fade away.

“Good?”

He nods.

Poe’s elbow is awkwardly jutting out against the mattress, aching after only a minute or two at this angle.

“Here. Let’s sit up.”

Finn uses an arm to lift himself up, and Poe sets himself against the wall. “C’mere.”

Finn stands halfway up and sits down in front of Poe, lets wrapped around him.

Poe gets back to work.

Finn’s still shirtless, back almost dry. Poe looks over him, admiring his form.

A ragged pink line draws itself up from the bottom-left of his back up to the top-right of his shoulder. Poe still feels his spine tingle at the sight of it, but the knowledge that it’s more or less healed is a comfort.

Poe wants to explore every inch of his body, run his hands over Finn’s dark skin and make him feel what it’s like to be lusted after.

_It can wait._

“Still good?”

_Mhm._

Poe adds a bit more pressure to his grip, moving his hand more to the left.

Finn’s shoulders roll slightly in response.

“A little lower.”

Poe uses his thumb to start pressing circles into the skin just above his scar.

_“Right there.”_

Poe keeps going until Finn can feel the area start to go tender. “Ok.”

His hand remains but his grip loosens, and Finn takes a moment to move his arm and get used to the absence of pain.

Poe slides forward, putting both arms around Finn and resting his head on the man’s shoulder.

Finn lifts his arm and holds onto Poe’s hand.

Poe whispers _“I love you”_ into Finn’s ear. _“So much.”_

“You too.” It feels different saying it this time. There’s something more behind it.

Poe plants a kiss behind Finn’s ear. _“What should we do today?”_

Finn thinks.

“I’m good right here.”

Poe chuckles, his stubble tickling Finn’s neck.

 _“Me too.”_ The words seem to bury themselves into Finn’s skin, escaping from careful lips pressed against him.

Finn’s eyes close, his mind busy trying to come up with plans.

But all he can think of is _this._ What’s happening _right now._

“Poe?”

_Mhm?_

“I like this,” he says plainly. It’s the best sentence he can form.

 _“I do too.”_ He shifts further downward, burying his face in the crook of Finn’s neck.

Finn tilts his head to the right, giving him more room.

Poe kisses him again, this time just under the jaw.

Finn’s never felt anything like this.

It’s sweet, Poe wrapped around him, giving him a kind of attention he didn’t know existed.

But it’s also really hot.

He’s not sure why, but the feeling, just the _thought_ of Poe’s stubble against him is one of the best things he can picture in his mind.

Eventually, Poe stops reaching around him and settles back against the wall, with Finn’s head on his chest.

He’s running his hands through Finn’s hair.

“Poe?”

“Yeah?” his eyes are closed.

“Have you ever loved anyone before?”

Poe’s eyes flit open as he looks down. “Why do you wanna know?”

“Just curious.”

The pilot takes a deep breath.

_“Yeah…”_

\\\

His name was Maxwell, and he was Poe’s only boyfriend.

Poe’s been with plenty of guys, sure, but long-term relationships have never been something at the top of his list. Fucking for sport isn’t exactly something you need to dedicate time and effort into. It’s easier, and it gets the job done just fine.

But Maxwell was different.

Poe was a pilot in the New Republic Starfleet, and on command of his General, had to spend the night at a spaceport.

Needless to say, a visit to the bar was about the only thing that could occupy the hours he had to kill.

He was on his third shot of Corellian rum, sober enough to hold a steady gaze with the man across the room but drunk enough to go up and start hitting on him.

And _what_ a man he was; dark hair slicked back, skin tan and beard full.

Turns out he wasn’t there for any particular reason. Maxwell was a local, made his money betting on pod races.

He didn’t have a home; he slept where he could, the only possessions he had fit into his pocket. He didn’t live this way by force or because of his class - it just _suited him_. He didn’t want to settle down.

That was, at least, before he met Poe.

Poe still can’t remember how many times they fucked that night; Maxwell had told him four, but that seemed low.

It wasn’t the typical, get-it-over-with kind of fucking, either. It was the kind of fucking that you can feel the next day, the kind that had Poe sitting odd for days. The kind of fucking that has you nearly cutting through the sheets with your fingernails as you spend every uneven breath on pleas for more.

When Poe was spent, sweating on top of the cheap mattress with Maxwell against him, making out with more tongue than mouth, he realized that it was different. He wasn’t the kind of guy Poe would pretend to love for a night and then never see again; he wanted to stay with him.

He _had_ to.

He never returned to that cantina; neither of them did. Maxwell went with Poe the next day.

Truth be told, it was probably really fucking stupid to make a decision that quickly, but it actually ended up lasting for a while.

Two years.

It wasn’t like they ‘slowly started to drift apart’ or whatever, either. It ended in a fight, the scar from which Poe still has on his back. He was drunk, and Maxwell ended up leaving in the middle of the night during a scouting mission on Hosnian Prime.

Poe spent the entire day looking for a sign of him, but ended up with nothing.

Even now, years later, he feels like if he’d just waited a bit longer, he could’ve found Maxwell. Did he really mean to leave for good? There was no other way of contacting him.

Poe knows he’ll never see him again.

Probably wouldn’t recognize him if he did.

\\\

“...his name was Maxwell.”

Finn repeats the name.

“Yeah, he was a great guy.”

“Why did you leave? Or is he…?”

“No,” Poe shakes his head. “He’s still alive, we just… stopped. Haven’t seen him since.”

Finn kisses Poe’s forearm softly, thinking of what a man named Maxwell would look like.

“Anyone else?”

“Well, I mean, he was my only _boyfriend._ I’ve been with other guys, but… in different ways.”

“What about girls?”

Poe lets out an amused breath, “No, I’m uh… not really… no.”

He nods.

“Are you?”

Finn’s eyes dart to the head on his shoulder. “What?”

“Into girls too?”

“I… I don’t know.” He means it, but it comes out sounding defensive.

“What about Rey? You seem to like her?”

 _Rey._ Finn hasn’t thought about her for days. He suddenly feels guilty.

“I thought I did, but… I think it’s different.”

“Oh really?”

“I love her, but not the same way.”

“Same way as… me?”

“Yeah.”

“So she’s like… family?”

_Family._

“I guess. Not like I have anything to compare it to.”

Poe sighs. “Family doesn’t have to be like that, Finn.”

“Like what?”

“Just relatives. Anyone you care about can be family.”

“You?”

He grins. “I can be your family. If you want.”

“And Rey.”

“Sure.”

“Maybe even BB-8?”

“Whatever you want, buddy,” Poe laughs.

“What does that even mean?”

“We look after each other. We… I don’t know, we just care about each other. More than other people.”

“Do you think she’d want to be a part of… _our family?”_

“ _Our_ family… yeah… I think she would.”

Finn mulls over the concept, more than content with Poe’s hands on his scalp and legs wrapped around him.

After a while, he breaks the silence. “What about you?”

Finn opens his eyes. _Hmm?_

“Is there anyone you’ve ever liked?”

_3200._

“I don’t know.”

“You mean you can’t remember, or you don’t know if you really liked them?”

“No, I’m pretty sure I did, it’s just…” he doesn’t know how to describe it.

“Is he still alive?”

Finn feels his eyes begin to sting.

He clears his throat.

“No.”

Poe wakes up, hands resting on Finn’s shoulders.

He glances over at his communicator; it’s getting late.

 _“Hey,”_ he nudges Finn gently and waits for him to wake up.

_Hmm?_

“Hey buddy.”

Finn sits up and begins to stretch before his arm retracts in pain.

“Not a…” he rubs his back, “great angle.”

Poe crosses his legs and leans forward, arms wrapping around Finn once again. “You hungry?”

The other man looks up through the window. “How late is it?”

Poe exhales deeply, “it’s almost midnight.”

Finn makes a low noise in response.

“Let’s get out of here; it’s starting to feel cramped.”

Finn nods, and Poe lets go of him as he gets off the bed.

“Might want to grab your jacket,” he motions to the brown leather coat in the corner.

“Where are we going?”

“Out.” Poe tosses him a shirt, which he slips on before walking to the jacket.

Finn takes the garment in both hands, looking it over. He hasn’t touched it since he was out; and he hasn’t worn it enough for it to stop smelling like Poe.

Not that he’d want it to.

The tear running down the length of it has been mended; off-color stitches sealed it back up.

_Guess I have two reminders now._

Finn’s too caught up in his thought to hear Poe walk up behind him.

“You alright?” He puts his arms around Finn’s shoulders.

It’s only the third time he’s done it, but Finn loves it.

“Yeah.”

“Sure?”

Finn smiles, “yeah. I’m just thinking.”

Poe reaches out and holds up the jacket in front of them, “I got this from my father.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” His voice trails off.

“Then would you give it away?”

“He gave it to me because he loved me. So I’m doing the same.”

Something inside of Finn flutters.

“I like it.”

“Told you,” Poe backs up and helps Finn put it on, “it suits you.”

Finn gets used to the feeling of it again. It’s heavy - not as heavy as Stormtrooper armor of course - but still heavier than it looks. The worn leather is smooth, a bit shiny at points of friction. It smells like Poe’s cologne.

“What’re you gonna wear?”

Poe grins, “don’t worry about me.”

Finn rolls his eyes.

“We ready to go?”

Finn nods.

Poe grabs a blanket off of the bed before they leave.

-

The cool air hits Finn, something he still has to get used to.

“C’mere,” Poe nods to the right.

They follow the landing zone to the end, where the cement gives way to grass. Poe drops the grey blanket onto the the ground and sits down, taking Finn’s hand as he lowers himself unsteadily. Poe shifts closer and puts an arm around Finn.

“So?”

Finn looks over. “They’re… stars.”

“You don’t…?”

Finn laughs, “I saw stars every day. Don’t impress me much anymore.”

Poe sighs. “Just think about it… every star you see is the sun for another solar system. Think of how many planets - how many _places_ are out there.”

Finn looks up, intrigued.

“You’ve only ever been to, what, a handful of planets?”

Finn nods.

“ _So…_ you deserve to see _so_ much more than that.”

Finn would be flattered if he wasn’t so distracted by the prospect of limitless galaxies lining his vision.

“I want you to see all the incredible things out there. I wanna show you… places you couldn’t even _dream_ of.”

“I do too, Poe.” Finn’s tone drops. “But we can’t. We can’t even leave this base outside of missions. It’s claustrophobic.”

Poe drops his head onto Finn’s shoulder. “I know what you mean, buddy.”

They sit in silence for a moment, Poe matching his breath to Finn’s.

“We’re doing this for something more important than us - which, I know sounds bleak - but if we can win this, we’ll be free. All of us.”

“I hope Rey finds Luke.” It’s all he can come up with.

Poe nods, “I do too.”

“When do you think she’ll be back?”

“Your guess is as good as mine, Finn,” he closes his eyes, “but she’ll be back. I know it.”

“I bet she’s training already.”

Poe grins, “if I’m looking in the right direction,” he points out towards the sky, “Ahch-To is somewhere in that region.”

“So she’s all the way out there…”

“Barely a speck from here.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Yeah…” Poe’s focus shifts from the stars back to Finn, his silhouette arching up in wonder.

“Finn?”

His eyes travel back down. “Yeah?”

“You doing ok? Like, in general. Anyone been giving you a hard time or anything?”

“No, I, uh… I think everyone’s been nicer than they had to be, honestly.”

Poe laughs, “good.”

“Why?”

“Well, we’ve got two days left. I just don’t want you feeling completely out of it when you start getting regular duties in.”

“I’ll manage.”

The pilot lifts his head up and looks over. “So you’re alright?”

“I’m fine, yeah.”

“Ok.”

_“Poe?” Fuck it._

“Yeah?”

Finn closes his eyes for a second, hesitant but knowing he’s probably not gonna get another chance. “Can I kiss you?”

Poe’s arm slides over to Finn’s back, and he smiles gently. “Yeah.”

Finn takes the initiative this time, reaching up to cup Poe’s cheek with his hand and leaning in until he feels contact. Poe’s lips push back against his, and Finn tilts his head a little in order to lean in further. After a moment of feeling Poe’s skin against him, Finn melts into their embrace, holding Poe’s face with both hands and completely ignoring the slight discomfort the angle produces.

He eventually pulls away and looks into Poe’s eyes, a bit surprised but also relieved.

 _“You can keep going,”_ he looks down, the words barely audible.

 _“Who said I was stopping?”_ Finn retorts, more to himself than the other man.

He leans in again, but instead of going for Poe’s mouth, he diverts course and plants a kiss on his rough cheek, following the same pattern Poe had used on him the day before. He stops just before Poe’s ear, leaning back against his face and taking a long, selfish drag back away, his cheek rubbing against the shadow of a beard present on Poe’s face.

“I really think you should keep the beard,” a tinge of embarrassment in his voice. It’s not that he _planned_ to do that, it just sort of… happened.

“Oh yeah?” He scratches his chin, eyes doing the smiling.

“Yeah…”

“Maybe I will.”

Finn’s hand comes back. He runs a palm over Poe’s cheek, eyes fixed on the wild patch of stubble growing over it.

“So you’re into hair, huh?” Poe jokes.

“Yours, yeah.”

Poe laughs, “I like it too, but it gets in the way. Liked it on you, though.”

Finn’s mouth twitches, “really?”

“Yeah, looks good on you.”

“Maybe we should both let ‘em grow out?”

“We’ll see.” It comes out as a tease.

“So, uh, can we…?”

Poe grins, “you don’t have to ask to kiss me _every_ time, Finn.”

He leans back in without another word.

\\\

Even though the feeling was weak, Finn knows that he loved 3200.

Even though he didn’t understand why - _it made no sense,_ he would let his eyes wander to him every time he was sure no one would notice.

Even though he felt guilty (and maybe still does), he would glimpse in the other man’s direction when he was lucky enough to shower across from him.

Even though it didn’t do anything for him physically, something inside of Finn craved to be in his presence, to talk aimlessly for hours on end despite his heartbeat serving as a constant reminder of what would happen if someone caught them.

Even though he will never know if 3200 loved him back, Finn concludes that what he felt _was_ love. Even as the First Order went out of its way to stop him from noticing it, there was something inside of him that broke through.

But FA-3200 will never know that.

FA-3200 will never know love.

FA-3200 will never feel what Finn feels _right now,_ with Poe pressed against him and with his heart racing for entirely different reasons.

\\\

Poe’s fingers are rolling over Finn’s scalp, decency all but forgotten as he lets out a series of unnecessarily hungry grunts.

Finn’s hands are still cupping Poe’s face, fingers grazing over his stubble.

It strikes Finn how natural this all feels; Poe showed him how to kiss, sure, but the rest of it, and even the intensity of it… It’s all just _happening._

Poe pulls away just enough to speak, “So I take it,” he stops to inhale, “you liked what we did before?”

Finn’s grinning almost painfully wide, eyes closed and breathing heavy. “I loved it.”

“Ok, but remember when I told you it doesn’t have to get that messy?”

Finn’s eyes open, adjusting to the dark. “I think I get the idea.”

“I think it’d be easier to stand up, buddy.”

Finn kisses him again, arms on the other man’s shoulders, intoxicated by the roughness just above and below his mouth. After a bit he breaks off, Poe helping him up to his feet and holding Finn’s head in his hands as he kisses him again.

Finn’s arms go slack, neck tilted forward in utter willingness.

“You’re pretty good at that,” Poe muses, right corner of his mouth curled upward.

“Learned from the best.”

Poe laughs softly, taking a step back and looking Finn over.

 _“God,_ Finn.” His mouth hangs open on the last word, eyes full of… something Finn hasn’t quite seen before.

Poe walks around Finn and wraps his arms around him, careful to not put too much weight on his shoulders.

Their difference in heights allows Poe’s head to almost naturally sit on Finn’s shoulder, back to planting kisses below his ear.

“So you like the beard, huh?”

Finn’s eyes are shut once again. “I think so.”

Poe chuckles, rubbing his cheek against Finn and grinning stupidly as he hears Finn’s breath hitch.

“Never really been a thing for me, but I can get used to it,” he admits.

Poe’s hands shift to find Finn’s, warm and trembling slightly.

“You ok?”

“Fine.”

Poe kisses him again, “it’s ok to be nervous. You’ve never done this before; I get it.”

Finn nods.

“I just want you to feel good. That’s what this is about.”

“I know.”

“So if there’s something you want me to do - _or not do_ \- just let me know. Trust me, after what I’ve seen, you’re not gonna weird me out or anything, ok?”

“Alright.”

“C’mere.” Poe backs off enough for Finn to turn his head, and kisses him again.

Once he’s had enough, Finn pulls away and Poe moves his head back against him, taking a moment to let Finn recover before going further.

“So, where should we start?”

“Start?”

“Yeah. I mean, we can get right to it if you want, but some people like to take their time… there are other places that can feel good.”

“Like?”

“Well, anywhere. It’s up to you.”

“Where would you go first?”

Poe laughs, “Uh, I dunno… your upper body can feel pretty nice.”

Finn nods, “Ok.”

Poe pecks him on the jaw once more before placing his hands over Finn’s chest, arms fitted under the other man’s.

He moves in broad strokes, fingernails grazing over the soft fabric of his undershirt, sliding between the break in their leather jacket.

“Just tell me what feels good.”

Finn groans lowly in response, eyes closed but head tilted back slightly.

Poe moves higher, hands slowly moving over every inch of the chest underneath them.

“Nothing yet?”

“It’s ok.”

Poe exhales, amused. “I can go under.”

“Ok.”

Poe’s hands travel down, finding the edge of the fabric and slowly sliding back up, fingers running through the path of short hair up his belly and pulling the shirt up with it, exposing his dark skin to moonlight.

“Better?”

_Mhm._

Poe goes up further still, using his thumbs to massage small circles into Finn’s nipples and eliciting a groan in doing so.

Eventually he makes his way back down, sliding his fingers selfishly over Finn’s stomach to trace the light indents of his muscles.

“You good?”

“Yeah.”

Poe’s hands come out from under the shirt and make quick work of the button on Finn’s pants, pulling the zipper down and running his fingers playfully along the top of his boxers.

_“Poe…”_

The pilot’s mouth is too distracted to reply, working over every possible patch of skin on Finn’s neck.

Finn’s already hard, length trapped under straining fabric that Poe runs a hand over with an almost absent touch. He still shudders at the sensation, almost light enough to be a tickle.

 _“Good?”_ Poe’s talking into Finn’s ear.

His voice is different. Lower… sexier.

“Yeah.”

Sentences aren’t exactly coming easily to Finn right now.

Poe’s fingers travel out to the tip, sizing Finn up. He slides back down with his palm, reaching the base and letting his hand trail off to the side, rubbing the inside of Finn’s thigh.

Not for too long though, because he can practically feel the need seeping through Finn’s pores.

He palms the skin just below Finn’s waist, feeling the short curls.

_“Ok buddy.”_

He slowly slides a hand over Finn, touch unmoving as he waits for the other man to recover.

“Holy _shit_ , Poe.”

The pilot grins, his fingers extend down the length before wrapping his hand around it.

Finn’s whole body twitches as Poe pulls up and frees it from his boxers, head dragging against the fabric.

Poe stops to admire Finn for a moment before adjusting his grip, thrusting outward slowly as Finn’s head falls back onto his shoulder.

_“Fuck, Poe.”_

Finn’s breath is sporadic at best, huffing and hissing caught between sharp inhales and exhales.

He lets out an absolutely _obscene_ moan, fingernails digging into his palms as a slow drip of precome runs down his erection.

Poe feels it on his index finger, resisting the painful urge to get a taste.

_“That’s it.”_

They keep at it for longer than Poe expected Finn to last, finding a rhythm fast enough to stop Finn from outright begging, but slow enough to keep it going.

 _“Better than before, huh?”_ Poe’s chin is on Finn’s shoulder, watching himself as the increasingly desperate moans play directly into his ear.

_“So good.”_

“Lemme know when you’re close, alright?” He can tell anyway, but he wants to hear it.

_Mhm._

Poe’s right hand lowers and runs back under Finn’s shirt, fingernails running lightly over his skin.

Eventually, the pilot can feel the other man thrusting back lightly - _instinctively_ \- into his grip.

_“Ok, ok.”_

Poe nods, “just let it go, buddy.”

What comes next is something caught between a groan and a whimper, Finn acknowledging his words but far removed from them.

Poe keeps on at a steady pace, whispering a stream of barely-audible encouragements into the ear next to him as he waits for it.

_“Fuck…”_

Poe’s strokes get longer, hand sliding from the base up as far as he can go.

 _“Poe!”_ His eyes fly open as his torso lurches forward, surprised by the intensity of it all.

_“That’s it, that’s it.”_

Poe feels Finn twitch in his hands, the first shot of come visible for only a second, catching the moonlight.

He leans against Finn, rubbing his cheek against him and waiting for a response.

What he gets is more come, _a lot more,_ and the hottest fucking moan he’s ever heard falling out of Finn’s mouth.

After a few seconds the shots get less intense, instead rolling off the head and dripping down.

Poe’s been completely ignoring himself, but he can feel himself getting wet as a bit of the hot liquid hits his hand.

_“Fuck, buddy.”_

Finn doesn’t speak, eyes shut again and entire body writhing with pleasure so unfamiliar it’s hard to comprehend.

After a while Poe’s thrusts feel rawer against Finn’s erection. _“Ok.”_

Poe stokes outward once more, spanning the length before catching the remaining beads of come at the head and letting go.

His fingers lie still in the cool air, begging to be in Poe’s mouth.

“Hey,” he starts kissing Finn behind the ear again.

“Poe?”

_Mhm?_

“Shit.”

The pilot laughs against his skin, knowing exactly what the word means.

After a minute, he backs off and licks his fingers clean.

Once he’s done, he wraps both arms back around Finn.

_“You taste so good.”_

“People do that?”

Poe laughs, “sure they do.”

“That was-”

“Good?”

_“So good, Poe.”_

“We can sit down if you want.”

“Mkay.”

Poe slides his hands off Finn and helps him back down, back against the blanket and Finn leaning against him on his side.

Poe kisses the top of Finn’s head, the other man’s breath still not quite back to normal.

“You know you can do that on your own, right?”

“Not sure I want to,” Finn mumbles.

“Right, but I’m just saying. When I’m on a mission or whatever, you don’t need me here to get off. Everyone does it.”

Finn nods against his chest. “Even you?”

Poe grins, “‘course.”

“How come you haven’t yet?”

“Uh,” he pecks finn’s head again, “I’ve been focused on you.”

“Maybe you should.”

The pilot laughs. “I’m good for now.”

Finn just takes a deep breath.

“You wanna head back?”

“You’re not gonna believe this, but,” he shifts upward a bit, “I’m tired.”

Poe shakes his head, grinning, “we can stay here.”

_Mhm._

Poe settles onto his back, right arm behind his head and left arm under Finn’s.

Finn closes his eyes, hand on Poe’s chest and head in the crook of his arm.

A few minutes pass, and Poe’s eyes suddenly flit open. “Wait, did you ever…”

Finn laughs, knowing exactly what he means.

It’d completely slipped both their minds.

“No.”

“You should probably-”

“Yeah.”

Poe gazes up at the sky, waiting for the quiet _zip_ before closing his eyes again, feeling just content enough to drift back asleep.

\\\

Finn wakes up on the floor.

It’s cold, black and reflecting his face back up to him.

He looks up. It’s an empty room, save for a door occupying the opposite wall.

Finn stands up, takes one more look around and walking to the metal door.

There’s no power; the scanner and emergency override are both useless.

_“Turn around.”_

Finn stops moving - stops _breathing_ \- at the sound of Phasma’s voice.

“What-”

“FN-2187, I said turn around. _Immediately.”_

His foot twitches, the stern noise still powerful enough to get a response.

_Just ignore it._

Finn waits until he’s sure it’s a conscious decision before turning around.

Opposite him, tied up against the wall are two bodies. Both have masks over them, both on their knees with arms suspended in the air.

Finn runs over, unfastening the mask on the left body.

 _“Rey?”_ She’s gagged, eyes wide. Finn’s shaking hands undo the knot, and she takes a second to wheeze out a full breath.

“Finn!”

“Rey, what’s going on? How did you-”

“I don’t know. Finn, we were captured from the base.”

_We._

Finn gets up and drops onto his knees in front of other other body, pulling off the mask.

_“Oh, no.”_

It’s Poe.

And he’s bleeding.

“Poe? Lemme…” he pulls off the gag and holds the man’s face in his unsteady hands.

 _“ffffinn?”_ His voice is groggy.

“Poe? Are you ok? _Oh god_ , what did they do to you, Poe?”

Rey clears her throat. “They got to him, Finn. They were gonna torture me next but then they brought us here instead.”

Finn looks over to her. “Is he ok?”

“I think? The sedative’s wearing off, he should be alright if-”

_“fffffinn.”_

He looks back. “Poe? Talk me, Poe.”

“Pick up the blaster.” Phasma’s voice is omnipotent, seemingly pouring out of the walls.

“What?”

“Do it, Trooper.”

Finn stands up, forcing his eyes away from Poe and looking around. Behind him, in front of the door, sits a standard-issue blaster.

Finn walks toward it, kneels down and picks it up in both hands.

It’s uncomfortably familiar in his grip.

“There’s enough charge left for one shot,”

_No no no._

“And if you play any games, you’ll all die.”

Finn looks up, watching Rey’s frantic eyes and Poe’s drooping frame with a newfound horror.

“Finn, she’s just messing with you.”

“If one of you isn’t dead in the next five minutes, it won’t matter who decides to play the hero.”

The low white noise behind Phasma’s intercom stops, and Finn knows she’s done talking.

“Rey…?”

“Finn, just block it out. Help us out of these and we can figure something out.”

With great effort, Poe picks his head up and tries to say something, but all that comes out is a whine.

Finn stands up, blaster in hand, and walks back to them. He drops it in front of Rey with a loud clatter, and starts trying to break her hands free from the holds.

“It’s… stuck…” Finn braces himself against the wall with his leg and pulls as hard as he can, but it’s useless.

“I can’t.”

Rey looks up at him, eyes red. “Finn, we need to f-”

_“Four minutes.”_

“Ok, ok,” she swallows, “just… try the door.”

Finn shakes his head, “Rey, there isn’t a way out of this.” He hates himself more with each word.

_“ffffffinn…”_

Finn drops down in front of Poe again. “Poe, talk to me.”

_“Just... kill-”_

_“No.”_

_“Kill me.”_

_“No,_ Poe. I’m not killing anyone.”

 _“I’m already dead, buddy.”_ He coughs, specks of blood hitting the smooth floor.

“Stop talking like that, Poe. I’m right here, nothing’s gonna happen to any of us.”

_“Don’t… play the hero, Finn.”_

All he can do is shake his head in disbelief.

_“Three minutes.”_

_“Just… do it.”_

_“No!”_ Rey looks over, “Poe, stop talking like that.”

 _“Finn, listen to me.”_ He coughs again, this time more weakly. _“I’m a lost cause. Better to not waste someone who can actually make it-” he winces, “out of this.”_

Finn feels something run down his cheek. “I can’t. I- I _won’t._ Just- we can figure something else out, ok? We always do.”

_“Not this time, buddy.”_

_“Two minutes.”_

_“Just… pick up the damn gun.”_

Finn gets up and steps away, mumbling _no._

_“Finn. We’re all gonna die if you don’t do something.”_

“It’s not gonna be you.”

_“Yes. It. Is.”_

Rey chokes back tears, _“Finn…”_

“It has to be me.”

Poe picks his head up, _“don’t be stupid.”_

“You’re here because of me.”

_“One minute.”_

“Finn, I don’t wanna hear that bullshit.” He coughs, hacking up more blood.

 _“Finn, stop!”_ _She’s crying._

_“Finn, listen to me. I’m not gonna let you do this. Just pick up the gun and come back here.”_

Against his better judgement, Finn does it.

_“Just… hold it up to my head.”_

_“Poe…”_

_“We don’t have time, Finn.”_

It takes everything he has to lift the gun up, finger off the trigger.

_“Do it, Finn.”_

_“Thirty seconds.”_

_“Ok? It’s ok. Just… do it.”_

_“No…”_

Rey’s silent, staring at the ceiling in disbelief.

_“Finn, I love you.”_

_“Don’t do this, Poe. Please.”_

_“I love you, ok? Don’t you dare blame yourself for this.”_

_“Fifteen seconds.”_

_“Poe, I can’t.”_

_“Do it for me. I want this.”_

_“No.”_

_“Ten Seconds.”_

_“Finn, buddy, you’ve-”_

But Finn isn’t listening. He pulls the blaster away and holds it up against his own head.

_“FINN!” Rey shrieks._

_“Five seconds.”_

_“Hey, nonono Finn, listen to m-”_

He hears the soft _click_ of the trigger as his finger retracts, the loud blast cut short as everything goes black.

 

**// Day Six**

 

Finn’s body shudders as his eyes snap open, but not enough to wake Poe. He’s breathing heavy, heart racing and hand tugging at Poe’s shirt.

He looks up for a moment before scooching over and dropping his head onto Poe’s chest, trying to hold back tears.

It doesn’t work.

Within ten seconds he’s a wreck, body still flush with adrenaline and mind still racing from it all. He tries to hold back the shaking but the best he can do is keep his arms off of Poe and plant shaky sighs directly into the fabric underneath him.

It’s probably the wet stain on his chest that wakes Poe up.

 _“He- Finn?”_ His arm immediately finds its way to Finn’s back, and he props himself up with the other shoulder to get a better look. “What’s going on?”

Finn picks his head up, wiping his nose, “just another nightmare.”

Poe’s eyes are full of compassion, brows curved down in absolute focus. “C’mere.”

Finn pulls himself up, and Poe takes him in both arms.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Finn shakes his head.

“Ok, ok.”

Finn inhales deeply, taking in the scent of Poe’s skin underneath him and forcing his breath back to a normal pace.

“You alright?”

Finn tilts his head up to speak, “Yeah. Just… waking up from it sucks.”

“I know.” His hands rub over Finn’s back, “I know.”

The tightness in Finn’s stomach eventually subsides, and he loosens his grip around Poe.

The pilot takes the hint, backing off enough to peck Finn on the cheek and then looking him in the eye. “You sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

Finn nods. “I’d rather just forget about it.”

“Alright,” he looks down, “just know you _can_ talk about it, ok? Sometimes it helps.”

Finn doesn’t respond.

“Just promise me you’ll let me know if it happens again, ok?”

“I will.”

“Hey,” Poe’s hand finds the mother man’s shoulder, “they’re just dreams, alright? They can’t touch you once you’re awake.”

“Right.”

“Did they happen...before?”

Finn thinks. “I don’t think I ever slept long enough to start dreaming.”

The corner of Poe’s mouth twitches. “They’ll go away soon.”

“What if they don’t?”

“If they don’t,” he puts on a smirk, “I’ll just have to stay up all night and whisper things in your ear.”

Finn scoffs.

“Besides,” Poe gets up and takes Finn’s arm to help him stand, “you’ll have better memories to dream about soon enough.”

-

Finn makes it to the door first, scanning his thumb and stepping back into the room.

The realization of what they did the night before suddenly hits him. He stops next to the desk in the corner, putting his hands down onto it and leaning over to stretch his shoulder.

_You know you can do that on your own, right?_

Finn thinks about how long he’s been oblivious to such an incredible thing; all it took was for Poe to put a hand on him, and he was more or less done for.

“Your back alright?”

Finn snaps out of it, standing up straight and looking back. “Yeah, just getting it loosened up a bit.”

“I was gonna hop in the shower, but if you want to go first, I can grab us something to eat.”

Finn really needs some time to think. “Go ahead; I’ll get the food.”

Poe grins, “Can’t say no to that.”

He walks over, holds Finn’s head in both hands and kisses him on the forehead. “If you see Jess, tell her we’ll be there tonight.”

 _Oh, shit._ Finn had completely forgotten about the party.

“Will do.”

Poe steps away and enters the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Finn puts the jacket back onto the hook and looks over the room before stepping back into the hallway.

-

Poe steps into the shower, already wet. It’s been almost two weeks since he’d gotten off; and after last night, he isn’t sure if it’s even _healthy_ to keep going like this.

After letting the water run over him for a while, he rubs a finger between his lips and starts working himself. It feels _great,_ and after so long he’s plenty sensitive. He finds a rhythm quickly, memory of the night before more than enough for him to go on.

The mental image of Finn in his hand leads him to come almost embarrassingly quick, right hand against the wall as he hisses slightly from the pleasure.

_Finn’s beautiful._

Poe knows it, but it isn’t until now that he really stops to think about it. It’s no wonder he stopped to get a good look at the Stormtrooper when he pulled his helmet off. His short curls, wide shoulders and broad lips; they’re all _so fucking hot_.

_He has no idea what he’s been missing._

And then,

_We’ll figure it out._

He finishes stroking the last few pleasurable pulses out of himself, and runs his hand under the stream before grabbing the soap.

-

Poe hears the door open just as he finishes scrubbing the pads of his feet.

“Did you find Jess?”

“Didn’t see her.”

“Use my communicator.”

Finn puts both plates on the desk and picks up the device, switching it on and finding Jessika’s name on the _PEOPLE_ list. He clicks the green button and waits for her to answer.

After a few seconds, the line crackles to life. “What’s up?”

“It’s Finn.”

“Hey, kid. Poe already got you on secretary duty?”

Finn laughs, “no quite. But, uh, we’ll be at the party tonight.”

“Nice. Ask your boyfriend to bring something harder than beer, ok? I’m sick of this shit.”

Finn nods, before remembering neither of them can see each other. “Alright.”

“That it?”

“Yup.”

“Ok kid, see you guys tonight.”

She hangs up before Finn can respond. He puts the communicator back down and sits down on the bed, bringing a plate onto his lap. He picks up a strip of bacon and bites off a chunk, savoring the saltiness.

Finn hears the water shut off, the shower curtain being pulled along the rod.

Poe comes out with a towel around his waist a few minutes later. He looks over at the desk. “No coffee?”

“I- um,” Finn swallows, “couldn’t carry it all at once.”

The pilot laughs, sitting down next to Finn. “I’m sure, one day, I’ll find the strength to forgive you.”

Finn grins.

He puts his plate back on the desk and gets up, “I should probably get washed up.”

“Alright,” the pilot sits back against the wall.

Finn closes the door, air still heavy with steam as he undresses. He drops his clothes on the counter and pulls the curtain back, starting the flow of water.

Before stepping in he rolls his shoulders, the same pesky spot on his back feeling tight again. Once it feels better, he steps under the hot water and takes a deep breath as it runs over his scar.

-

“You got anything better to wear?”

Poe grins, looking over. “Worried you’re not looking sharp enough?”

“Maybe.”

The pilot laughs, “This isn’t exactly a black-tie kinda crowd, but I’m sure I can find something nicer than what you’ve got on.”

He gets up, rummaging through his dresser before pulling out an old button-down shirt. “I’ve had this since I was in the New Republic fleet, not sure if it’ll fit.”

Finn stands up behind him and takes it in his hands. It’s blue, a bit worn. He pulls it over the thin, black undershirt he’s already wearing, and it fits snug.

He stares down at the small, white circles lining the right side. “How do you-?”

Poe chuckles, “never had to use buttons, huh?”

“Nope.”

Two sure hands guide the middle button into the corresponding opening, and Finn feels a bit stupid for needing help with such a simple thing.

“Think you got it?”

Finn gives him a look before taking a good five seconds to fasten the next button.

Once he’s done with the rest, Poe runs his hands down the shirt. “Looks good on you.”

Finn tugs the bottom down, flattening it against his chest and looking up.

“And what,” he steps aside and waves to the open drawer, “will you be wearing tonight, Mr. Dameron?”

Poe laughs, smile lingering long afterward, “Perhaps that dashing man in the corner can find me something?”

Finn doesn’t respond, leaning over the drawer and shifting various garments around. He settles on a tan shirt with blue stripes and a pair of black pants.

“Is that your final choice?”

“Yes.”

Poe takes the clothes and leans in to peck Finn’s cheek. “I like it.”

Finn stands still, face warm as he hears the bathroom door click behind him.

***

Poe stops just outside the hangar door, holding Finn by both shoulders. Muffled laughter and music bleeds through the walls.

“You good?”

Finn nods.

“Let’s try to have some fun tonight, alright?” He adjusts the collar on Finn’s shirt for a moment.

Finn smiles as Poe lets go and opens the door.

The hangar is dimly-lit, people scattered about and music loud. It’s a bit odd, seeing all the pilots in casual clothing.

Poe leads the way, walking over to Snap and another pilot.

Snap catches sight of Poe, and hops off the crate he was sitting on. “Hey!”

Poe jogs forward and wraps an arm around Snap, “Good to see you, pal.”

 _Pal._ Finn hasn’t heard that one before.

“Hey, c’mere, Finn,” Snap shouts.

Finn walks over and can already smell the alcohol. It’s different than the beer, but it’s unmistakable.

“This is Bastian.”

The man holds out his hand, and Finn shakes it. “Nice to finally meet you, Finn.”

“You too.”

Snap reaches behind him and takes a swig out of his bottle. “You guys want something to drink?” He reaches over to the crate and picks up two bottles, “Saved you the trip.”

Finn thanks him and takes one, twisting off the cap with his hand.

Bastian grabs his beer and holds it out, “Cheers to Finn. For making it out alright.”

Snap laughs, Poe hollers and Finn can’t help but grin as the four of them tap bottles.

Poe puts an arm around Finn as he tils his head back to take a long swig, and Finn tries his best to not gag on the first, shallow gulp he manages to get down.

-

Finn’s almost done his second bottle by the time Snap raises his in triumph. “Glad you decided to show up!”

Jess already has a drink in her hand. “What’s goin’ on?”

She pats Finn on the back, “Hope these guys haven’t been giving you _too_ much trouble.”

Snap laughs. “Speak for yourself.”

Jessika takes a drink and leans against the wall. “So, how’s domestic life been, Poe?”

He shakes his head, scoffing slightly. “It’s been good.”

“You doing alright, Finn?”

He nods, “Nearly healed.”

“Well, once the honeymoon’s over, we’ll be sure to get you situated here. Smaller tasks at first, nothing that’s gonna fuck with your back.”

“Anything’s better than sanitation duty.”

They all laugh, and Finn can feel the buzz of alcohol lightening his mood, assuaging his nerves.

Bastian sits up straight and looks over. “You ready to get back to it, Poe?”

“What, you miss me?”

Bastian laughs. “Missed having our best pilot.”

Jessika almost chokes on her beer. “ _Best_ is a... strong word, Bastian.”

Poe gives her a painfully sarcastic look.

“Got Black One all fixed up, looks better now than when she was new.”

Poe looks beyond them and into the dark rear of the hangar. “No kidding?”

She crosses her arms. “Yeah, guess that makes us even?”

Poe laughs, “for _what?”_

“Y’know…?”

It takes a few seconds before the pilot gets it. “Oh, shit, yeah… guess it does.” He rubs a hand over his neck sheepishly.

Finn doesn’t bother asking what they mean.

“So, anyway,” Jessika resumes, “you haven’t missed much this week. A couple scouting missions - Red Squadron’s out on one now, and that’s about it.”

“It’s been quiet,” Bastian adds.

“Well,” Poe finishes his bottle, “that’s either good or bad news.”

Snap clears his throat. “Guess we’ll have to wait and see. In the meantime, can’t we find something else to talk about. Isn’t that the _point,_ here?”

Poe huffs, “Guess you’re right.”

“So we’ve all been doing the same shit… what about you two? What’ve you been up to?”

Poe looks over at Finn. “Just... hanging out.”

Jessika laughs, “For six days?”

“Sure.”

She turns to Finn. “Obviously there’s more to it than that. Maybe your boy here can fill us in?”

_Your boy?_

“I mean, that’s been about it. Just… recovering, taking things slow-”

Jessika leans over to Snap and whispers something, both of them cracking up.

“What?”

“You two done anything since we talked?”

“Jess, c’mon,” Poe interjects.

“What? We’re all friends here, might as well let us know why Poe’s gonna be late for the next six weeks.”

Even Finn cracks a smile at that one.

“You don’t have to tell her anything, Finn. She’s just being an ass-”

“Yeah, we have.”

Everyone goes quiet.

“Uh, you know… _done stuff,”_ he quickly reaffirms.

Jessika nods, cracking open another bottle. “See? Easy as that.”

Finn can’t help but be proud to admit it.

Snap and Bastian hold looks of equal surprise and embarrassment.

Suddenly, Finn’s pride turns to fear. “Was that...bad?”

Snap shakes his head. “No, just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Yeah, you’re good,” Bastian adds.

Poe puts a hand on his shoulder, laughing, “Glad you don’t have any reservations.”

-

Finn stopped after two bottles, so he’s still able to go outside himself enough to realize the effect it’s having on him. He’s lightheaded, fingertips slightly numb and vision _just_ out of focus.

They’re all sitting up on the crates, jokes buzzing past Finn as he finds himself oddly focused on Poe next to him. His eyes don’t want to move away, circling his features over and over again.

He can hear Jessika laughing. “Ok, ok but not _nearly_ as bad as that one you found on Coruscant.”

Bastian gives her a playful punch, “are you fucking _kidding me?_ You saw what-”

“Oh, no no no,” Snap adds in, “the one on Kuat was definitely the worst.”

All three of them are slurring their speech slightly. Finn can hear the words clearly, but they don’t stick around for long.

_Two beers… two beers is good._

_Three’s too much._

“Ok, what do you think, kid?”

Finn tries to focus. “What?”

“What sounds worse? Getting shot up by a fuckton of Troopers on Coruscant, or getting a handful of smugglers on our tail on Kuat?”

_What?_

It takes a second for him to register it as a question, and another to count two options.

“First one.”

She claps her hands, sitting up. “See? Told you.”

“A _handful?_ Last I checked, a dozen guys with blasters isn’t a handful.”

“Whatever you say, pal.” Jessika finishes her fourth (fifth?) bottle, and drops it down next to herself.

They go on with it; Finn can’t help but stop trying to keep with them as Poe leans over.

 _“You doin’ ok?”_ He’s speaking right into Finn’s ear. And he’s drunk.

_Mhm._

The pilot pats him lightly on the knee. “How many drinks have you had?”

“I can walk back.”

Poe laughs quietly, “Good. Because I don’t know if I can.”

When Finn looks back over, the rest of the group is quiet. Apparently, they’ve settled their dispute.

“What time is it?”

Bastian knocks over his (thankfully empty) bottle as he dramatically raises his arm. “According to my DX-12 timepiece,” Jessika rolls her eyes in response, “It’s almost 0500.”

Snap rubs his neck. “Shit guys, I gotta head out.”

He hops off the crate and waves them goodbye.

“Good to catch up, you two.”

Finn can’t even form a sentence in his head before Poe replies, “You too, pal.”

Bastian drops his head back, groaning before conceding, “I should probably get back, too.”

“Alright, bud.” Jessika pats him on the back as he leaves.

“See ya, Poe.”

“See ya.”

Jessika looks the remaining two over. “You two ready to get going?”

Poe looks over at Finn. “We good?”

“Yup.”

“Alright, see you guys in, well, less than two days.”

“Can’t wait,” Poe jokes.

She puts a hand on Finn’s shoulder before leaving, “We’ll get you setup right, kid.”

“Thanks.”

She laughs, knowing he probably already forgot her words.

Poe slaps his face a couple of times as she leaves, trying to stay alert.

Finn drops his head onto Poe’s chest. “I’m tired.”

Poe puts a hand on his back, finishing the last few lazy gulps of his beer. “Me too.”

-

Finn leans against the wall as Poe fumbles through his dresser.

“Where the fuck are my sweatpants?”

“You didn’t look there.”

Poe follows his finger. “Where?”

_“There.”_

“Finn, you’re pointing at the lamp.”

_Shit._

He gets up and opens the third drawer down. The grey sweatpants are lying on top.

“God damnit.”

“Told you.”

Poe puts them on right there, and completely forgets that’s not exactly _a thing_ that they’re doing yet as Finn eyes him the whole time.

“Sorry, buddy, I f-” He stops as Finn kisses him, ignoring the fact that their teeth just hit and it kinda hurts as he quickly braces against the wall behind him.

His first instinct is to break off, to ask _are you sure about this_ , but he figures it’s not really necessary if Finn initiates it. So he gets into it.

Finn’s arms wrap around the other man, his lips more confident than ever against the pilot as they produce noises foreign to either of them.

Finn pulls off after a while, catching his breath.

“Is this ok?”

Poe has to process it for a second. “Are you fucking _kidding me_?”

Finn’s brow furrows. “No?”

Poe laughs, brushing Finn’s cheek. “Buddy, you’re doing great.”

Finn sighs. “Ok. Good. Because I-”

“I don’t wanna hear it. This is good.”

“Yeah… good.”

Poe repeats _“Good”_ one more time before he leans back in.

-

“Hey,” Finn pulls off again.

_Mhm?_

“I’m drunk, right?”

Poe looks him over. “More or less, yeah.”

“Am I gonna have another hangover?”

The pilot’s eyes are exploring every minute detail of the face across from him. “Two beers? Doubt it.”

“What about you?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty buzzed right now. Why?”

“Wondering.”

Finn’s lips clumsily hit Poe’s again, and he waits a good while before stopping again.

-

They crawl into bed, Finn nuzzled under Poe’s arm with his face on his chest.

He falls asleep quickly, the scent of Poe becoming more and more comforting each night.

 

**// Day Seven**

 

Finn wakes up late.

At least, the golden sunlight pouring over the bed and their bodies _tells_ him it’s late.

He looks around, head still against Poe’s chest, the man’s heartbeat in his ear. There’s the slightest bit of cloudiness in his mind, but otherwise he’s gotten off the hook from last night’s drinking.

_“Hey?”_

Poe exhales, eyes shifting under lids.

“Poe?”

The pilot’s eyes twitch before opening, brown and full of sleep.

His right hand instinctively moves up to Finn’s cheek, staring into dark face before front of him as his vision comes into focus.

_“Morning…”_

_Finn grins. He’s hot when he just woke up._

He shifts upward to kiss Poe on the cheek, and feels his skin shift with a smile as he does it.

“What time is it?”

Finn begrudgingly backs away to grab the communicator off the desk.

“0900.”

“Shit. Really?”

“Yeah.”

 _“Damn…”_ He uses an elbow to prop himself up, rubbing his eyes.

“Last day, huh?”

Poe nods.

“What’re we gonna do?”

The pilot puts an arm on his shoulder. “What sounds good?”

“I dunno?”

“Let’s take today for ourselves, huh? I mean, we’ve kinda been doing that the whole time anyway, but let’s forget about everything else and just… be together, huh?”

Finn nods. “Sounds good.”

-

Finn waits by the end of the bed as Poe finishes his shower.

Steam creeps up from the gap underneath the door, the air in the room feels heavier than usual.

“You ‘bout done in there?”

Poe laughs, but doesn’t reply.

Eventually the water shuts off, and Poe steps out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist.

“You know, eventually we should probably stop worrying about covering up in front of each other.”

“I honestly don’t know why we are.”

Poe looks at him. “Really?”

“Yeah, it was never an issue before; I just followed your lead.”

Poe shakes his head. “Ok, well that’s... good to hear. So you’re ok if I-”

Finn stands up and pecks Poe on the neck. “Honestly? I’ve been waiting for you to ask me that.”

Poe’s stunned. “Buddy, you should’ve- I just assumed that you didn’t want to yet?”

“Well, guess it’s sorted then.”

Poe looks down and unwraps the towel, dropping it on the bed and going back to finding a pair of boxers in his drawer, ass facing Finn.

“Poe…”

He’s grinning stupid-wide. “Yeah?”

“Holy shit.”

“Like what you see?”

Finn doesn’t really know _why_ \- he’s seen plenty of asses in the First Order - but Poe’s in particular is _really hot._

“Yeah.”

The pilot turns around, figuring he might as well get it over with. He watches in awe as Finn’s eyebrows raise, and his whole body stiffens.

“No secrets here.”

Finn snaps out of it, pushing out a forced laugh before taking a step forward and kissing Poe again.

He pulls off, daring to look down again and reveling in the pride that Poe’s face is conveying.

“I want to-” he swallows, “I wanna touch you, Poe.”

Poe nods, “This wasn’t what I was planning, but I’m open to suggestions.”

Finn’s heart is racing, mind overwhelmed with the prospect of finally returning the favor.

“Ok, I…” He takes a deep breath.

“Just… do what feels right.”

Finn’s head leans forward, wanting to avoid instruction and just let himself figure it out this time. He kisses Poe on the neck, cheek hitting stubble as he works his way down to the man’s shoulder.

His hands rest lightly on Poe’s hips, unsure of what to do but at least not getting in the way, either.

Poe’s hands are on Finn’s back, gripping his shoulders lightly.

Finn stops kissing at Poe’s collarbone, admiring Poe’s torso; full of nicks and scars and a trail of dark hair down the middle. Finn doesn’t know where to start; his hands want to be on Poe’s stomach, his chest, anywhere.

_Everywhere._

He settles to start up top, and rubs two palms just below Poe’s neck, getting familiar with every possible angle and curve of him. Poe’s skin is certainly lighter that Finn’s, but it’s darker than Rey’s; he loves it.

His fingers trace over the scars just below his nipples.

“I love you.”

_No matter what._

Poe’s watching Finn’s hands intently, loving the confidence they gain with each passing second.

Finn lets his eyes finally fall down lower, getting a good look at the pilot’s lips again. Something about knowing he can turn Poe on just the same is incredibly satisfying.

His hand travels down to the skin just below the other man’s waist.

Poe uses a hand to tilt Finn’s head, kissing him again. When he pulls away, he whispers _“you’re gonna kill me.”_

Finn takes the hint, hand running over Poe. It’s unfamiliar, but at the same time, instinctive.

He can feel how engorged Poe is, the pilot’s breath hitching slightly. His fingers explore for a bit, sliding to the top and back down again.

“Good?” He asks, breaking his own self-imposed rule.

Poe nods, teeth showing in a full grin. _“Fucking fantastic.”_

Finn takes the encouragement to start stroking a little more confidently, tipping his head back to kiss the underside of Poe’s jaw.

Poe can’t help but feel impressed (and a little embarrassed) at how good Finn is at this - and how much he underestimated him. He tilts his head back, mouth curving with pleasure and Finn’s mouth almost at his ear.

“Try… this.” Poe takes hold of Finn’s index finger, guiding it up to his clit.

He shudders as Finn takes the initiative and starts massaging it, tips of his fingers broader than Poe’s used to.

Finn feels his hand get slick after a while, the heavy breath Poe takes telling him all he needs to know. His pace increases, infatuated with the small bucks Poe’s giving into his fingers.

_“Ok, ok, buddy I-”_

Instead of listening, Finn kisses him again.

Poe moans into Finn’s mouth as comes, eyes shut and hands doing more to keep himself upright than touch Finn with any purpose.

Finn feels him contract around him, fingers wet. He slides a couple inside, Poe accepting them easily and somehow moaning even lower as he does so.

He keeps rocking his fingers in and out for a while until he knows that Poe’s done.

After a minute of afterglow, the pilot opens his eyes.

Finn’s looking down, expression torn between pride and surprise.

“That’s… wow.”

Poe gives a tired laugh, stepping away and dropping onto the bed.

“That was… that was great, Finn. Thank you.”

“Should I get naked?”

Poe’s head jerks over, grin over his face. “Why?”

“This was supposed to be us exposing ourselves, right?”

_Right._

“I mean, if you want to.”

Finn doesn’t answer, shirt halfway off by the time Poe finishes his sentence.

Poe sits up, hands on the mattress and eyes on the torso in front of him.

Finn strips off his pants and plays with the hem of his boxers a bit before pulling them down, face telegraphing nothing that even hints at embarrassment.

“God damn…”

“What?”

Poe stands up and gets in close to Finn, hands on his shoulders.

“You’re fucking _beautiful_ , buddy.”

“You too,” he scoffs.

“I really mean it, Finn. I mean, I could look at you forever.”

Finn doesn’t know how to respond.

“C’mere.”

His lips touch Finn’s collarbone, nose taking in his scent.

“I love you, Poe.”

The pilot’s head comes back up, eyes full of something and teeth glinting beneath his lips in the light.

“I love you too, Finn. So much.”

***

“Poe, I want to have sex… with… you.”

He swallows, the bluntness of the request coming as a shock.

“You know what that means, right?”

“I got the basics from Jess, yeah.”

“Are you sure? It’s not something we should rush into if you’re not-”

“Poe, just listen to me when I say _I want to have sex with you_ and don’t question it.”

Again, this forwardness is new.

“Honestly, if you really wanna do this, I should probably come out and say that I _really_ want you inside of me, Finn. Like, the second I saw you, I wanted you to fuck me. _So bad_.”

Now it’s Finn’s turn to be surprised.

“Well why didn’t you just tell me?”

Poe chuckles, “That’s not exactly the kind of thing you tell someone you barely even know the name of.”

“But, since then? You could’ve said that for six days now.”

“I was waiting for you, buddy. I didn’t want to be the one bringing it up; I figured you should be comfortable enough to ask me.”

“Ok, but you can’t keep doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“We’re both on the same level now. I don’t want you avoiding things because of me; we should both come to each other no matter what, right?”

Poe nods. “You’re right; I guess it was kinda stupid to begin with.”

Finn takes a deep breath.

“So, Poe Dameron, can I fuck you?”

The pilot laughs, putting a hand on Finn’s thigh. “I would be honored.”

Finn helps him get undressed, realizing that Poe somehow looks better naked the second time.

Then Poe undoes Finn’s pants and pulls them down, kissing just above his waist and trying his best to not start sucking him off right now.

It’s pretty damn difficult, but he manages.

Once Finn’s naked, he crawls onto the bed with Poe and kisses him, legs caught between each other. His cock almost shoots up as he feels it graze over Poe’s lips.

“So, I might need a little help with the specifics.”

Poe grins, “You should probably open me up first. It’s been a while; we can use my pussy for other things.”

“Open… what?”

“Use your fingers. Start small.”

_Oh._

“Grab the lube from the top drawer.”

Finn shifts over and opens the drawer, hand fumbling through a few objects before he finds a small bottle.

“This?”

“Yeah. It’s just like shaving; it’s not gonna work out unless you keep things slick.”

“Ok.”

“Put some on your finger, and just kinda go with whatever feels right.”

Finn pours a bit of the clear gel onto his index finger and spreads it around between it and his thumb.

“So I just, put it in?”

“Yup.”

Finn backs up so he can easily reach under Poe, running his finger over Poe’s hole and gently getting a feel for his entrance.

“Just, take it slow. I don’t wanna rush this.”

Finn rubs his finger in small circles. “Does that even feel good?”

Poe’s eyebrows raise slightly. “You have no idea.”

Finally he pushes slightly, and it glides in easily.

Poe moans lowly and shifts his waist a bit.

“All the way?”

“Yeah.”

Finn pushes further, his knuckle pressed against Poe’s hole as the other man groans, something of an encouragement.

Finn rocks his finger back and forth a bit, eyes fixed on Poe’s expression.

“Now what?”

“Add another.”

Finn doesn’t question it this time; he grabs the bottle and gets some over his middle finger before sliding it in next to the first.

“That’s it, Finn.”

He slides them in and out, finding himself forgetting the end goal as he watches Poe’s face contort with each motion.

“Ok, ok. I’m good.”

Finn looks down at himself, hard and on the verge of leaking.

“This isn’t gonna hurt?”

“ _God_ no. Finn, I want this so fucking bad.”

“Ok, but you gotta stop me if it doesn’t feel good, ok? I don’t want to hurt you.”

Poe sits up and looks Finn in the eye. “Trust me, buddy. I’m gonna love this just as much as you.”

That’s all the encouragement he needs. Poe lies back down and Finn works himself a bit, getting himself slicked up and savoring the stare he’s getting from the other man.

“Ok, so I just do the same thing?”

“Yeah. Take it slow, do what feels best. Don’t worry about me, alright?”

Finn uses a hand to guide his cock down and touches it to Poe’s entrance, still questioning how something so small can fit something so big.

He rubs his head over it, the sensitivity almost too much.

“I’m not gonna last that long at this point…”

Poe laughs. “I don’t care if you get one good thrust in. _I want you inside me, Finn.”_

So Finn pushes forward gently, the slick guiding the tip in and, somehow, Poe stretches to fit him just fine.

“Oh, _god.”_ Poe’s breath is heavy.

Finn pushes further, until his whole head is inside Poe.

“Ok?”

Poe’s almost wheezing. “Don’t stop. _Please,_ Finn.”

_As you wish._

Finn pushes himself in at a steady pace, whole body tingling with the raw pleasure flowing through him. Eventually he reaches the base, whole cock warm and hard inside of the pilot.

“Fuck, Finn.” Poe has a hand on himself, finger rubbing over his clit as he revels in the pressure inside of him.

Ever so slowly, Finn pulls back out. It feels incredible; Poe’s hand was great, but having every inch of himself surrounded by friction is almost painfully good.

“You can speed up.”

So he does.

Watching Poe work himself, he takes his still-slick fingers and press them inside of the pilot, sliding them in and out to match his own pace.

After a few moderate thrusts, Finn can already feel himself getting close.

“Poe, am I supposed to pull out before-”

“ _No. No. I wanna feel you come inside me.”_ His voice is low and hungry.

The words go straight to Finn’s cock, ready to let go yet somehow holding out, as if to give Finn just a few more seconds of hot friction before it’s all over.

“Ok, Poe, I’m gonna-”

 _“Fuck,_ buddy.”

He starts rubbing himself faster.

Finn lurches forward, collapsing on top of Poe as he comes; with impossible bursts of pleasure shooting through him in waves as he pulls himself in and out of Poe. The man beneath him is groaning, tightening around Finn’s fingers as the feeling of his cock twitching inside of him drives him over the edge.

-

Finn catches his breath minutes later, hands on Poe’s stomach and cock still half-hard inside of the pilot.

“Finn?”

_“Poe, Poe…”_

“Finn, that was insane.”

“Tell me about it.”

Poe laughs, brighter than ever.

“I just fucked you.”

“Yeah, yeah you did.”

Finn laughs against Poe’s stomach.

“I needed that, Finn. I really fucking needed that.”

“Me too.”

“I’m glad you shut me up and just came forward, because I think I might’ve actually died if we hadn’t done this before I go out tomorrow.”

“I can’t believe I had to wait twenty-three years for this.”

Poe looks up. “Was it worth it?”

Finn uses all his remaining strength to pull himself out and crawl up towards Poe.

“That was the best fucking thing I’ve ever done.”

Poe puts a hand on Finn’s head, running his fingers through the curls.

“I love you so fucking much, buddy.”

Finn looks up at him, face tired but more satisfied than Poe’s ever seen it.

“I love you, Poe Dameron. I fucking love you. I don’t care if I have to wash dishes for the Resistance for the rest of my life. As long as I get to come back at night and see you, I’ll be happy”

He swallows, feeling a bit lightheaded.

“I’m really tired all of a sudden.”

Poe laughs louder than he should past midnight.

“Yeah, me too buddy. Me too.”

-

Finn wakes up in a metal chair.

He looks up.

Poe’s in the upright gurney, and Phasma’s behind him.

She’s holding the thick, black cable running to the reconditioning machine.

 _“Finn…”_ The sedatives are already kicking in.

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

Phasma laughs. “I tried to teach you already, but you’re just _gotta_ play the hero, huh, Trooper?”

Something flickers in the back of Finn’s mind.

_Poe?_

The whir of the machine snaps him out of it.

“Stop. Phasma, stop.”

“You brought this on yourself, 2187. I’m simply carrying out the consequence you knowingly accepted.”

_I love you so fucking much, buddy._

_This isn’t real._

“This isn’t real.”

Phasma’s helmet shifts upward. “What did you just say?”

“I’m dreaming. This is another nightmare.”

Finn pulls his hands up, the restraints no longer there.

“What are you-”

“Shut up. _Shut the fuck up_ , Phasma.”

He walks over to Poe and undoes his ties.

“We fucked. This is a dream. I’m lying on top of him right now.”

Phasma’s silent.

“And that means I can finally, _finally_ beat the fuck out of you.”

Finn walks over to the chrome soldier and rips her helmet off.

He punches her square in the face, knocking her to the ground.

“I can beat the fuck out of you, and you can’t do a fucking thing.”

He straddles her chest and looks her over.

“This is for everyone you tortured.”

He slugs her again, straight across the face, blood splattering over the glossy black floor.

“This is for 3200.”

He throws another punch, blood streaming from her nose.

“And _this_ one,” he hits her again, a satisfying crunch as something breaks, “is just because I hate you _so fucking much.”_

He gets up, not the slightest bit remorseful as her motionless face bleeds onto the floor.

“I love Poe,” he says to her, “and if I ever see you again, I won’t be so fucking kind.”

 

**// Epilogue**

 

Poe groans as he wakes up, alarm beeping.

He feels a sweet, sore reminder of last night.

_Something to take with me on my first mission back._

He shakes Finn gently until he wakes up.

“Sleep well?”

Finn’s grinning. “I slept great.”

***

It’s still chilly this early in the morning on D’Qar, fog hanging low as Finn and Poe make their way out toward the hangar.

“You gonna do ok without me?”

“After last night, I feel like I can take on the entire First Order by myself.”

Poe laughs, “glad to hear it.”

When he opens the door to the hangar, he realizes just how much he missed the roar of welding tools and shouts between pilots.

Jessika, coffee in hand, comes up to them.

“Welcome back, Poe.”

“Good to be back, Jess.”

“Ready to get to work, kid?”

Finn nods. “Hell yeah.”

She laughs. _“Finally_ some enthusiasm around here! I love it.”

Poe pats Finn on the back. “I gotta get going, buddy.”

Finn knows he probably shouldn’t, but he leans forward and pecks Poe on the cheek.

Jessika sips her coffee loudly in response.

“I’ll be back in a few days; just a recon mission. Nothing’s gonna go wrong, unless banthas learn to shoot.”

Finn laughs, and catches one last nod from Poe before he turns away and heads towards his X-Wing.

“You gonna miss him?”

Finn doesn’t stop looking at Poe until he’s woken up BB-8 and hopped into the cockpit.

“Sure I will. But I’m not worried.”

“Good to hear, kid. Now, let’s see how good you are with an f-wrench, huh?”

Finn watches Poe’s ship slowly fade into the fog, the sun cresting over the treeline.

“Sounds good.”

She pats him on the shoulder. “Then let’s get going.”

He finally breaks off and looks back at her.

He nods.

“Lead the way.”

**Author's Note:**

> This took me the better part of three months to write, it was just really on-and-off in terms of feeling alright enough to write for it. Hopefully it's cohesive as a whole and y'all end up liking it. It's really a collection of tropes I really wanted to see these two in, I just love 'em so much.
> 
> Enjoy!


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